What happened to you?
by queenb36
Summary: Kurt arrives at Dalton and finds someone who he hasn't seen for a long time. He can't believe the change in his old friend, Blaine. Kurt is determined to find out what has happened to him. Please read the full summary inside as there are trigger warnings.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N**__ This story takes a different angle to my others that I have written. It will still be quite angsty but, Blaine is the one who needs saving not Kurt._

_Kurt comes to Dalton because of the bulling at his old school. He thought things could not get any worse until he meets Blaine. Kurt recognises him from when he was younger, someone he was very close to, and someone he hasn't seen or heard from for 4 years. Kurt is confused as Blaine is very hostile towards him when they meet again; he acts like he doesn't seem to remember Kurt._

_Kurt is hurt at first but then decides to find out why Blaine refuses to acknowledge him, why he seems to hate him. Kurt wants to know what happened to the loving, care free, boy he once knew. How he changed in to the arrogant asshole he is now who seems to push everyone away, and does everything he can to make the others hate him._

_I hope this works were Kurt is Blaine's knight in shining armour. I've had this story going around in my head for a while. I'm still working on my other stories but, I really wanted to get this first chapter down to see what people thought. _

_Oh and in some places it may get a bit dark but, there will also be some romance and humour aswell._

_Warnings of self-harm, sexual abuse, non-consensual sex, if this may trigger anything for the people who read this please do not read any further. _

_Please. Read. Enjoy. Review. :0)_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 1<strong>

**A NEW BEGINNING**

The brown haired boy stood in the middle of his bedroom his eyes glancing around one last time. Everything that he would need was packed, his father and step brother taking the last of it to the waiting car. His step mother was busy making him a goody basket to take with him. Even though he would get 3 square meals a day where he was going, she still insisted on making him some of his favourite sweet foods.

He took a deep breath, his eyes moistening slightly as he felt the all too familiar tightness in his chest. He didn't want to leave his family home, he had lived here all his life, but he had no choice. If things were going to change he needed to start again somewhere different, somewhere new, and somewhere safe.

"Hey you ready to go kid?"

The boy turned his head at the sound of the voice behind him. His eyes fell on the older man standing in his doorway, his father. The boy's heart pained slightly as he took in the man's appearance, guilt washing over him. He looked weary, older, it had been a hard couple of weeks and it had taken its toll on him. He wasn't in the best of health after his heart attack and this had put a strain on his father, although he had tried to hide it. The boy hoped that with this move things would be easier for his father; he wouldn't have to worry about his son anymore. The boy took another breath and nodded silently.

The man watched as his son walked over to his dresser and opened the draw. He watched as his son reached in and pulled out a piece of paper, the boy paused as his eyes fell upon the faded picture, and then slid it into his pocket.

The man's heart ached for the boy; he knew what the picture was he had seen his son staring at it, a stray tear falling from his face, on numerous occasions.

"Hey Burt, Kurt, we're gonna be late"

Kurt and his father, Burt, both rolled their eyes as they heard the voice of Finn, Burt's new wife

Carols son, shout up from the bottom of the stairs. Burt turned and walked out of Kurt's room, he knew that his son would need a few minutes alone.

Kurt watched his father leave; he took one more look around and followed his father, silently closing the door to his bedroom behind him. It would be a couple of months before he would return again, that were the deal.

**2 Hours later.**

Burt pulled up outside the tall building; Kurt noticed that although it was old it was elegant in style. He let his eyes fall onto the number of boys, watching them silently as they unloaded their suitcases from their parent's cars. They were all dressed the same, navy blue blazers with a red trim, white shirts, stripy red and navy ties and grey flannel trousers. Not the most flattering of clothes but Kurt could live with it.

_Well at least you won't be mocked for your style in clothes_. Kurt thought to himself.

"It will be okay bro"

Kurt turned to look at his stepbrother as he felt his hand on his, his eyes rested on the reassuring smile on his face. Kurt gave a small smile back at his step brother. He had to admit when Burt first got together with Carol, Fins mum, he wasn't _best_ pleased. He behaved like a spoil brat and caused _a lot_ of trouble. He felt as though his dad was betraying his mother's memory. Despite the fact that he was a _giant pain in the ass,_ Fin had stood up for him on numerous occasions. Even to the extent of dressing up in a lady Ga Ga outfit to support his future step brother, to prove that being different was okay. Kurt knew that it was hard on him, _especially_ as he was the star player on the football team, but at the time he hadn't cared, even when Finn was chucked in the dumpster for it.

The turning point had been when Fin had found out what was happening behind everyone's back. He believed Kurt without question, stood by him. He had come through for his step brother once more, he knew the fall out it would bring but, he still backed him up. After that Kurt and Finn were closer than ever, in fact it was Finns idea to come here, one of his friends came to Dalton.

Kurt pushed the memories of that day, the day when everything had come to a head to the back of his mind as they started to form. He could still feel the tightness around his neck, the slight niggle his bruised ribs still gave him. He took a deep breath, he didn't want to think about that now, this was a fresh start for all of them and he didn't want anything to ruin it. He didn't want them to find out that he was still struggling to cope otherwise they wouldn't of let him come.

Kurt was brought back from his thoughts as he felt the cold air as the car door was opened. He turned his head towards the now opened door.

"Welcome to Dalton" His father said a big smile on his face as Kurt climbed out. Kurt gave him a small smile back and looked up once more at the building. He took another deep breath, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately, and walked up the steps his family close behind him.

**OUTSIDE IN THE CARPARK**

The dark curly haired boy leant against the tree in the corner of the car park of Dalton School for Boys. He frowned as he watched the arrival of his fellow classmates as they returned to school after the summer holidays. He took a long drag on his cigarette as he scanned the crowd, he inwardly cursed when he couldn't find who he was looking for, his frown deepening.

Then he saw them, his face softened as he watched them. One by one they arrived to form a small group at the side of the building. They hugged and slapped each other's backs as they welcomed one another, each of them talking excitedly about their adventures over the holidays.

The boy, slightly hidden, watched with fascination as they walked into the school, he frowned once more as they disappeared from sight. He had conflicting emotions about their return, he had missed them, missed their performances. It had been really quiet while they had been gone, nothing to distract him. He had stayed at school over the summer holidays while his parents worked away, he hated staying at school during the holidays that was when it was worse.

The only good thing about it was that he didn't have to put a charade on all the time; he could just be himself, whoever that was. He didn't know anymore, it had been so long since things were, _good._ But, now, with everyone back, he would have to hide once more; he would have to go back to how he was before. He hated that side of him but he had no choice, but at least they were back now and he would have a distraction.

He was about to go back inside to his dorm when something, well someone, caught his eye as they mingled in with the crowd.

He let the cigarette dangle from his lips as his eyes locked on the boy in the distance. He needed to get closer, he needed to be sure. He chucked his fag on the floor and walked hurriedly towards the school, oblivious to anyone else as he pushed his way through the crowd

_No it can't be__?_The dark curly haired boy thought to himself as he stood frozen to the floor. His eyes were wide as he stared at the tall slim brown haired boy as he climbed from the car. He moved slightly closer as he watched the exchange between the lad and who he assumed to be his father.

_No, why is he here?_ The boy was starting to panic as he felt his chest constrict. He was finding it hard to breath.

He started to follow them; he kept himself hidden by the growing crowd of boys. He needed to get closer to be absolutely sure. There was a taller guy with them, he looked like a jock. He frowned as he wandered who this guy was, he didn't remember him having a brother. There was also a woman, her features soft and warm as she watched the 3 guys in front of her. He didn't remember this woman.

_Maybe it's not him?_

The boy carried on following them his eyes fixed on the back of the other boys head. He couldn't take his eyes off of him; he still had that same walk.

_It's not him, it's not him_. He chanted to himself, trying to convince himself that this was true as he followed them into the school.

He didn't want it to be him, but he knew, deep down he just knew. He walked in through the doors of the school ignoring the curses from the other boys as he pushed past them; he needed to keep him in sight.

He stopped suddenly as the party came to a halt outside the Deans office. He quickly hid behind a corner as he saw the other boy suddenly turn around, looking in his direction. He peeked his head back around the corner, his breath heavy as it fell from his open mouth.

The boy felt his heart literally stop, he couldn't breathe as his chest constricted. The face, those eyes, he was still the same.

_It's him, God no, it's him!_

The curly haired boy couldn't take any more as he felt an over whelming fear grow in his chest. He turned and ran, ran as fast as he could back through the hallway towards some stairs. He ran up them, his heart beating fast as his breathing became more ragged. He could feel a panic attack coming on as his chest constricted; he pushed himself faster, harder up the stairs. He needed to get to his dorm.

He ignored the curses that came his way as he pushed roughly passed anyone who got in his way. He reached his door, his hands struggling to open it as his felt his fingers go numb. He needed to hide, needed to breathe, needed to escape and lock himself away. He pushed open the door as he finally managed to open it; he slammed it behind him locking it. He fell against it his forehead connecting with the wood hard as he let out a loud pained groan, tears forming in his eyes.

He tried to contain the panic that he felt rising as thoughts whirled through his mind.

_Why is he here?_ _Why is he here?_ He mumbled to himself slamming his hand hard into the door as his anger and frustration grew.

_God why is he here?_He couldn't stop the sob that escaped his lips as he squeezed his eyes shut.

He pushed himself from the door and started to pace the floor of his dorm. He couldn't think, his mind clouding with random thoughts. He rubbed his hands together as his tears threatened to fall once more. His heart was hammering in his chest as his mind became a jumbled mess of questions, racing each other to get his attention first as he tried to think.

_He shouldn't be here, __that wasn't the plan._ He muttered to himself as his hands shot to his head and his fingers fisted his hair, tugging the strands hard as he tried to make sense of it all.

_He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be here_. The curly haired boy rambled to himself as he paced his dorm room.

The boy suddenly stopped mid step as he heard his door handle rattle, someone was trying to get in. He could hear voices out in the hall way, he held his breath as his froze, his eyes locked on the handle as he watched it being jiggled again.

He stayed really quiet praying that they would just turn and leave. He knew who it was; he didn't want them in here, near him. His stomach cramped as he began to feel sick inside. He could feel the panic growing once more as he heard a key pushed into the lock of the door.

_Why did I take the key out? Why__ did I take the key out? _He muttered quietly to himself as he took a small step _back._

_You know why! _The answer shouted in his head. Yeah he knew why as he felt the sickness grow inside of him.

_Please__,__ go away__! _ He whispered to himself as he slowly watched the handle being pushed down. Everything was like it was happening in slow motion; his eyes lifted painfully slow, locking onto the blue ones now standing in front of him.

"Blaine" The blue eyed boy whispered as the tall brown haired boy looked back at him, his name falling sweetly from his lips.

Blaine couldn't breath as his eyes laid on the angel in front of him. He felt sick inside as the boy smiled at him, those same eyes, that same face, that same beautiful smile. The smile he had tried so hard to forget over the last 4 years. The boy he had craved to hold once again was standing here in his dorm room, Kurt Hummel. All he wanted to do right now was bury himself in those arms, feel the warmth and the safety that he would find there, but, he couldn't.

"He's not staying here!" Blaine snapped his frown deep, his eyes ice cold. Ignoring the fallen face of the boy he had dreamed of all these years, ignoring the sharp pain that cut through his heart, he turned to face the blonde haired boy who had brought them face to face.

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><p><em><strong>AN** Well that's the first chapter, what do you all think? Why do you think Blaine is so hostile towards Kurt, the boy he has dreamed of for 4 years? What's their history? Why is Blaine so panicked that he has turned up at Dalton? Why doesn't he want him here? Also who were the lads he was spying on earlier as they arrived at school? _

_So many questions to answer lol. I shall be updating my other stories this week so I may not get back to this one until the weekend. Sorry guys. Please review and let me know what you think :0) Oh and my next Chapter will be longer, I promise. You know how I like to write long chapters lol x_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N** Wow thankyou for the review's and story alerts, I'm really glad you are liking this story. There is a little more insight into Blaine in this chapter as some things come to light. This only leaves Kurt more confused though as he wanders what has happened to the boy he used to know, and Why is he so hostile towards the people around him? I've dropped a small hit in this chapter as to why Blaine is the way he is, I wander if you can find it. Please read, enjoy and review. Any ideas for this story are also welcome too. :0)_

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 <strong>

**WHY**?

"Now hold on Blaine" The blond boy said holding his hand up in front of himself. Kurt noticed that by the sound of his voice he didn't like Blaine very much and by the look of Blaine's face the feeling was mutual.

"I said he's not staying here" Blaine snapped more forcefully, and then he turned his back on them and walked over to his desk.

"You can't dictate who you share with, the Dean…" The bond's voice rose as he started to lose his temper, his fists clenched by his side.

"_**I don't give a **__**shit **__**what the Dean said**_" Blaine shouted as he turned back to face them, his face was contorted with anger. Kurt flinched as he felt the venom in his old friend's voice.

"_I am not having __**that **__in here_" Blaine pointed at Kurt as he took a step towards the other boy his eyes not once falling on Kurt, spit was falling from his mouth with every word. Kurt didn't understand why Blaine hated him so much, they had been really close once before. They hadn't seen each other in 4 years so where was this coming from?

"_**Is this because he's gay**_**?**" the other boy shouted back as he too took a step forward. Kurt's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. Was he that obvious that within minutes everyone knew which team he had batted for?

"We've been through this I thought you had learnt your lesson" The blonde boy grounded out, this was obviously old news.

"_Well you thought fucking wrong then didn't you_" Blaine hissed as both boys squared up their shoulders.

Kurt couldn't believe that his presence had caused a fight all ready, on the first day at his new school. He felt tears start to sting his eyes as he watched the two boys' eye each other. Their obvious hatred for each other mapping their faces.

"_I told you I didn't want your kind around me_" Blaine spat as he eyed the blond boy in front of him "_Spreading your fag germs all over my dorm__, contaminating it__"_

"_**You little shit**_" The blond boy spat as he grabbed Blaine's blazer in his hands twisting the fabric in his fists. The blond boy was slightly taller than Blaine but it didn't seem to make a difference as Blaine grabbed the other boy, mirroring his pose.

"_Get you __**fucking queer **__hands off me __"_Blaine spat as the two boys started to wrestle each other. Kurt was in utter shock as his hand flew to his mouth, his eyes widened. He didn't know what to do, he took a step back as memories from his own school came flooding back.

"Woooah, okay guys cut it out"

Kurt jumped as he noticed a tallish Asian boy come racing past him. He grabbed both boys and pried them apart as another boy came running in after him.

"Jeff, let him go"

Kurt could do nothing but stand and watch as the four boys struggled. The Asian boy grabbed Blaine and pulled him away slamming him up against a wall. Jeff was yanked away by a slightly shorter dark haired boy, both lads were breathing heavily as they glared at each other. There faces were bright red from the scuffle.

"_**Okay what the fucks going on"**_ The Asian boy shouted as he struggled to stop Blaine from trying to get at Jeff.

"_**That homophobic jerk over there**_" Jeff shouted as he tried to push past the smaller boy, who was actually quite strong for his size.

"_**Fuck you" **_Blaine shouted as he tried to push back this Wes guy with no luck. Wes pushed back harder as he managed to restrain the struggling boy.

"Will you just sstop Blaine" wes shouted at the boy gaining his attention. "You're gonna get chucked out one of these days"

"_**Good"**_ Blaine shouted at the boy as his eyes fell on him. _**"Don't wanna fucking be here anyway"**_

"_**Yea do us all a favour and fuck off home"**_ Jeff shouted as he clasped his fists tighter "_Oh no you can't can you cus no one wants you there either_"

This got Blaine's attention again his face falling slightly at Jeff's words.

"And why is that Blainey boy?" Jeff said with a smug grin "Cus you're a _fucking looser_ that's why, even your parents shipped you off cus they can't stand to _look at you_"

"_**Let me go,**__** I'm gonna fucking kill him"**_ Blaine shouted as Jeff's words echoed through the room.

"_**Jesus Jeff**__**,**__** shut the fuck up**_" Wes shouted at the blond, annoyed that he was riling Blaine up again just to score points. He knew there was no love lost between the two boys who used to be best friends until the incident, which was why their arguments always ended up in fights.

"_**Why do you even bother with him Wes, he's an asshole!**_!" Jeff shouted and Blaine flipped him off with a little smile. Jeff tried to push past the smaller boy to get at Blaine but the lad held his ground.

"Hey babe, cool it" The smaller boy said as he put both his hands on the blonds face to turn his head towards him, trying to gain his attention away from Blaine..

"He's not worth getting suspended on the first day for" Jeff seemed to calm down as he looked at the smaller boy. He nodded slowly in understanding and closed his eyes, taking in deep breaths he tried to calm himself down. Kurt came to the realisation that these two were obviously a couple. Finn had said that Jeff was gay that was one of the reasons he had suggested this place. Kurt would have someone he could talk to about what he was going through.

"_**Oh get your fucking fag germs out of my dorm before you contaminate it**_" Blaine shouted from across the room at the two boys.

"_**Why**__**,**__** you jealous Anderson?"**_ Jeff shouted back with a big grin on his face, he pulled the shorter boy in tight. Kurt noticed the other boy roll his eyes as he allowed himself be held.

"If you think you're getting any of this," Jeff pointed to the smaller boy who just frowned up at him. "_I'll take you out first.__"_

"_**Fuck **__**you Davies"**_ Blaine shouted back, his face folded in distaste _**"I wouldn't touch your fag of a boyfriend with a 10 foot pole**__**. I'd rather screw a flea infested hobo then screw your whore**__**"**_

"_**Yea well that's all you're good enough to pull" **_Jeff shouted back.

"_**Well you should know" **_Blaine retaliated with a smug grin on his face; Jeff took a step towards Blaine but was stopped by his boyfriends hand on his chest.

"_Shut __the fuck __up Blaine or I'll get Sebastian_" The Asian boy snapped as he tried to keep his grip on the boy, before Jeff had the chance to shout back.

"Oh I see we are getting re-acquainted again"

Kurt watched as all the boys' heads turned to face Blains door. Kurt turned and came face to face with a brown haired tall slim boy. He leaned against the door frame his hands in his pockets, a small smile on his face.

"_You need to keep y__our boy here in check Sebastian"_ Jeff snapped at the him. _"__Or I'll sort him again_"

Kurt's eyes darted from Sebastian to Jeff then to Blaine. He watched silently as the boys eyes fell on each other. Kurt frowned in confusion as he saw the sudden change in Blaine. He became instantly quiet and just stood stiffly by the wall, his whole body ridged. He couldn't be sure but he thought he saw a flicker in Blaine's eyes as they fell on the boy by the door.

_Was that fear?_ Kurt couldn't be sure as it suddenly disappeared leaving behind hollow eyes.

"Are you being a naughty boy Blaine?" Sebastian asked as he started to walk over to him. Kurt followed him as he moved towards Blaine. Blaine kept his eyes fixed on Sebastian, his face was now unreadable but his body visibly stiffened more.

"I don't want him in here" Blaine whispered, his voice was small as he spoke to the approaching boy. "And they won't leave" Blaine added as the other boy came to a stop in front of him.

Kurt noticed that Wes gave Sebastian a look he couldn't quite read but, he got the feeling that he didn't like him.

Sebastian looked over to the three boys standing across the room raking his eyes over Jeff and the other boy.

"Jeff, Neil" Sebastian said with a slight nod.

_Okay so Jeff's boyfriend was called Neil, that's good to know_ Kurt thought to himself.

Kurt tuned and came face to face with the boy called Sebastian, he seemed to only just realise that Kurt was standing there as his eyes fell upon him.

"Oh, hello, we have a new boy and what's your name?" Sebastian asked him a warm smile appearing on his face.

"Kurt, Kurt Hummel" Kurt stammered as he felt himself growing red under his gaze.

Kurt wasn't sure but he thought he saw something in the boy's eyes.

"Have we met before?" Sebastian asked Kurt as he frowned at him, he seemed to be searching his mind for a distant memory.

"I don't think so" Kurt muttered. His eyes slipped to Blaine's and there was that look again, he was scared of something.

"I want them out of here Sebastian, I don't want them here. I don't want to share" Blaine's voice held a hint of desperation as he looked at the boy next to him.

"The Dean said Kurt should share with Blaine, might do him some good" Jeff said to Sebastian "I said it was a bad idea, that no one can help him"

"_Fuck you __Jeff_" Blaine spat as his anger started to rise again.

"Yea wanna go again" Jeff snapped back, there was definitely some bad blood here.

"Jeff come on, Kurt can bunk with us until we sort something out" Neil said as he reaffirmed his grip on Jeff.

"Yea you go make a fag, whore den with your boyfriends" Blaine spat before he was silenced by a hand on his chest.

Kurt watched as Sebastian looked down at Blaine and had a silent conversation with him, all it took was one look before Blaine stood their quietly.

"That sounds like a good idea Neil" Sebastian said as he turned back to the boys. "I'll speak with the Dean and see what we can sort out more permanently. Now you boys go and help Kurt settle in and me and Blaine here will have a quiet word, or two"

Kurt wasn't sure but Blaine's body seemed to stiffen even more at the boys words. He was sure he saw him visibly swallow.

"Yea you do that or I will have another word with him" Jeff spat as he took Neil's hand and led him out "Come on Kurt let's leave the room of insanity before its catching."

Kurt watched the two boys leave and then looked back over a Blaine unsure of what to do. He really didn't want to stay here if Blaine was going to be so hostile but, he didn't want to leave the friend. He had been searching for him all these years and now he had found him he didn't want to lose him again, even if it wasn't the meeting he had been dreaming of. Blaine's face was un readable as they locked eyes.

_Why was he behaving this way?_ This was not the boy Kurt once knew.

"It was nice meeting you Kurt Hummel" Sebastian said as he grinned at him gaining his attention from said boy. Kurt looked over at the him and blushed. The way his name fell off his lips and the look he gave him made something stir inside his stomach, which wasn't unpleasant.

"Nice to meet you to" Kurt said shyly, he gave one last look at Blaine, who was just staring at him, then walked out of the door after the other two.

"I'll take things from here Wes" Sebastian said turning to the Asian boy who was still standing next to Blaine. Wes eyed him, his obvious dislike of the boy evident in his face as he didn't return the smile.

"I think that's up to Blaine "Wes said as he turned to face his friend. "What do you want Blaine? Do you want me to stay?"

Blaine looked at his friend, his only friend left, then back at Sebastian. He swallowed and sighed d deep inside.

"No it's cool Wes" Blaine said quietly as he turned back to face him. "I'll be okay; I need to talk to Sebastian anyway"

Wes sighed as he watched his friends face close down once again so he couldn't read him.

"Okay, but if you need me just call okay"

Blaine nodded and slightly stiffened as he felt Wes pull him into a hug. He had no idea how he had managed to keep this friendship after everything he had done. But Wes had stood by him and fought his corner much to the dismay of the other guys.

"Thanks for your concern but I'm sure Blaine will be just fine" Sebastian said as he put his arm around Wes's shoulder and guided him towards the door, a grin was plastered on his face.

"I'm fine I can find my own way thank you" Wes forced a smile back, but it was obviously false. "I'll catch you later okay" Wes said top Blaine and Blaine nodded slowly. Wes walked out and closed the door behind him.

Sebastian slowly walked up to the door; he reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out a key. He placed it in the lock and slowly turned it, locking the door tight. Blaine watched the boy's every movement, he flinched as he heard the click, it seemed to echo in the silent room.

Sebastian turned and walked slowly up towards Blaine.

"I think we need a chat Blainey boy" And with those words Blaine lost all his composure as his body gave way.

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><p><em><strong>AN** Well I hoped you like this chapter, it was a bit hard to write Blaines character like this because it's so different from the one portrayed on Glee. Please bare with me though as his behaviour is important to the story, it lays the foundation for him to grow into a better person. i dropped a few small hints along the way of Blaines background, if you found them, these will be looked at later in the story as things come out. I also left a hint as to why He is behaving this way, did you find it? _

_Anyway don't forget to review because the more reviews I have the quicker I update. _

_That's all for now peeps :0)_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N** Hi everybody, sorry for the late update but life's been a bit hectic lately. I hope this is worth waiting for and gives you a bit more insight as to where the story may be going. I'm hoping to show with this story that sometimes things are happening right under you nose and you just don't see them. Sometimes you are either just don't want see (because you can't believe it's really happening),or you just don't want to see. All it takes is that one person to stop and actually look to notice the signs. As they say, a fresh pair of eyes uncovers a whole lot of sins. I think Kurt turning up at Dalton is going to open a whole, big can of worms. Any way. READ. REVIEW. ENJOY_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 3<strong>

**CAN'T YOU SEE?**

"_I can't believe that fucking jerk_" Jeff was fuming as he grumbled, his voice shaking out of pure frustration as he pushed open his dorm room.

"Jeff…"

"_Don't_, just _don't _tell me to calm the _fuck down_" The blond boy turned to face his boyfriend, his face was red with anger. "_How the fuck can I calm down when Anderson is being a fucking __**asshole**_**"**

"Why do you let him wind you up? Just ignore him "Neil was trying to reason with his now pacing boy, he could have sworn he saw steam coming from Jeff's ears. "It doesn't _help _the matter when you _bite back_, maybe if you held back he wouldn't _lose_ it so much"

Jeff stopped mid stride and turned to face the smaller dark haired boy. He frowned at his boyfriend a look of hurt in his eyes.

"Why is it _always my _fault?" Jeff snapped "You're always _defending_ him!"

"_What?_ I'm not saying that it's your fault" Neil sighed deeply as he took a step towards his boyfriend; he reached out his hand for him. "I'm not _defending_ him; I just want you to stop _fighting _with him. Sometimes you make the situation worse not better when you confront him."

Jeff took a step back leaving the slightly smaller boys hand in mid-air. Neil froze he knew instantly that he had said the wrong thing. He could see the change instantly in his boyfriend's body as he became tenser.

"So, _you are_ blaming _me_ for making Blainey a _fucking asshole_" Jeff's voice rose as he became more angry. "Maybe you should go and comfort him then, dump me and go chase Anderson. I mean why not? You think he is _so fucking perfect_" Jeff said sarcastically as he waved his hands in the air.

With that Jeff turned and stormed in to the bathroom, he slammed the door and locked it behind him. Neil stood there and sighed heavily, he had heard all this before, Jeff's accusations. He's even accused him of cheating on him with Blaine. The fact that Blaine was straight didn't matter. Whenever Jeff argued with Blaine, and Neil tried to mediate between them, Jeff would lose all sense of logic and accuse him of protecting his ex-best friend. Saying that Neil wanted Blaine and not him.

Neil's patience was beginning to run thin where this was concerned. He loved Jeff with all his heart but it hurt him deeply every time that Jeff did this.

Neil ran his hand threw his hair as he tried to compose himself.

"Are you okay?" A small voice asked from the direction of the door to their dorm room..

Neil turned towards the soft, concerned voice. He stood there staring for a few seconds before his brain kicked in and registered.

"_Oh god_, Kurt, _I am so sorry_ "Neil ran his hand once more through his hair. While Neil and Jeff had been arguing they had forgotten that Kurt had followed them. "I'm really sorry about all this; it's not been a good first day for you"

"It's okay, really" Kurt whispered as he shuffled on his feet nervously. He felt like he was intruding, and Neil was right it hadn't been a good start. This was supposed to be a place he could re-connect with himself. Somewhere he was supposed to feel safe but, in a space of 30 minutes, he had met his _very_ homophobic ex-friend and witnessed an argument between Neil and Jeff. For the first time since he found out he would be transferring he wandered if this place was any different to his old school. He started wandering if he had made a mistake by coming here.

"No it's not" Neil took a step forward and took the bag out of Kurt's hand, they hadn't even registered that Kurt was carrying it. Neil felt really bad. "It's not normally this bad, must be something in the water" Neil joked, he smiled slightly but it didn't reach his eyes.

Kurt knew he was trying to make light of the two arguments but, Kurt had grown good at reading unsaid messages. It's the eyes that give people away, and Neil's were tired, as if he was emotionally drained.

"He's not how I remember him"

Neil placed Kurt's suitcase on Jeff's old bed. Since they had become an item Jeff had insisted on sleeping in Neil's bed. This was around the same time that Jeff and Blaine's friendship came undone. It started with Neil comforting his new boyfriend, and then Jeff said he couldn't sleep without his little spoon. His bed had stayed empty since then, that was 1 year 11 months ago, not that Neil was counting.

Neil frowned at Kurt not understanding who he was talking about.

"Blaine, I knew him years ago but" Kurt shrugged his shoulders at Neil's confused look. "We were a lot younger then; I guess people change as they grow up"

Neil watched as Kurt's eyes became distant, it was like he was lost in some distant memory. Kurt sighed, his voice holding a hint of sadness.

"What was he like?" Neil asked as he sat down on the bed next to Kurt's bag. He was curious; he only knew Blaine for a couple of weeks before his friendship with Jeff changed.

Kurt turned his eyes and looked at Neil for a moment before a small smile graced his lips.

"He loved to cuddle" Kurt moved to sit next to Neil as he remembered the Blaine from before.

Neil was shocked; he couldn't ever imagine the Blaine Anderson he knew would cuddle, let alone another boy.

"Really?" Neil said as he screwed his face up in amazement.

"Yea he…" Kurt was interrupted from continuing as they both heard the bathroom door open. The two boys turned to see a very sheepish blond boy standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

"I'm sorry" Jeff said quietly as he looked down at the floor, he seemed to find his shoes very interesting. He fiddled nervously as he waited to see if his boyfriend would forgive him this time. He knew deep down that Neil wasn't interested in Blaine but, sometimes his jealousy got the better of him. "Forgive me?"

Neil sighed as he stood and walked over to his boyfriend. He could never stay angry at the blond boy, he loved him.

Jeff's eyes remained focused on the floor before him until two pairs of shoes came into his view. He lifted his eyes slightly so that he looked up at Neil through his eyelashes. He pouted as he waited patiently for Neil to speak the words he needed to hear.

Neil lifted his hand and placed his fingers gently on Jeff's cheek, he rubbed his thumb lovingly over his skin. He felt Jeff lean into his touch slightly as he stood patiently for Neil to say those words, the words that he was finding harder to say each time.

"I will always forgive you" Neil lifted Jeff's head slightly so he could lean in and kisses him softly on the lips. He placed their foreheads together and both boys closed their eyes, savouring the moment.

"I love you" Jeff whispered as he linked his fingers with Neil's free hand, he needed to connect them again and this was the simplest of gestures.

"I love you too" Neil whispered back. Jeff instantly pulled Neil into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy. He held him tightly s if he was afraid he was losing him each time they argued.

"Jeff you're suffocating me" Neil mumbled as he tried to lift his head to unbury his face from Jeff's shoulder.

"But that means I will have to let you go" Jeff pouted as he dropped his arms slightly allowing Neil's to breath.

"Well it's a burden you'll just have to live with" Neil looked up at his boyfriend and gave him a small smile. Jeff grinned down at him and captured his boyfriend's lips. He instantly deepened the kiss as Neil opened his mouth as he gasped in surprised.

Neil placed his hands on Jeff's chest and pushed him slightly away. Jeff whined instantly as his lips became detached from his boyfriends.

"Jeff we have company" Neil chastised him.

Jeff frowned down at him before his eyes caught sight of the figure sitting on his old bed.

"Kurt, shit sorry" Jeff mumbled as he left his boyfriend and walked over to the boy on his bed.

Kurt's have been moved, shocked and embarrassed as he watched the two boys interact. He couldn't believe how open they were about their relationship.

"I. It's fine" Kurt stammered out his voice wavering slightly.

"No it's not, I'm sorry about before with Anderson" Jeff said as he sat next to Kurt on his bed. "He just winds me up, like all the time."

Kurt didn't know what to say so he just gave a small smile back. Kurt's eyes suddenly widened as a loud rumble came from the direction of Jeff's stomach.

"Dinnertime" Jeff said excitedly a big grin splitting his face as he started to bounce on the bed. Kurt didn't know what to say or do as he sat their watching the sudden change in the blond boy. How can he go from being serious to bouncing like an excited puppy in a matter of seconds? Kurt wandered to himself.

Kurt turned his attention towards Neil as he heard a small laugh fall from his lips.

"Come on jumping jack flash" Neil smiled as he grabbed his boyfriends hand and dragged him off the bed. He couldn't explain away another broken bed. "Let's get you some food before people think there is a thunderstorm brewing."

Kurt watched as Jeff sneaked in another quick kiss as he feigned falling into Neil, the smaller boy just rolled his eyes at his boyfriends obvious ploy. The tension from before forgotten for now as they headed for the dorm room door.

"Come on Kurtie, we'll show you what banquet Dalton has to offer" Jeff shouted as he pulled Neil out of the door.

Kurt sat for a moment in shock before he jumped to his feet and followed the two laughing boys out their door, his own rumbling stomach making him curious.

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><p><strong>BLAINES DORM<strong>

Blaine stood in his bathroom staring at his reflection through the mirror. His shirt was undone and he could just make out the darkened skin as it began to develop. He skimmed his fingers over the new bruise tracing the outlines before they moved up to his chest. His callous fingertips skimmed slowly over the slightly raised skin. He ran the lines as his eyes followed them, taking in every dip and raise in his skin. The memory of the time his life changed was always running through his mind as he did this daily ritual. Every time Sebastian would leave, after, he would do this to remind himself of his place.

His mind drifted to the fight with Jeff, which was nothing new; he brought out the worse in Blaine. Blaine didn't blame him for being so angry with him; it was his own fault that things had gone so wrong with Jeff. He reminded himself of the reasons why he did these things, the list running through his mind, another daily ritual.

Sebastian had been particularly pleased with him today; he loved it when Blaine had a meltdown like that, especially when Jeff was on the receiving end. It was what Sebastian had needed after a _very _boring summer break.

Blaine hated it though, hated himself after. Today was particularly bad, Kurt had been there.

_Why is he here? _

_He shouldn't be here?_

_That wasn't the plan? _

_Why is he here?_

Blaine's thoughts whirled around as a new ritual was developing inside his already tired and confused mind.

He was brought out of his thoughts as he heard the soft sound of laughter in the corridor. The voice penetrated his mind as it took him back to before, before his life ended. He wished so much to go back to that place, before he grew up.

He reached into the sink and picked up the small shiny object. Blaine closed his eyes, soft words escaping from his lips as he felt the sharp pain slide across his skin. He felt the wetness as it started to slide down his body.

His mind became lost in his secret world as he felt the pain, all the tension that was crowding his mind seeped out through the new slit in his skin. His words started to seep through into his mind with each new stroke; peace was starting to surround him as his let the cold metal drop from his fingers. He gripped the sink with his hands, his knuckles growing white as his fingers tightened. He breathed in deeply as he tried to control his already blackening mind.

Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes and lifted them to see his new masterpiece. Just from the sight reflecting back at him his mind began to ease again, the blackness lifting slightly.

His heard the faint growl of his stomach as he began to feel the pangs of hunger creep up inside of him. He had had a release from this over the summer break but today, today was the beginning of the end once more. Now he would have to once again ask permission to live his life how Sebastian chose.

Blaine had upset him tonight, had fought him, now he must pay the price, now he must wait and see if Sebastian will a allow him to consume the food he had sent up to his dorm. He could smell the aroma as it wafted through the bathroom door as it was set next to his bed.

Blaine pulled himself together and started to do up the buttons of his shirt.

"_Leave it undone_"

Blaine turned his head suddenly as he heard the familiar voice behind him. His chest tightened as his heart stopped beating, fear was gripping his insides as he tried to push it away. The voice was laced with a need and want as their eyes locked onto his chest. Blaine paused his movements and let his hands fall to his side, he turned his head back to face the mirror. His eyes fell on the figure as he watched them through the reflection, they moved away from the door to walk back into the other room. Blaine closed his eyes and sighed deeply before turning around and following, his eyes trained to the floor.

He knew that they were risking a lot coming into his dorm so early _but_, needs sometimes override any logic a person may have. Blaine walked quietly over to his bed reaching for the hand that was now outstretched towards him.

As he slid onto the bed the overwhelming heartache began again. This was his life now, he had accepted this a long time ago. Any hopes he may of dreamed of over the summer was squashed in just a matter of hours.

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><p><em><strong>AN** Well what do you think? Does anyone have any ideas as to what Blaines life is like now? Let me hear your thoughts, please review as it helps me to update quicker. :0)_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N **Hi yes I'm back, not only did life get in the way of my writing but my computer crashed :0( hopefully all is okay now. Hope you enjoy this over due chapter. We get a bit more of an insight to Blaine aswell as Sebastian. As usual Read, Enjoy, Review :0)_

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

**WHAT DID I DO?**

Kurt was sat outside Dean Huntley's office listening to the raised voices inside, well one raised voice anyway. He sighed deeply as his mind drifted over the past couple of days. He had only been here for just three days and he seemed to be causing problems even without trying. He had been so hopeful when he had seen Blaine after all these years but as soon as he opened his mouth his hopes were dashed. He was not the boy he remembered, the boy who could melt a room with his infectious laugh and smile. Now he riled up the room with his anger and hatred, his homophobia, which Kurt was confused about because he had always thought that Blaine was gay like him.

He tried to push the memories of the old Blaine away because he was long gone, instead his thoughts drifted to the new friends he had made in the space of 2 days. For the past 2 days since he started he had been bunking in Jeff and Neil's dorm, they had taken him under their wing because Blaine was still refusing to let him take one step into the dorm let alone share with him. It hadn't been easy sharing a room with the two love birds especially yesterday when he had walked in on Jeff and Neil on the bed in the middle of a heavy making out session. Kurt shuddered as the images of the day before ran through his mind, as much as he liked them he never wanted to see that again.

_**FLASBACK**_

"_I'll just grab my bag then we can go down" Kurt said to Wes as he reached the dorm of Jeff and Neil. Kurt walked in and stopped frozen to the spot from the sight before him._

"_Jeff, stop...God" Neil's breathless voice could be heard from across the room. He was pinned to the bed by Jeff as said boy went to work on his boyfriend's neck. Neil's fingers were tangled in Jeff's blonde hair as Jeff nestled in between his legs. Kurt didn't know what to do as he felt his face burning red from the sight. _

"_God, Jeff…." Neil seemed to be tormented as to what he wanted, push his boyfriend off him or pull him tighter as his fingers tightened in the boy's hair, which made Jeff moan loudly from the slight pain as he pushed his hips into his boyfriend._

"_Kurt what's taking…? Oh for the love of god I did not need to see that" Wes gasped in pain as he walked in behind the frozen Kurt. He slammed his hands over both his own and Kurt's eyes as they heard a thud before them, scrunching his face up._

"_Shit, Jeff get off" Neil gasped as he pushed his boyfriend off himself as he realised they had visitors. He started to straighten himself up as he tried to calm his breathing; he grabbed a pillow and pulled it over himself to cover his embarrassment._

"_Ow what the fuck Neil" Jeff whined as he landed heavily on the floor, he sat up rubbing his back. "If you wanted me to stop all you had to do was say not kick me out of bed… shit my back hurts now" Jeff whined as he frowned a this boyfriend._

"_Shut up Jeff" Neil grounded out as he made to stand up tipping his head towards the door. Jeff frowned at him confused then followed his nod._

"_Kurt shit, sorry" Jeff mumbled as he dragged himself off of the floor rubbing his back as _

"_He's only been here 2 days guys he doesn't need to see that just yet… see this is why he shouldn't be sharing with you two" Wes whined as he tried to rub the image of his two friends out of his eyes. "God I'm gonna have nightmares tonight"_

"_It's okay I was just a bit... surprised" Kurt mumbled as he tried to look anywhere but at the two dishevelled boys. He had never been so embarrassed in his life._

"_Look I'm really sorry Kurt we thought you had gone out for the day" Neil said as he moved towards his new friend, he knew how uncomfortable Kurt must be feeling. "Jeff can get a bit... overzealous sometimes" _

"_You weren't complaining a minute ago" Jeff mumbled to himself, maybe a little too loud as he caught Neil's look._

"_What?" Jeff asked with raised eyebrows, okay maybe he should just leave it but he was very frustrated and maybe a little annoyed at being disturbed, Neil was just starting to let go, now he may never get that far again. _

"_How is wanting to make out with my hot boyfriend being overzealous" Jeff grumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You make it sound as though I was molesting you or something" Jeff pouted his feelings obviously hurt. _

"_That's not what I meant Jeff and you know that" Neil sighed, he knew where this was going and he really did not want to have this conversation right now. "It's just sometimes you get too excited" Okay maybe the wrong word to use as Jeff raised one eyebrow questioning Neil's words. _

_Kurt once more felt as though he was intruding in on some unresolved issues between his new friends. _

"_Look guys maybe…" Wes tried to say before he was cut off by Jeff who seemed to need to get some issues off his chest in front of an audience._

"_We have been going out for nearly 2 years you know, I can't help the fact that I just want to jump you whenever I can, __**I'm a teenage boy**__… Anyone would love to tap this" Jeff said as he gestured to himself. Kurt, Wes and Neil all raised their eyebrows together as Jeff continued on his little rant._

"_I don't see why everyone is getting their knickers in a twist, it's not like Kurt saw us doing anything" Jeff continued as he put "doing" in air quotes. "We were only kissing. I mean it's not as though we go any further anyway" Jeff mumble the last bit as he was reaching the whiney stage now._

"_**Jeff not now"**__ Neil grounded as he glared at his boyfriend, he didn't want Jeff bringing up their personal business right now. He knew how frustrating it was for Jeff but that didn't give him the right to bring it up in front of Wes let alone Kurt. Jeff lifted his eyes to look at Neil he knew he should back down but he was frustrated._

"_Yea well it's that ass holes fault anyway" Jeff mumbled as he started to sulk._

"_What? Who?" Wes and Neil said together their faces creased from confusion._

"_Blainey boy "Jeff said as he scrunched up his nose in distaste. "If he wasn't such a __**dick **__then Kurt would be in his own dorm and we could enjoy some quiet time" Okay maybe that was a bit too far Jeff realised as Kurt's face fell at his words and Neil and Wes glared at him. God he was such a prick sometimes. He was just about to apologise when he was cut off by a very angry boyfriend._

"_**I don't believe you, you're blaming him cus you can't get your rocks off… you know what you can be such a dick sometimes…. God I can't believe… just forget it"**__ Neil snapped before he stormed out of his dorm._

"_Shit" Jeff mumbled to himself as he rubbed his face with his hands, Neil had never spoken to him like that before well, not out of anger anyway maybe in jest. He stood watching his boyfriends retreating back. Jeff sighed heavily as he moved towards the two boys who were keeping quiet now, although if looks could kill Wes would be up for murder now.. "Look I'm really sorry Kurt; I didn't mean it the way it sounded. You're always welcome here. Just ignore me I can be an ass hole too, just, you can stay here as long as you need"_

"_It's okay Jeff" Kurt whispered quietly, he felt it was his fault that they had argued, if it wasn't for him he wouldn't of walked in on them._

"_No it's not Kurt, Jeff's right he can be an ass" Wes snapped as he glared at jiff, Jeff looked down at the floor feeling ashamed as he shuffled his feet. "Look you go find your boyfriend and make up I'll go and talk to Blaine again and try and work something out" Wes sighed, no one could stay angry at Jeff when he did his little boy act._

"_You know he won't listen" Jeff looked up and frowned at Wes._

"_Yes he will, I'll make him"_

_Jeff laughed at that obviously not believing him as he left to find Neil, hoping he was still his boyfriend._

**BACK TO NOW**

Well Wes obviously had no luck convincing Blain, hence the reason that he was now sitting outside the principal's office.

"Kurt"

Kurt lifted his eyes at the sound of the secretary's voice, he hadn't realised he had zoned out. She smiled softly at him.

"You can go through now" She said softly, Kurt gave her a small smile and nodded in thanks.

Kurt slowly opened the door pushing it gently open; he could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He had never been so nervous about going into the heads office. As he walked in his eyes rested on the form that was slouched in the chair in front of the Deans desk. He swallowed deeply then entered and closed the door behind him.

"Kurt thank you for joining us" Dean Huntley said "Please take a seat" He motioned to the other chair in front of him.

Kurt noticed Wes sitting to the other side of Blaine, he smiled warmly at him and Kurt dipped his head. Blaine never once acknowledged him.

"Kurt nice to see you again" Kurt jumped slightly as he heard a voice suddenly beside him, he turned his head to face the other person. There stood the lad from Blaine's dorm, he had seen him on his first day, Sebastian he thought his name was.

"I'm afraid I haven't had chance to introduce myself properly as I'm a senior so I wouldn't be in your classes. Sebastian Smyth" he held his hand out to Kurt, he looked uncertain at the hand and then reached and shook it uneasily. He had a bad feeling about this boy, Kurt didn't know why because apart from Wes everyone seemed to like him.

"Kurt, Kurt Hummel" Kurt said with a smile.

"I know" Sebastian said grinning.

_Okay weird_ Kurt thought to himself. From the corner of his eye Kurt could see Blaine watching them. His face revealed nothing but his eyes, there was something there Kurt was sure of it.

"Well if you're done leering at Kurt" Wes snapped, he really didn't like him. "Then maybe we can sort out where Kurt is going to stay"

"Fucking not with me" Blaine grumbled although it was with less conviction.

Dean Huntley seemed to ignore this and indicated once more for Kurt to sit down. As he moved himself to sit he saw Blaine shovel his chair further towards Wes. Wes scowered at him a nudged him with his shoulder. Blaine turned and scowered back at his friend.

"What? I don't want his Queer germs" Blaine grumbled which earned him a harder shove from Wes.

"That's enough Blaine we do not accept homophobic behaviour here" Principle Huntley said sternly.

"Fucking truth though" Blaine mumbled to himself as he crossed his arms heavily over his chest, scooting further down into his chair.

Kurt couldn't help the hurt he felt showing on his face as it fell. It hurt that his once best friend was behaving like this.

"I'm sorry about that Kurt" Sebastian said as he leaned down and whispered in his ear placing a hand on his shoulders squeezing it softly. Kurt felt uncomfortable as he felt Sebastian's breath on his cheek.

"Now Kurt I know things having been easy for you since you transferred, but I'm hoping to sort this out now" Dean Huntley said with a small frown on his face which he directed towards Blaine. Blaine was staring at a spot on the floor, he was obviously trying to block out the conversation going on around him.

"I know Blaine here hasn't given you the warmest of welcomes"

Blaine snorted as the principle carried on shifting in his chair again. "But it is not ideal for you to stay with Jeff and Neil and, the only other free bed is with Blaine. So you **will **be sharing with him"

Kurt felt his heart pounding in his chest. What was he thinking putting a gay kid in the same room as a homophobic jerk, because that's what Blaine was behaving like now.

"Now Blaine has promised not to make things difficult for you anymore, haven't you"

Blaine just mumbled and shifted in his chair, Wes rolled his eyes at Blaine's non-committal response but he knew he would stick to it. Well he hoped he would.

"Well Blaine, you can go and don't forget you're on dorm detention for 2 days" Dean Huntley said as he indicated for him to leave.

"What why?" Blaine complained his face scrunched up in confusion.

"For the way you have treated our new transfer Mr Anderson" Dean Huntley said, the disappointment he felt was evident in his voice. "You know we have a zero tolerance of bullying, of any kind."

Kurt could fell the anger emanating from the boy next to him.

_Why is he so angry?_ Kurt thought to himself as he chanced a quick glance to Blaine. Kurt looked quickly away as Blaine turned and glared at him, he obviously blamed Kurt for his detention. Kurt couldn't help but feel guilty, if it wasn't for him Blaine, Jeff and Neil would not be having such a bad couple of days. Even though he knew deep down it wasn't really him the voice in the back of his mind would not let him believe it.

Blaine stood pushing his chair heavily back and stormed out of the Dean's office.

"Sir can I?" Wes indicated to the door that had been slammed shut, he really wanted to go after his friend to make sure he didn't so anything stupid.

"Yes thank you Wes" The Dean dismissed him with a wave of his hand.

"I'll see you at lunch Kurt" Wes said as he turned to his new friend, Kurt just nodded in response. He was a bit unsettled at the moment and didn't trust his voice. Wes gave him a small apologetic smile then darted from the room in pursuit of his friend.

"Yes and I will see you around too Kurt Hummel." Sebastian gave him a broad grin before walking out of the door not waiting for a response.

"I'm sorry about that Kurt; I know it must be very uncomfortable for you" Dean Hurtley said apologetically bringing Kurt out of the confused thoughts that were whirling around his mind.

"I don't understand" Kurt said with a small confused voice. "If Blaine hates me this much why put us in a dorm together what if he.." Kurt couldn't even say the words; all he could think of was what happened before he came here.

"He doesn't hate you Kurt" The Dean said determinedly. "no matter how he acts he doesn't actually hate anyone"

"I'm sorry I don't understand?" Kurt was even more confused as he starred at the man in front of him, his forehead furrowed.

"I know it may not seem like it but" The Dean sighed heavily as he ran his hand over his voice. "I can't really explain because I don't know myself but, according to Wes he feels that you're the only one who may be able to get through to him. He said you two used to be best friends"

Okay that took him by surprise, he hadn't realised that Wes knew that.

"We used to be friends but that was a very long time ago, we are very different people now" Kurt didn't know what to do, he wanted to help Blaine but he was still dealing with his own problems.

"Well just try for one week that's all I'm asking" The man before him seemed a touch desperate to Kurt; he didn't know what to think.

The Dean could see that Kurt was still uncertain about what he was asking of him, he knew it was a big step for this boy especially after what he had been through himself. Now he was being asked to share a room with his ex-best friend who seemed to be aggressive and very homophobic.

"Then, if you still want to, I will find you somewhere else to dorm. You're his last hope Kurt, Blaine has burned all but a few bridges and I don't know how much longer I can keep giving him second chances before the governors decide to expel him."

Kurt knew what he was going to say, he couldn't let Blaine ruin his life even if he was determined to.

"Okay one week" He whispered hoping he was not going to regret his decision.

"Thank you Kurt." Dean Huntley let out the breath he had no idea he was holding.

**Outside**

Wes ran after Blaine determined to catch him up; he wanted to know what the fuck he thought he was doing.

"Hey, what the fuck was that?" Wes breathed out as he caught up with the boy who seemed to be more trouble than he was worth.

"I told you I didn't want him around." Blaine snapped as he carried on walking, he really did not want this conversation with Wes. It was only going to end in and argument and he hated arguing with his only friend left.

"Yea? And you also told me how you felt about him" Wes grabbed Blaine's arm and pulled him to a stop swinging him around to face him. "Remember?" Wes frowned at the boy in front of him his face puzzled by him.

"Yea, well, I was confused" Blaine stammered slightly flustered, he was hoping that Wes would not bring up the one time he actually opened up to anyone about his feelings. He swore he would never make that mistake again; it just left you vulnerable to more pain. "Not anymore."

"Those feelings don't just go away Blaine" Wes was determined to make him see the truth.

"No but they get shattered and burned." Blaine couldn't help the hurt that filled his voice making it waver slightly. He hated the feelings that this boy evoked in him.

Wes could tell that Blaine was ready to explode if he didn't back off, now was not the time to talk about this.

"Look just try, please, he had a bad time a this old school this is his fresh start and you're close to being expelled." Wes knew how to get Blaine to think about his actions, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. he was hoping this would be a good time.

"Yea well, isn't he the lucky one sometimes we still live in our hell" Blaine snapped as he tried to push past his friend, he didn't like the feeling in his gut when he heard Kurt might have been hurt at his previous school. He still couldn't let it show though.

"What's that supposed to mean" Wes said gripping tighter onto Blaine's arm preventing him from moving further away. "Are you still with him," Wes whispered making sure no one else could hear.

"No, I told you I wasn't" Blaine voice wavered once more as he felt his walls being penetrated again.

"Why don't I believe you" Wes whispered harshly to his friend, how many times had they had this discussion.

"Just leave it Wes" Blaine snapped as he yanked his arm out of the boys grip, this was one thing he was not ready to admit to. He was ashamed of himself he didn't need Wes's as well.

"No, you know…" Wes started to say before he was cut off by Blaine.

"Yea, well how's David?" Blaine held a smug smile even though inside he knew it was a low blow as he watched his friends face fall.

"That was low" Wes said pointing at his so called friend "and that is totally different." And with that Wes stormed off.

Blaine felt a twinge of guilt inside him; he sighed heavily then turned and stormed off in the opposite direction.

From behind one of the pillars in the hall Sebastian emerged. He had a mixture of anger, frustration and curiosity on his face.

Wes needed a little reminder of were to not stick his nose in, if it wasn't for that little prick Kurt would not be moving in with Blaine.

Mind you he did like a challenge, and judging by Blaine's reaction when he was talking to Kurt, he could have a little game with Blaine.

_Yep this could be a fun year_ Sebastian thought to himself with a sly grin on his face.

Reaching for his phone in his pocket he pulled it out, flipped it open and typed a quick message.

_**Time for the games to begin **_

A message came back within seconds.

_**To Boy Scout **_

_**~Is he back in? **_

_**From Slick **_

_**To Slick **_

_**~He will be, set it up for tomorrow night **_

_** From Boy Scout**_

_**To Boy Scout **_

_**~ sorted…Let the good times roll **_

_**From Slick**_

Pocketing his phone once more Sebastian turned and whistled as he walked off back down the hall, a smug grin all over his face.

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><p><em><strong>AN** So what do you think? It seems things are not all fluffy bunnies and hearts in Jeff and Neils relationship Wes seems to have Blaine pretty much clued up about Kurt and, what is going on between Wes and David? We've seen a bit of Sebastian's devious side, what has he got planned for our boys with this person called Slick? Who is Slick?. More will be revealed in the next chapter where we see more from Blaines side on how he feels about Kurt being here at Dalton, might even have a small flashback from when our two boys were younger. Please review and let me know your thoughts :0)_


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N_**_ Hi guys sorry for the lateness of this update but I was facing a little dilema. I had to decide whether to put this chapter in now or later. I decided to put it in now but, that means our boys are not in this one. Don't worry though because they will be back in the next one, which should be updated sometime over the weekend because it is already half written. I hope you enjoy this chapter and don't be too hard on one of the characters, there is a reason why he behaves the way he does. As always please READ, ENJOY, REVIEW :0D xx_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 5<strong>

**LOVES UNREQUAINTED**

Wes marched towards his dorm room; his face was scrunched up revealing the torment he felt inside. Sometimes he _really _hated Blaine; he wandered why he even stood by him when so many had walked away. After his confrontation with his so called friend he had wandered the grounds for a while. He couldn't face going back to classes, couldn't face seeing anyone.

_How dare he_ throw David in his face when all he was trying to do was help him? Blaine knew how much it hurt Wes when he did that, he knew just what buttons to press when he wanted his friend to back off. Wes knew it was just a defence mechanism that, his so called friend, used to keep people at bay. It didn't mean that it hurt any less.

Wes pushed open his dorm room door taking a step inside before coming to an abrupt stop.

_Fucking great this is all I need_ Wes thought to himself as he came face to face with the boy in question making out with his girlfriend on _his _bed, their moans echoing around the room.

"_**Shit, David**_, what did I tell you about making out with your girl of the week _**on my bed**_? **AND**…. putting the scarf on the door so I don't have to see _**that**__"_ Wes snapped angrily as he stormed over to the dresser averting his eyes from the scene in front of him.

David and the girl jumped apart as they heard Wes storm into the room shouting, David fell off the bed landing on the floor in a heap as the girl hastily buttoned up her own shirt.

Wes picked up the Dalton scarf, reaching out his hand, he shook the article in question at the two people who were still frantically tidying themselves up. David scrambling to his feet at the same time.

"Look I'm sorry man_, chill"_ David snapped back out of frustration, being interrupted when he was trying to get to second base with his new girlfriend was _not good_. "You know how it is, sometimes you just forget"

Wes inwardly screamed as he watched his friend doing up the buttons of his shirt, his bare chest hitting him in the face, if he stared any harder his eyes would pop out.

"I thought you were sick anyway?" Wes grounded out as he placed his hands on his hips, raising his eyebrows in question. He was trying hard not to gawp at his best friend as he tucked his shirt into his trousers. David had dodged his lessons today because he had a 'migraine'.

"Sandy made it better" David shrugged smirking at the girl on the bed, who looked smugly back at her new boyfriend.

"Yea, an adrenaline rush is good for pumping the blood around the body" This Sandy girl said her eyes undressing the dark skinned boy in front of her, resting on his groin area.

Wes rolled his eyes felling physically sick, David felt the need to adjust his pants at that stage making the girl smirk even more.

"_Anyway,_ maybe you should of knocked before you came _barging in_?" The girl said turning towards Wes, she was obviously frustrated to at being interrupted. She had most likely skipped school just to make out with her boyfriend.

"_**Knock?**_ _This is __**my fucking**__ dorm as well_ …_who are you anyway? _"Wes's eyes flew open in rage and disbelief; he couldn't believe that she expected him to knock at _his own fucking door_.

_Who did she think she was_?

"I'm Sandy, David's girlfriend" The girl snapped at Wes as if he should of known. Wes stared at her for a moment his eyebrows joined out of confusion.

"What happened to Mercedes?" Wes asked turning his attention back towards his best friend, he couldn't believe that David had dumped Mercedes for _this slut_.

"Who the fuck is Mercedes?" Sandy snapped her forehead furrowed as she pulled herself up off the bed.

_David had better watch this one_ Wes thought to himself _a very fiery jealous streak in her._

"She's no one… Wes is just pissed because he really liked Mercedes" David said trying to cover his back, he took a step towards his girlfriend giving her his best puppy eyes. Once more Wes rolled his eyes, he had seen this too many times, her knew what was coming next.

"You're the one I love" David leaned in and kissed Sandy softly on thesis. Sandy melted into David's arms a smile on her lips.

And there it was, David knew how to charm the girls.

"Maybe he should hook up with her then, sounds like he could do with getting laid." She whispered, not too quietly to her boyfriend. This made Wes frown, he knew she knew he had heard.

"She's not his type" David smirked down at his girlfriend.

"Well he better not try it on with me just cus he pines after your girlfriends**"**

"Seriously you're not my type love, I don't sleep with.."

"Okay," David jumped in not wanting a slanging match between his best friend and girlfriend.

"Look I love you, you know that there is no one else for me" David said effectively smoothing out the creases as he locked eyes with this girl. David gave her his most winning smile, Wes knew he had her because he had fallen for that smile himself.

"_Well if I find out you're cheating on me I will make sure you sing soprano for the rest of your life" _Sandy replied crossing her arms across her chest and looking up determinedly at her now scared boyfriend.

Both boys winced at the thought that ran through their minds, they swallowed deeply.

"I would never cheat on the most gorgeous, sexy, wonderful girlfriend... The love of my life "David was now laying it on thickly, Wes rolled his eyes and tried not to gag. He had heard those words too many times coming from his best friends mouth.

"Well, okay then" Sandy smiled sweetly before pulling David down into a messy, lustful, tongue slapping kiss. Her eyes were firmly on Wes's making sure he knew where he stood.

Wes was stuck between throwing up, walking out or chucking this girl out of his window and shoving his own tongue down this dark skinned boy.

"That's a reminder of what you will miss" Debbie said her voice glazed with untouched lust as she left the boy panting. She gave a sickly twisted smile to Wes who gave her the same one back and then sauntered out the door, twirling sexually as she left the room.

"_Fuck sake Wes now I'm gonna be horny all night_" David whined as he turned to face his best friend his face holding a pained look.

"Do I look like I fucking care David" Wes grounded out as he threw the scarf back onto the desk.

"What's up with you?" David moaned as he pushed his hands into his pockets, obviously he was hoping to release the strain against his groin. "Time of the month" David mumbled the last bit.

"_**Fuck you David**_, I just don't need to see that when I walk into my own dorm" Wes snapped as he moved towards his bed and flopped on top of it throwing his arm over his eyes.

"And why die you have to do it on my bed?" He asked screwing his face up at the image that flashed through his mind.

"Well your bed is more comfortable, it bounces" David grinned as he sat on the bed heavily, making Wes bounce up as he laid on his back, making his friend groan and frown at him behind his arm.

"What happened to Mercedes anyway?" Wes sighed as he felt David lay down beside him resting his head on his chest.

"I met Sandy and it was love at first sight" David sighed as he snuggled deeper into Wes.

"You said that about the last 6 girls D" Wes tried to keep his heart beat steady as he felt David wrap his arm over his body. He could feel the smile on his friends face as he used his pet name for his best friend meaning he had forgiven him.

"This time it is different, she's the one" David lifted his head slightly until his forehead nestled in the crook of his friends' neck.

Wes felt his breath hitch slightly as he allowed his own hand to rest on David's shoulder drawing him in closer. He knew what was going to happen; it always did when David couldn't get off with one of his girls.

Wes's body stiffened as he felt David's hand edging lower, his hips rocking gently again his friend's thigh. He could feel how hard avid was, but he knew deep down that it wasn't him that he was hard for.

Wes swallowed deeply closing his eyes willing David to stop but deep down wanting it to carry on.

"_David_" Wes whispered his voice slightly shaky as he was half begging but not really knowing for what.

"Please Weser" David whispered his own voice already hoarse.

"David we shouldn't be… s_hit_" Wes was caught mid-sentence; he breathed in heavily as he felt David palm him hard through his trousers as he rocked harder against him.

"Please…" David sighed half begging himself "Need release, please"

Wes's chest tightened as he fought against what _should happen_ and what _he wanted to happen_. So many times they had been in this situation, so many times Wes felt like shit after because David pretended nothing had happened.

Wes knew that there was no use fighting because he always gave in in the end.

He closed his eyes tighter as he reached down with his free hand, shifting his body slightly as he started to palm David through his own trousers. David instantly pushed into Wes's hands, moaning at the contact.

There was no kissing, no undoing of trousers just their hand s moving in sync as they brought each other closer to release.

David pushed harder into Wes's hands as he palmed his best friend roughly. Their breaths were deep and haggard as they moaned with each thrust.

He knew that David was close as his body started to jutter so; he pushed harder and faster up into David's hands biting his lip so as not to moan out loudly.

_God he hated this. No, he loved this. _Wes's mind was a mixture of whirl wind thoughts_._

"Turn around" David whispered as he suddenly stopped moving.

"_What?_" Wes managed to squeeze out in confusion, he tried to push up into David hand but he moved it to his hips and pushed his friend over so Wes's back was against David's chest.

Wes didn't know what was happening but he soon found out as David started rutting against his ass. His hand moving back to palm Wes through his trousers rougher this time as he pushed harder into him, his hard clothed cock brushing over the crack of Wes's clothed ass.

_Oh my god_! Wes thought to himself as his mouth fell open at the new sensation.

Wes didn't have time to comprehend what was happening as David took their 'messing around' to a _whole new_ level.

David pushed harder and pulled Wes tighter into his body as his hard cock moved roughly against both fabrics. He buried his head into the back of Wes's neck suddenly sucking hard on the tight skin, causing Wes to moan loudly before biting his bottom lip again.

They had an un-written rule, No moaning, that way it seemed less real.

_Yeah right! _Wes had often thought to himself, David moaned plenty.

This seemed to make David even harder, Wes felt him push against his ass harder each time as he sucked the skin of his friends neck into his mouth.

_God_ how Wes wanted to just strip them both naked and have David _pound_ into him.

He moved in time with his friend's movements as they both felt the familiar tightness, the familiar warmth at the base of their stomach.

Wes came first shuddering in his friend's hand, the wetness soaking his boxers and trousers, which was unusual as David usually came first leaving his friend to finish himself off in the bathroom. This time though, as Wes's trousers became damp under David's hand, David had gripped his clothed cock tighter as he rutted faster and harder against Wes. After a couple of more thrusts David came groaning into the Asian boys neck, gripping Wes's cock painfully tighter. Their bodies rocked slowly together as they started tocome down from their high.

Wes didn't know what to make of David's actions because, this time had been the best they had ever done. He could feel David's heart beating widly against his back, his own trying to escape out of his chest. He couldn't help the pained smile forming on his lips.

As they slowed down the movement of each other, Wes felt David start to go limp behind him, the soft snore in his ear made him realise that David had nodded off.

_Nothing changed there then_ Wes laughed softly to himself as he tried to control his own breathing. He could feel the heavy breath of his friend on the back of his neck.

Wes turned in David's arms causing the other boy to whimper, and pull him closer, at the slight loss of contact. Wrapping his arms around his Asian friend he snuggled his face closer.

"Love you" David whispered as he dosed back off again.

Wes froze as David's words started to sink in.

_Had he heard him right? _

_Did David just say he loved him? _

Wes's face was a mixture of confusion and hope as he felt his heart beat even faster.

Wes shook the thoughts out of his mind; he must have heard him wrong. Maybe he just heard what he _wanted_ to hear. There is no way that David was in love with him; it broke his heart every time he was this close to him. David would never, _could never_, love him and Wes knew that. David was incapable of loving only one person and, David was **_'**straight**.'_**

It broke his heart, tore him up inside because, Wes was in love with his best friend of 4 years and David was in love with whatever girl crossed his path.

David knew that Wes was gay; he had told him when they both first came here aged 12. David hadn't cared but insisted he was straight. They had only been rooming for 4 months before one of David's nightmares had woken them both up.

David would never discuss his nightmares; even now he refused to acknowledge them.

After the first time, neither boy thought anything of it when David crawled into Wes's bed the next night and snuggled into him, it was just felt natural. Now 4 years later they were still sharing the same bed.

Wes couldn't remember how or when their friendship had turned into _this, _whatever _this_ was_._ I suppose you could say _'friends with benefits when David wasn't getting any'._

Wes both hated and loved it at the same time. He knew he had to stop this before it destroyed both of them but, it was like an addiction, he didn't know how too. He knew that David _used him for sex_ but he still couldn't stay away.

Wes turned onto his back allowing David to snuggle in further into his side; he maneuvered his arm so he could wrap it around the darker boys shoulder. He knew they should get changed out of their uniforms but, he just didn't care at the moment. David usually woke during the night to wash away any signs of their 'messing' anyway.

David buried his head deeper into the crook of Wes's neck and sighed deeply in his sleep. A stray tear slipped down the Asian boys face as he fought with his mixed up emotions. He knew the time was coming when he would have to break away from his best friend. If he was going to have any chance at happiness, any chance of escaping this heartache, then he had to walk away but, he just didn't have the strength, _not yet_.

"I love you too" Wes whispered in the darkness as he felt the night time creep over them. Tonight would be another sleepless, restless night.

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><p><em><strong>AN** Well what do you think? A little insight into the complicated friendship of Wes and David. Don't be too hard on David though because there is a reason for his behaviour, which we will find out later on. Will Wes be able to break from his bestfriend and walk away from their screwed up friendship? Will David loose his bestfriend because of their 'Messing'? Only time will tell. _

_Well our boys are back in the next chapter, how will they get on with sharing a dorm room. Please as always REVIEW, I like to hear your thoughts. :0) xx_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N** Hi guys I'm back, life sort of spiralled out of control for a bit but, this is the first chapter of two that I have written while I have been away. The next chapter should be up over the weekend as I want to get this story moving again. I'm looking for a Beta because my office word is not working correctly. Any volunteers please... As always READ, ENJOY, REVIEW :0)_

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

** CONTROL**

Kurt took a deep breath and slowly opened the door to his dorm. He had put off moving his belongings in until they very last minute, he was feeling a mixture of emotions. Years he had wanted to find Blaine and pick up where they had left off, he always thought that they would always be best friends, but now, sharing a room with his old best friend was his worst nightmare _because Blaine was an ass_. He was still in a state of shock at how much his childhood friend had changed, how completely different they were now.

Kurt took a tentative step inside his eyes scanning the room.

"Blaine?" Kurt called out as he walked further into his room pulling his suitcase behind him. Silence met him and he breathed a sigh of relief, Blaine was not there. Thankfully he could settle in before Blaine turned up with out any real drama, he would deal with Blaine later.

Kurt allowed his eyes to skirt around the room once more taking in his new surroundings. It wasn't what he had expected, not really, going by the way Blaine behaved, and what he remembered, he had expected a typical teenage boys room with clothes strawn across the floor, but, it was surprisingly tidy. He moved over to the empty bed in the far corner, he had hoped for one by the window but that one was already taken, although looking at it you wouldn't believe that anyone was sleeping in the bed. Leaving his suitcase beside his bed his curiosity took over.

Blaine intrigued him, he wanted to know how a fun loving popular boy turned into a hate filled, un popular young man. As Kurt wandered over to his new room mates side he realised just how much his friend had changed. The Blaine he knew was very messy, disorganised and always said 'life was too short to worry about 'housework', this Blaine was bordering **OCD**. Okay people change as they get older but, Kurt realised that all of blaines belongings were in a persific order and there wasn't a speck of dust in the room, nothing was out of place.

Kurt moved towards Blaines dresser and paused, his hand hovering over one of the draw handles as he wandered whether this was where he hid a lot of his disorganisation. He bit his lip as he contemplated whether to take a peak inside. His eyes slipped to the door nevous incase Blaine suddenly turned up and caught him snooping. He played with his thoughts, he would hate it if he knew someone had invaded his personnel space but, the curiosity over came him. He pulled the draw slowly open and peered inside. His forehead furrowed in confusion as he pulled the draw further out, the sight of the contents appeared before him. He had opened Blaines underwear draw but the way it was layed out took him by surprise. His socks were lined up in colour order matching his boxers, folded in the exact same way. Kurt didn't have to think twice as he closed the draw, he opened the second one. This was filled with Blaines pyjamas, again colour coordinated and folded in exactly the same way as his boxers. Kurt moved more swiftly as he checked the further 2 draws containing Blaines clothes, all lined in the same way.

Kurt closed the draws and furrowed his eyebrows even more as his confused thoughts whirled around his mind. He looked around the room and then walked swiftly towards the bathroom. Kurt stepped inside and couldn't believe how clean this teenage boys bathroom was. Okay Kurt loved a nice clean bathroom but this looked pristene, as though some one had scrubbed every inch with a toothbrush. Kurt moved towards the cabinet on the wall beside the sink and opened the door. Blaines gel, deodrant, shampoo and conditioner were lined up in the same perfect way as the items on his dresser, labels facing the front. A new toothbrush was unopened in it's packet along side the most cleaniest used tube opf toothpaste he had ever seen. Kurt closed the cabinet as a horrible sinking feeling came over him. Kurt knew that people who have OCD are trying to control some aspect of their life as they felt the rest spiraling out of control. He wandered how bad this was for Blaine, wandering how much of his life he had lost control of.

Kurt decided there and then that no matter how much Blaine pushed him away he was going to push right back. He would make sure Blaine knew that he wasn't going anywhere and that he could trust him to let him in, let him help. Kurt had made his own mistakes, tried to cope with everything himself and it had nearly destroyed him, his family and the few friends he had. He could see how much, what ever secrets Blaine was hiding, was destroying him bit by bit.

He needed to speak to Wes.

**MEANTIME ON A STREET CORNER**

Blaine stood on the corner of the street his hands shoved deep into his trousers. It wasn't a particular cold evening but he felt chilled to the bone. As much as he tried to keep his thoughts away from Kurt and the fact that by the time he got back all of his stuff would be in his room, his mind was plagued with them. He wa full of confused feelings and thoughts, his emotions would shoot from hopefull and excitement that he got to see one of the most important people in his life again, to panic that Kurt would find out how much he had changed and hate him.

Judging by his own behaviour the past few days made this a huge possibility but, it had thrown him and he couldn't have Kurt getting too close to him, it was supposed to be easier this way. Then Blaine would worry that his ex best friend would become mixed up in his nightmare and, the extra mess in his room that was the only thing he had any control over was driving him crazy and he hadn't even seen it yet.

Over the past 2 years he had managed to put all his feelings and thoughts into boxes were he wouldn't have to deal with them, his own pandoras box. Things were supposed to be different this year, he had made his decision over the 6 week break that it was time, he had even made a list of things he had to do before hand but, everything had began to spiral out of control again because**_ Kurt_** had come back. That had thrown Blaine, he hadn't changed his mind, just threw him off the rails a bit, well _**a lot**_. Now he had to get focused again, get his mind in order once more. Blaine could not keep his pandoras box closed while Kurt was around, there was only one way that he was going to survive this, survive Kurt until the time was right, and he knew it was going to be torture.

As his thoughts were a whirl wind, as he struggled to get them under control he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, pulling him out of the darkest corner of his mind. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phoine he flicked it open.

_**To my guardian angel**_

_**Are you still okay for tomorrow?**_

_**From Nightingale**_

Blaine felt his stomach turn, a pain tightened his chest as he realised things were not as simple as he came to think. This would be the hardest part. He felt tears prickling his eyes as he tried to keep his thoughts in order. This would be the last thing on his list, the hardest one to make happen. Blaine swallowed and typed back.

_**To Nightingale**_

_**I will be there, I promise.**_

_**Your GA**_

He placed his phone back in his pocket ignoring the vibrating as he felt his heart plummet into his stomach. The noise of the approaching car always brought him back to the reality of his life, the reason why he had made his decision, the one thing that he could not control, that ruled his life. As the car came to a stop Blaine hurriedly opened the door and climbed in ignoring the smiling man beside him as he felt his eyes upon him.

"Good to have you back Blainey boy" The man purred as he placed his hand on the young boys knee rubbing it gently. Blaine shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his body tensed under the touch. This did not sit well with the bloke as his face contorted in to anger.

"Sebby said you were up for this" The man growled out, his frustration clear in his voice, Blaine looked out of the window he flinching at the name. "Look if your not up fopr this I can always get sebby to get our _**little wall flower** _back."

Blaine shot his head around to stare at the man, he was not going to play these games.

"_You leave him alone, we had a deal"_ Blaines voice was low and firm, he knew he shouldn't talk back bu,t he _was not_ going to let anyone near 'Little wall flower', as he was called, _again_.

"Well what about the new boy that Sebby was talking about?" The man smiled as he saw the instant change come over the boy beside him, he could feel his body reacting already, this was what he wanted. "He said they used to call him porcelain at his old school, wander how he breaks?"

"**_You stay the fuck away from him_**" Blaine grounded out, his face laced with pure hate as it showed his anger. "**_You touch him and I will kill you_**"

"Well that's the Blaine I know and love" the man laughed back at him, his face laced with his arousal already as his eyes hovered over the younger boys body. Blaine felt his stomach churn as he turned away, he knew what was going through the leaches mind. He knew that this was what he wanted.

"Come on then Blainey boy, times a wasting" the man laughed as he stared to drive off. "I have plans for you"

Blaine stared out of the window, he tried to hold back the tears that he knew wanted to fall. He knew what was coming and he felt sick but, he also knew that it would soon come to an end as his thoughts drifted to the comfort of his list hidden in a box in his room.

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><p><em><strong>AN** Well you may of picked up on what major secret t Blaine is hiding from everyone now. I made him **OCD** because, I wanted it to be a sign that someone new into his life would pick up on that people around him haven't. There will be a few more signs being dropped about showing Blaines inner turmoil that the people around him haven't noticed, and yes, something will happen between Blaine and Kurt that pushes things further towards the edge of breaking point for our boy. Sometimes an outsider sees things that people who are always around don't see, hopefully Kurt can open their eyes to what they have missed. So what is Blaines big secret? Who is Nightingale? Why do they call Blaine their Guardian Angel? And who is Wall Flower? Your thoughts and reviews are always welcome :0)_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**NIGHT TIME TERRORS**

_Kurt ran down the corridor on his way to class, the place was deserted. Kurt flitted his eyes around every corner, the shadows dancing making him jump. _

_Where was everyone? The school was in complete silence, there was absolutely no one around. Something felt wrong, out of place but Kurt kept running._

_**How long is this damn corridor?** Kurt thought to himself, his __heart pounding in his chest as he turned yet another corner, yet another shadow playing with his mind. The corridor, it just seemed to go on forever and ever. _

_Kurts heart started to speed up faster and faster, his breaths coming out short and sharp as his blood pumped around his body. _

_**Where is everyone? Where's this damn classroom?** Kurt was starting to panic even more when he suddenly came face to face with a wooden door. He skidded to a halt as he nearly ran straight into it, it just seemed to appear out of no where._

_Kurt paused and took a deep breath as he tried to steady his nerves, he adjusted the satchel strap on his shoulder and pushed the door open. He stepped inside, Kurt jumped as the door slammed behind him echoing in the empty classroom. He allowed his eyes to roam around the room, he held his breath as they fell upon a lone figure sitting at a desk in the far corner of the room. Their legs stretched out before them as they propped their feet up on the desk, the figure leant back on their chair._

"_What took you so long?" He asked, his face broke out in a smirk as he watched Kurt take a step back fear written all over his face. Kurt felt the blood drain from his face as his eyes widened, his chest became tighter as he struggled to breath. He felt a cold chill run through his body as the sound of deep laughter rang out around him._

**KURT POV**

Kurt's eyes suddenly flew open and he sprang up into a seating position. His chest rose and fell quickly as his breath came out sharp and short from his open mouth. Sweat formed on his brow as his eyes were wide, darting around the room, scanning the darkened room. He could feel the panic inside him as his brain tried to figure out where he was. His breathing began to even out slightly as familiar things started to sink into his mind.

He ran his hand over his face wiping away the fear that burned in his eyes. Closing them he took in several deep breaths, then he opened them again, his eyes now more focused his panic subsiding as more things became recognisable.

The nightmares were begining to come back more ferequently, even more so if he was stressed or unsteady in his thoughts and emotions. Kurts eyes rested on the bed on the other side of the dorm, it lay empty, untouched. Kurt frowned the nightmare forgotten as he wandered where his room mate was. Switching on the small light beside him he reached for his phone, squinting at the brightness of the screen he realised that it was 1 am and Blaine was no where to be seen.

Kurt jumped and his eyes latched on to the dorm room door. He watched as it started to slowly open, the light from the hall snaking across the floor. His heart picked up speed again and his breathing became more irregular as his eyes widened as the door was opened painfully slow.

A darkened form stepped into the dorm their eyes finding each other, they both slightly jumped. Time seemed to stop as they stared at each other, neither seemed to be breathing as their throats tightened.

"Blaine" Kurt broke the silence but his eyes never left the curly haired boy standing in front of him.

Without a word Blaine walked straight past him, Kurts eyes following him as he moved awkwardly towards his own side of the room. The night light beside Kurts bed gave the young boy an eerie glow. Kurt watched as the shadowy figure opened one of his draws and pulled out what Kurt knew was a pair of pyjamas. With Kurts eyes still on his room mate, Blaine closed the draw and walked towards the bathroom, his body slightly stiff with the movement. He kept his eyes down as though he didn't want to see the other boy, hiding what ever secrets he held inside. As he reached the bathroom he closed the door before turning on the light.

Kurt let his eyes fall to the bottom of the door as a slither of light shone through the bottom, Kurt frowned as he heard the sound of the shower being turned on. For reasons not even Kurt understood he kept his eyes eyes fixed on the closed door, waiting.

**BLAINES POV**

Blaine reached his dorm room without geting caught, he was tired and sore, this was the latest he had ever been. Slowly he opened the door allowing the darkness to envelope him, he jumped as piercing eyes found his . He couldn't breath as he held their gaze.

"Blaine" Kurt whispered. Blaine pulled his eyes from his new room mates and walked across to his dresser. He could feel his heart beating, trying to escape the confines of it's cage.

Don't look at him, don't look at him He chanted inside huis head, he needed to focus on his movements. He tried to walk as normal as possible but pain was shooting through his body with every step. He reached his dresser and pulled open the second draw. He paused as he reached in, frowning slightly he straightened one of the t-shirts that had moved out of place. It wasn't a lot but enough for Blaine to notice.

Closing the draw he moved swiftly, well as swiftly as he could, towards the bathroom. He kept his eyes trained on the floor but he could feel Kurts boring into his soul.

Blaine closed the door quickly his body falling against the hard wood, his eyes closed tight and breathing through his mouth he tried to steady his body and thoughts.

_**Oh god**_ he felt like he was falling, everything spinning out of control as his mind, body and soul whirled around him. He thought he would be asleep, he thought he could creep in without him knowing but, t_hose eyes, _always_ those eyes_. Blaine felt like he was drowning everytime he looked into_ those eyes._

In another life time they were his life line, something to hold on to when things spiralled out of control. Blaine had forgotten how intense Kurts eyes could be, even after all this time they still pulled him in, made everything disappear, made him safe.

Blaine wanted nothing more than to become lost in those eyes once more, allowing them to take everything away, wrap him up, protect him but, he knew he couldn't allow himself to fall. Everything was set, just a couple of more things to sort through then he would be free. Blaine knew he couldn't afford to allow Kurt in again, Kurt would change his mind, convince him to stay but, Blaine didn't want to stay.

He bit down on his lip to silence the protest that was screaming to escape his mouth.

_Why can't you change your mind? _The voice said inside his mind. _Kurt is here let him in, let him in, let him help, let him help, tell him, tell him._

Blaine gripped his hair tightly as he screwed up his face, _he didn't want to change his mind_, it was too hard to stay even if Kurt was here now. He didn't want to_ feel _anymore, didn't want to _hurt,_ but_, n_o matter how hard he tried to not _feel_, it always slipped through the slightest gap.

_It's too late, it's too late_ Blaine chanted through his tight lips pushing the words through the small gap as he tried to shove the voice away, back to the darkest part of his mind. He could feel the tears behind his closed lids trying to escape but, he pushed them back, he wouldn't allow himself to feel the release that they would bring, he couldn't allow himself that reprieve, not now.

After what seemed like an eternity Blaine pushed himself off the door and walked towards the shower, ignoring the reflection in the mirror he turned the dial until the water ran, the hot steam building up around him as it grew hotter and hotter.

Blaine pulled his top over his head wincing as pain shot through his shoulders and back. Folding the top up neatly and placing it gently in the laundry basket, making sure to smooth out any creases, he refused to acknowledge the sight that held in the mirror. The bruises that were now starting to appear. He undid the button that held up his trousers and pushed them down with his boxers. He ignored the slight staining on them and bent over, grimacing as he faught against the burning pain, he picked up his clothes and folded them neatly.

Placing them in the basket his eyes slipped up to the loose pannel beside the sink, the urge to do it now was getting stronger but now was not the time. He would have to be satisfied with the burn that the shower would give as he stepped inside. Blaine walked over to the bath and climbed into the shower, he scrunched up his face and bit his lip one more time as he felt the scolding water running over his body, his skin turning red raw.

**KURT POV**

Kurt's eyes were still fixed on the bathroom door as he heard the water being turned off, it must have been a further 30 minutes before Blaine emerged from the bathroom. Kurt watched as Blaine walked tentavily over to his bed, still his eyes were trained tothe floor. He watched as the curly haired boy climbed into his bed and turned to face the wall, his back facing Kurt. Kurt 's eyes were still on his room mate, he slid them to the side and picked up his phone. Kurt fowned the time was 2.30 am. Blaine had been in the bathrrom for 1 ½ hours.

Kurt lay back down on his side his head resting on his pillow as his eyes still lay on the curly haired boy on the opposite side of the dorm. His thoughts started to whirl around his mind, confusion and worry mixed together, his own nightmare forgotten.

**BLAINE POV**

Blaine curled into himself as he felt Kurts eyes on him. He wanted to become invisible so that his old friend wouldn't see the pain he was in. His whole body hurt, especially his ribs, it had taken all his strength to walk properly across his dorm, his red raw skin rubbing against his clothes.

How was he going to hide this from his new room mate? It was hard enough before when he was on his own. Tonight was one of the worst in a long time and he knew it was going to get harder. Blaine knew that he would not be able to do this alone, he would have to call in the favour tomorrow, not that he wanted to, he didn't want anyone else involved but, he had no choice.

Blaine tried to push Kurts eyes from his mind, when he had seen Kurt lying there in bed, there eyes locked on each other, he couldn't move. It was like he was frozen in place, taken back to a life time ago, a different time. He wanted nothing more than to walk over and curl up beside Kurt and tell him everything, allow him to hold him, comfort him, love him. To tell him it would be okay and nothing or no one would hurt him again but, he couldn't. He couldn't let himslelf be distracted from the list, from his plan, it was time and he knew this.

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><p><em><strong>AN** Please, is anyone available to be my beta? I need someone to help with my grammer because it's not the best. I'm hoping to get another chapter up this week, not so angtsy and maybe a song or two. If anyone can help with my beta please message me :0) x_


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

"Kurt, Kurt... over here"

Kurt jumped slightly and turned towards the voice that was shouting him from across the room, he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Jeff in the far corner bouncing up and down his arms waving frantically in the air. He was still a bit jittery from the events of last night, the fact that Blaine had disapeared before he had even woken up didn't help. It comforted him to know there was, at least, someone around, even if it was a homophobic ex-friend.

Kurt took a deep breath to steady his nerves and walked over towards the group of boys seated around the table, he noticed a coloured boy watching him as he approached. He hated people staring at him, he was used to being invisible until he was needed.

"Hey Kurt" Wes grinned up at him as Kurt placed his tray on the table and sat down next to the asian boy. Kurt gave him a small smile as he automatically pushed his tray slightly away from himself, this didn't go unnoticed by the blonde who was sitting across from him.

"Is that all your eating?" Jeff questioned a frown appearing on his face as he spied the yogurt and OJ on Kurts tray. Kurt looked down at his tray and then over at Jeff, he started feeling uncomfortable at the look on the blondes face, it was like being at home with Finn.

"I don't really eat in the mornings" Kurt answered his voice small,wobbling slightly as he picked up his drink and took a sip. Kurt started too feel as though big brother was watching him, of course Finn must have given his friend strict instructions on making sure his little brother was eating.

"Uh Uh" Jeff said a disbelieving look on his face as he watched intently at Kurt, he picked up a slice of his own toast and took a bite.

"You know breakfast is the most important meal of the day" He pointed his toast towards Kurt giving him a stern look. Kurt shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he felt the others eyes fall on him, now he felt as though his father _and_ Carole were in the room.

"I'm just not hungry" Kurt stammered, he felt as though he had to justify himself which he hated.

"Leave the boy alone _Jeffery_" The young black boy to Kurts right said.

"He needs to eat" Jeff frowned at Kurt, which made him want to shrink into the back ground. "_He's too thin_" Jeff bit back.

_Here we go again_ Kurt thought to himself, someone always had to find something wrong with him. Kurt knew he wasn't _perfect_ but why did everyone have to keep _pointing_ out his faults.

"Well it's scary moving form home to a boarding school with a bunch of strangers, _you cried for a week_" The dark skinned boy defended Kurt, Kurt knew he was going to like this boy, he felt protected.

"I was _11 years old_, David" Jeff snapped at the boy as he sat back in his chair folding his arms across his chest.

"So what was your exscuse last week?" Wes asked the blonde, earning a snigger from the other boy called David.

"I was _not_ crying, I... I had dust in my eyes" Jeff said trying to think of a reason.

"Yea Yea" Wes said sarcastically as he went back to eating his cereals.

Kurt saw a sudden change in the blondes body as his face became more serious. Jeff leaned in slightly.

"If he doesn't eat he will get ill and end up in hospital" Jeff lowered his voice, he sounded strained. "I don't want that to happen again"

Kurt looked around the table at the 3 boys, each of their faces and bodies had suddenly changed. He knew Jeff wasn't talking about him because, no matter how bad things had gotten at his old school he never ended up in hospital.

"That's not going to happen" Wes placed a hand gently over the blonde's and gave it a squeeze which seemed to ease the youg boy. Kurt turned to looked at the dark skinned boy next to him, he noticed a flicker in his eyes and face, his body semed to stiffen.

Kurt frowned as he tried to make out the sudden change in the boys behaviour but, he didn't get a chance to study the boy further as he turned to face him. Kurt quickly everted his eyes, fearing he would be caught staring, fearing the consequences.

"Hey I'm David, Wes's fabulous room mate, obviously he has told you about me." David said trying to change the direction the conversation seemed to be going. He gave Wes a wink as he smiled at the young asian boy.

Kurt eased his mind as he let out the breath he hadn't realised he had been holding.

_Maybe things will be different here_ He thought to himself as he allowed himself to relax a bit.

"Actually, no I haven't" Wes retorted back removing his hand from Jeffs and picking up his own drink.

"What? I'm actually hurt that you could forget me" David feigned hurt as he placed a hand to his chest. "How could you not even mention me?"

"Its not that difficult" Wes quipped back.

"Hey I am unforgettable me, just ask Rhiannon" David quipped back, a smug sound in his voice..

"Rhiannon? What happened to Sandy?" Wes asked confusion written on his face as he frowned.

"She was too... clingy" David replied shrugging absently. "She wanted to see me like every day, and if I didn't answer her textes she cursed me out. I can't be serious about someone with a potty mouth."

"Who's Rhiannon? Who's Sandy?" Jeff asked his eyebrows furrowed as he looked between the two boys. Wes laughed in disbelief at the way his best friend went through the girls.

"Another one of Davids _many_ conquests" Wes said sarcastically, putting emphasis on the word 'many'.

"She is_ not_ a _conquest,_ she is the love of my life" David replied as he defended his _new_ girlfriend.

"So was Jessica, Julie, Mellissa, Fran, Mercedes _and_ Sandy.. need I go on?" Wes counted each girl on his fingers, arching his eyebrows at his friend. David stuck his tongue out at the young asian boy.

"Oh very mature David" Wes snipped back as he rolled his eyes.

"I_ loved_ Mercedes, why did you break up with her? she was _gorgeous_" Jeff whined.

"She was too much of a woman for the black stallion over there" Wes answered before his friend could respond himself.

"You think I'm a stallion?" David leaned in closer to his asian friend, invading his personnel space, which was difficult as they were sitting on oppisite sides of the table.

"Hummm, no.. .I.. didn't mean it like that" Wes stammered as he tried to back track, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he realised what he had said.

"Like what?" Jeff asked a small smirk appearing on his face.

"Nothing" Wes mumbled as David sat grinning at him, enjoying the fact that his friend was going bright red.

"Is my little Wesy poos a bit embarassed because he thinks the_ mighty_ David is a _stallion_" David said in a sing song voice his grin broadening as Wes frowned up at him.

"I didn't use the word _mighty_ that is just one of your many fantasies" Wes said shifting once more in his seat.

"You have _no_ idea what my fantasies are" David winked at his friend, he chuckled as Wes swallowed hard his whole body stiffened at the thought.

Kurt watched the two boys as they started bantering between themselves, he didn't know what to make of their friendship. David was obviously straight but he flirted with Wes, so was Wes Gay or straight?

"_God, seriously_, you two are worse than me and Neil" Jeff whined as he grew tired of their little digs. "Just shag each other already" Both David and Wes shut up immediately, Wes choking on the piece of apple he had just bitten in.

_"Jesus Jeff I told you_, _**I'm** gay Davids **no**t_" Wes said between coughing fits. "So what ever sordid little fantasy you have going around in your head had better stay there, cus it's not happening."

_Kurt_ turmned to look at the dark skinned boy beside him who was now unusually quiet. He couldn't quite make out the look on his face as he looked down at his plate, was he upset by what Jeff had said or by what Wes had said?

"Yea,_ Yea whatever_" Jeff said rolling his eyes as he became distracted by something else.

"Hey Snookums" Jeff hollard as he stood up waveing his arm in the air, obviously trying to get someones attention.

David and Wes started laughing as they turned to see the look on the boy that Jeff had just shouted 'snookums' to. Neil was obviously unimpressed with the name as he glowered at his boyfriend.

"Seriously Jeff, Snookums" David managed to get out between his bouts of laughter.

"What's wrong with snookums?" Jeff asked his face furrowing in confusion.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing" Wes chuckled as he watched Neil saunter over giving the boys his past bitch glares as they sniggered at him.

"I will hurt you" Neil grounded out looking down at his boyfriend as he took the seat beside him.

"No you won't because you love me _Poochy_" Jeff whispered into Neils ear, but not quiet enough so the others couldn't hear.

David and Wes burst into laughter as Neil swiped at Jeffs wandering hands as he tried to wrap them around the slightly smaller boys frame. Neil glared at the two sniggering boys and they quickly shut up.

"Where did you go this morning I missed our morning squiggles" Jeff mumbled into the side of his boyfriends neck.

Kurt couldn't quite get over how different things were here, if he had behaved like Jeff or even Wes when he held Jeff's hand to comfort him, then he would of spent a month with continous slushies, dumpster dumps and locker slams, maybe even worse.

_"Squiggles? oh my god you are just too wierd_" David managed to squeeze out as he started to laugh again, shaking his head at the two boys.

"Shut up David" Jeff snapped at his friend, his voice was muffled by the fact that he was placing kisses along his boyfriends neck. Neil tried to squirm out of his boyfriends grip to no avail. You were gone before I woke, what was so important that you had to deny my addiction"

"Nothing i just remembered I had to... revise for a test" Neil quickly said, he had given up trying to pry his boyfriend off him. Kurt noticed that Neil seemed a bit nervous.

"What test? I don't remember a test" Wes piped up.

"It's just for added credits that's all" Neil covered up as he took a bite from his toast.

"Oh my baby is a teachers pet" Jeff cooed as he pulled Neil in tighter earning an impromptued giggle from the boy.

"I am not a teachers pet" Neil said as he turned to kiss Jeff quickly on the lips.

"No, you are my pet" Jeff grinned at his boyfriend as he tried to grab Neils knees.

"Jeff seriously stop grabbng me, you know I'm ticklish there" Neil couldn't help the laugh that escaped from his mouth as Jeff gripped his left knee, but in one second Jeff's mood changed as his eyes fell on something his obviously didn't like.

"Oh here's someone to spoil the mood" Jeff sneered as his face suddenly dropped ignoring Neils protests as he wrapped his arms tighter around the smaller boy. The group of boys turned to were Jeff was staring.

"Shut up Jeff" Wes sighed as he stood and walked over to were is other bestfriend had seated himself.

"Why does he even bother with that asshole?" Jeff grounded out, Kurt let his eyes fall on the dark haired boy seated in the far corner of the canteen on his own. He watched as Wes seated himself down and started to talk to him quietly. This Kurt couldn't understand, if Blaine was so homophobic why was he mates with Wes?

"Jeff don't okay" Neil sighed as he watched the interaction from across the room.

"What? you know life at this school would be so much better if he just disappeared." Jeff snapped in frustration as he removed his arms from around Neil.

"He's not doing anything, so just leave it okay" David said as he watched his roomate talking to Blaine, who seemed to be trying to ignore whatever the asian boy was saying.

"Fine, fine" Jeff rolled his eyes and picked up his other piece of toast.

Kurt sat and watched as the two boys talked, he saw Blaines eyes suddenly skirt towards him, the intensity in them made him hold his breath. There was aflicker of something, something softer than before but Kurt couldn't make it out from this distance.

Suddenly his face changed, Blaine threw down his knife and fork leaned into Wes aand said something before stormiong out. From the look on Blaines face he wasn't happy with what Wes had said. Kurt watched the retreating back of his old friend before allowing his eyes to fall back to Wes. He was rubbing his hands over his face in frustration. He heard Davids chair scrape and watched as the dark skinned boy walked over to his friend. He placed his hand on Wes's shoulder as he sat down. His hand slipped around his friends shoulders and he leaned in to speak to him, whispering something in his ear. Kurt watched as David smiled as his asian friend rubbing his shoulder in soft circles, Wes smiled back and leaned slightly into the touch.

If Kurt didn't know any better he would of said that these two were in some sort of relationship.

"Those two _really_ need to stop messing about and shag already" Jeff muttered to himself making Kurt turn back around.

"Just leave them alone, not everyone thinks about sex you know. Two people can be friends without actually shagging, jesus." Neil snappeed as he pushed his boyfriend off him, Jeff had at some point wound his arms back around Neils body. Neil pushed his chair back, stood and marched out the canteen.

"For fuck sake" Jeff muttered under his breath as he watched his boyfriend's retreating back. "You see what your old friend causes, he only has to walk into the room to upset everyone" Jeff snapped pointing his finger at Kurt.

Kurt remained silent as he watched Jeff run out after his boyfriend. Kurt turned his confused attention back towards his other two friends, he watched as they stood, hugged and then Wes walked out the canteen. David watched him go for a few seconds before returning to his seat.

"Where's the two love birds?" David asked as he dipped his head towards the empty seats. "Jeff upset Neil again?" David asked as he noticed that Kurt was sitting on his own.

"I don't really know what happened but he seemed to blame Blaine" Kurt shifted in his seat, he really felt out of his depth, each of his new friends were hiding secrets.

"Yea well, Blaine can be an ass sometimes but Jeff will just blame him instead of admiting his own faults." David said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"So you don't hate Blaine?" Kurt asked his forehead furrowing. David paused for a moment and just looked at Kurt before he answered. He seemed to be weighing up what to say.

"I owe him... a lot" He said quietly, his eyes took on a far away look.

"What do you mean?" Kurt was intrigued, Blaine couldn't really be all bad.

David seemed to contemplate what he was going to say next, he seemed to change his mind as he shook his head slightly.

"It doesn't matter" David said as he stood up from his chair, "Let's just say he's not as badass as he makes out." with those parting words Daivd walked away.

Kurt watched him as he crosseed the canteen, his mind was a wash with confusion.

_So does that mean it's all an act?_ Kurt asked himself as he mulled over what he had learnt since coming to dalton.

Maybe he should find out more about Blaine anderson.

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><p><strong><em>AN Please please plleeeeeeaaaaase can someone be my beta for me. thankyou xxx_**


	9. Chapter 9

**CONFESSIONS OF THE HEART**

Blaine took a long, deep drag from his cigarette breathing in the extra essence of the weed he had been able to grab from his hidden supply in his dorm. He wasn't an avid user but, on the occasions when things started to over shadow his thoughts, he needed a little extra help. Okay he may of used more in the past few days but, he still kept it under control, or so he liked to think.

He was currently perched on the roof of the school, his back against the wall and his knees bent, his hands hung loosely over his knees. This was the only place he knew noone would come looking for him. He was supposed to be in double french right now but, the thought of having to spend 2 hours discussing the_ language of love _was right on the bottom of his to do list and, maybe the fact that his room mate would be there might of made the decision to ditch easier. He knew that if he got caught this time it would be goodbye Dalton, drugs were a big no no at the school. If Wes found out he was using again he would be hung from the nearest tree by his genitals, as he had been told in graphic detail by said boy.

As he thought of what Wes would do his mind couldn't help but wander to earlier in the morning. The words that Wes had fed him swirled around his mind as he felt his chest constrict slightly.

_**EARLIER IN THE CANTEEN**_

"_**Hey" **_

_**Blaine looked up to see his friend standing over him, Wes pulled out his chair and sat down.**_

"_**Take a seat" Blaine said sarcastically as he lifted a piece of bacon to his mouth.**_

"_**So how's life with Kurt?" Wes asked not beating around the bush, Blaine paused for second before popping the bacon into his mouth.**_

"_**Who?" Blaine furrowed his forehead pretending to feign ignorance as he chewed.**_

"_**Kurt Hummel, the slight hazy blue eyed boy with the voice of an angel, the boy who stole your heart many moons ago, who is currently lying in a bed not 6 feet away from you" Wes grinned at his friend as Blaine scowled at him, obviously unimpressed with his description of his room mate.**_

"_**How's David, the boy who shags you behind everyones back then runs to his slut girlfriends because you're too scared to tell him how you feel" Blaine grinned back, two can play at that game but Blaine knew how to cut deeper. **_

"_**That's because he's straight, like you" Wes snipped back, he knew the truth about Blaine, one of his many secrets.**_

_**Blaine was about to snipe back when his eye caught his room mates.**_

"_**Why is he here?" Blaine whispered, he couldn't hide the concern in his voice. "He shouldn't be here"**_

_**Wes watched the expression on his friends face soften slightly, then change just as quickly back to the scowl he always wore.**_

"_**All I know is there was some trouble at his previous school, something happened and his father sent him here" Wes answered his friends question. "Guess he wanted him to be safe"  
><strong>_

"_**Then he should of sent him elswhere, this school is no safe haven" Blaine said absently, Wes watched as his friends eyes suddenly give a far away look.**_

"_**Blaine, what's going on?" Wes placed his hand on his friends arm his voice soft with an edge of pleading. "What aren't you telling me?"**_

_**Blaine snapped out of what ever day dream he had been in, his normal disposure returning.**_

"_**Nothing" Blaine went back to eat his bacon, Wes placed his hand gently on his friends hand, he could feel Blaine stiffen beneath it.**_

"_**I know you're lying to me" Wes's voice was quiet, just above a whisper. "I know something is happening to you but, I can't help you if you keep hiding from me."**_

_**Blaine swallowed contemplating what he should or shouldn't say. He needed help, he knew it but, sometimes life serves you a bad deal and you just have to live with it. Blaine snapped his hand back from his asian friend.**_

_**Leave it Wes I told you, all that's wrong with me is fucking do gooders trying to jack their noses in my fucking business" Blaine snapped and chucked his knife and fork on the table and stormed out of the cafeteria.**_

_**PRESENT**_

He hated the fact that Kurt was here, he shouldn't be here. It wasn't safe for him. Blaine couldn't protect him here,_ god_ he couldn't even protect himself.

Blaine slammed his head against the wall whincing slightly as the pain shot through him., he banged his head again, a little harder.

_Why did everything keep getting screwed up? _He thought to himself.

He had everything sorted until _**he **_turned up, if it wasn't for _**him**_ everything would be ticking along in the right way but now... _**God**_. Blaine slammed his head back once more.

Blaine refused to call Kurt by his name, just it or him, never Kurt, even in his own mind.

"You'll give yourself a blinding headache with that stuff"

Blaine sighed as he took another drag on his spliff, he wasn't surprised that_ he_ had found him.

"What do you want?"

Blaine shuffled over as he felt a body slide down next to him, he kept his eyes shut tight. He knew why he was here and he just didn't want to hear it.

"We need to talk" the boy moved closer to him, Blaine moved over slightly and took another deep drag. The lad grabbed the spliff from his hand, throwing it on the floor he stumped it out with his foot.

"_Hey, what the fuck are you doing that's my last one" _Blaine snapped angrily at the boy, of course it wasn't but he wasn't gonna tell _him_ that.

"Good, then maybe you will _quit this crap"_ The boy snapped angrily back. Blaine growled at him he knew he wasn't talking about his smoking.

"Yea, and you know it ain't happening" Blaine pulled himself up and walked over to the edge of the building. He really was not in the mood for this jackasses crap.

"I can't keep doing this Blaine it isn't fair on anyone, especially him" The boy pulled himself up and stood behind the curly haired boy. His voice was laced with anger, hurt and guilt.

"What, is he not putting out? Maybe you're not doing it right" Blaine snapped back, his back still facing the other lad.

The boy grabbed Blaine and swung him around,, his face was contorted with a mixture of emotions. Blaine yanked his arm out of the other lads hand and took a step away from him. He didn't want to deal with this, not right now!

"That's _not _what I mean, and you know that" The boy jabbed his finger in Blaines face. "I can't keep lying to him, we can't keep lying to him" The other boys voice started to break his guilt starting to over flow.

"_We have no choice, you know that!" _Blaine grounded angrily back at the lad, his forehead folded, he pushed past him knocking him slightly with his shoulder. This was not happening, he needed at least this to work, even if nothing else would.

"You've got him like putty in your hands, you just need to know how to work him. Do you want me to have a word with him? Or _maybe_ you're just not _man _enough for him" Blaine knew it was a cheap shot but, he needed this to just go away, needed him to go away.

"_Oh will you cut the crap for one minute"_ the boy snapped. "No one is here it's just you and me, stop with the act it's getting boreing"

Blaine spun around to face him the words he wanted to stay stuck in his throat as he saw the tormented face of his old friend.

"Fine " Blaine breathed in defeat, his whole demear changed, his face and voice softened. He knew how hard this was on the other lad, the guilt had been eating away at him for a year now. "Look it's just a few more weeks, then you can say what_ ever_ you want. I know it's hard but we have _no choice._" Blaine was hoping he would understand without him going into detail, it wasn't his right to tell.

"But, that's what I don't get" The other boy took a step towards Blaine, his face full of confusion, he never really understood why Blaine had set this up. "You have _never _explained what it is that we are protecting him from. I know he had a few problems last year, and I get that I should have been more figulant but," A tear came to the other boys eye as old memories reserviced. " I just don't understand why we have to prtend _we hate each other!_"

Blaine wrapped his arms instinctively around the other boy, holding him close as he let out a small sob. He ignored the rising panic inside himself. Blaine knew that the boy blamed himself for what had happened to his boyfriend but,the decision to hide their friendship was Blaines. He had never explained it to the other boy but, after what had happened, how close they had come to loosing the one they had sworn to protect, Blaine felt there was no other way. He had made the decision to break their friendship, hide it, much to the dismay of his friend who was now in his arms.

"Just, trust me okay, I can't tell you, I made a promise, just believe me when I say this is for the best" Blaine pulled himself away, he could feel his walls breaking slightly. He couldn't let that happen, he needed to keep everything tightly wrapped if his plan was to work. He just needed more time.

"Do you need more money or something, do you want me to talk to him, get him to put out" Blaine was back to the person that he allowed everyone to see, the one that no one likes. The other boy growled in frustration, it never ceased to amaze him at how quickly Blaine could switch personalities, it was as if the other didn't exist unless he let it slip out. 

"_**This has nothing to do with the money or sex I don't want the fucking money all I care about is him finding out and...it's gone on long enough"**_ Blaines words had really upset the other boy.

"_And do you know what it will do to him if you tell him?_" Blaine snapped angrily, he was royally pissed off, didn't he understand what would happen if his boyfriend ever found out? " It will break him." 

"And I will be there to pick up the pieces" The other boy sighed, he was tired of all the lies, tired of fighting with his old friend about it. He should never of agreed to their deal.

"_If he will let you, if he will forgive you, forgive us." _Blaine snapped back.

"He'll have no choice, cus I won't let him not let me in." The other boy said determindey. Blaine swallowed deeply as he tried to stop the rising panic building inside him. He knew it was only a matter of time before he told him and all hell broke loose.

"Look, I know I said it would only be a couple of months but, things haven't exactly gone to plan. Just give me a couple of weeks, please" Blaine pleaded, he could see the other boys resolve weakening.

"Fine, 2 weeks" The other boy sighed shaking his head. Blaine breathed a sigh of relief.

"2 weeks" Blaine nodded in agreement as he tried to steady his breathing, his mind all ready going into overdrive as he tried to figure what to do next.

"And stop smoking that crap" The other boy said pointing at his old friend as he turned and walked towards the door of the roof "It will kill you."

"Here's hoping" Blaine whispered to himself.

"What?" The other boy asked, frowning as he stopped mid-step turning his head back towards Blaine.

"Nothing" Blaine said giving his friend a faint smile.

"Hmmp, get to class before you get chucked out" The boy said as he pulled open the door.

"Okay, and Jeff" Blaine shouted as his friend disapeared out the door. Jeff popped his head back out to face his friend. "Thankyou, for everything".

"Thank me when the shit hits the fan" Jeff said just before he closed the door.

"It will be more than shit that hits the fan" Blaine said to himself, his eyes glued to the door as his thoughts wandered. "All hell is gonna break loose."


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

**MAYBE**

"_Will you stop tapping, your getting on my nerves_" Wes growled in frustration, he grabbed the pen off his curly haired companion as they waited in the empty room.

"_I told you I have things to do_" Blaine snapped back as he took out his phone for 20th time, "But you, insisted on dragging me in here.,_ to this hell hole_."

"Well, _you _insisted on ditching half your classes today" Wes slapped his friends hand as he made a grab for the pen again. "So don't blame _me_, and don't think I can't smell that stuff on you" Wes accused as he pointed the pen at Blaine. "You reakof the sstuff."

Blaine shifted his head to the side and sniffed. "I do not" Blaine frowned at his asian friend, his triangular eyebrow meeting in the middle.

"_No but, at least now I know your back on i_t" Wes snapped at his friend the dissapointment evident in his voice and on his face. "That stuff will_ fuck you up_"

"I'm _already_ fucked up" Blaine couldn't hide the slight emotion in his voice, causing his friend to re-tract what ever he was going to say next.

"Well, don't blame me if you get caught and kicked out" Wes's voice softened slightly, he really didn't want to loose his friend but, he also knew that he only smoked that crap when things got _really_ bad. If only he wouldconfide in him, tell him what was going on inside that head of his. If Wes was honest with himself, he felt little hurt at the thought that Blaine obviously didn't trust him enough to talk to him.

Blaine stared back at his friend for a second, he really did not know why Wes bothered with him sometimes. The amount of agro he had caused his friend he should of walked a long time ago, like everyone else.

"Well, I will blame you for dragging me into the _lame Barbi club_" Blaine made a grab for the pen, he managed to dodge Wes's other hand as it swooped down on him to grab his gavel instead. Holding it out he waved it, teasing his friend.

"_What the hell Blaine, give me Lucille back"_ Wes shot his hand out grabbing at air as Blaine waved it just out of his reach.

"Lucille, you named your gavel Lucille" Blaine couldn't contain himself as he burst into laughter dropping his arm slightly, jerking it back as soon as Wes grabbed for it again.

"_Just fucking give her back_" Wes was now standing with his fists clenched by his sides, hiss face scrunched up in anger. "_If you hurt her.._" He warned his best friend.

Neither boy knew that the room was starting to fill up. The other warblers stood staring opened mouthed at the two boys, they couldn't believe that _Blaine Anderson_, the local homophobic hard boy, was laughing and joking around with _Wes_, out and proud gay. They knew they were friends but, they had never witnessed anything like this before, well not in a _long time_.

"Ohhh little Wessie is getting testy" Blaine waved the gavel in his friends face before jumping from his seat just as Wes went to dive at him, causing his asian friend to fall flat on his face. Blaine burst into laughter at the sight of his friend trying to scramble to his feet. Wes managed to pull himself up, straightening his tie he then brushed down his blazer, trying to gain some composure.

"Yea, well, at least I'm not the size of a _hobbit,_ with _pointy eyebrows and, and crazy hair_" Wes waved his hands above his head, he grinned widely as Blaines mouth fell open.

"I _do not _have pointy _eyebrows_" Blaine placed his hands on his hips and frowned deeply at his friend. "And quit with the_ hobbit_ jokes or, I will use _Lucille as a toilet plunger._" Blaine shook said gavel in his friends face, grinning as it was Wes's turn to stand opened mouthed.

"You wouldn't" Wes gasped, his face falling, his hand flying to his mouth at the thought of his beloved Lucille being dunked into a _bacteria infested toilet._

"Well maybe not but, I am feeling a bit chilly" Blaine smirked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his lighter.

"Woah, come on now mate" Wes took a step forward,his hands held out before him, his eyes wide with terror as he watched his so called _bestfriend_ hold the lighter under his most prized possesion. Blaine took a step back and raised his eyebrows, warning Wes not to come any closer. Wes paused in his movements swallowing deeply as his eyes flicked from the lighter, to Lucille, to the curly haired monster in front of him.

"I think Lucille may be able to keep me warm" Blaine said an eerie smile on his face. Wes held his hands up his eyes flitting between his beloved gavel and his _ex- bestfriend._ "What do you think Wesley?"

"Blaine, just hand her over before you_ really _hurt her" Wes was pratically pleading now. "She hasn't done _anything_ to hurt you."

"It's a gavel Wes, a wooden object, perfect for burning " Just as Blaine lit his lighter the gavel was yanked from his hands, taking the curly haired boy by surprise.

"_What the fuck?"_ Blaine spun around his forehead furrowed ready do deck the ass who spoilt his fun. His face softened instantly as he saw David standing there with Gavel in hand. David raised his eyebrows at his friends obviously not impressed with their antics, and moved towards his room mate.

"_Hey_" Blaine whined as he watched David hand the gavel back to a _very_ grateful Wes.

"Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.." Wes instantly wrapped his arms around his friends neck hugging him close, without thinking he kissed the side of David's face. He felt his room mate freeze, realising what he had just done he pulled a way quickly. Looking any where but at David he muttered thank you again, then pratically ran to the table.

"Aah, ain't that sweet, _Little Davy wavy _rescued _Wessi's little butt friend"_ Blaine said sarcastically as he put on a lovey dovey face.

"_Fuck you Anderson" _Wes snapped angrily as he held his beloved gavel to his chest cradling her tightly.

"Ooooh" Blaines grin grew wider, he was unfazed by his mates anger.

"You really should stop messing with his gavel Blaine" David said keeping his eyes firmly fixed on his roommate smiling to himself as he whispered to Lucille.

"And you should stop messing with the girlies, fuck Wes and make him an honest man already" Blaine leaned in whispering to his friend taking him by surprise.

"Yea I know." Blaine grinned as he shoved his hands in his pocket, he turned and started to walk backwards, grinning at the shocked look on Davids face.

Well he had warned Wes that if he dragged him to this stupid warblers meeting he would not be held accountable for his actions, and if it meant letting out a little secret, he would.

Suddenly his own face fell as his eyes connected with the blue eyed boy standing just behind David. He hadn't noticed him there before, didn't expect to see him here, well not really.

David saw the sudden change in his friend and turned to see what had made it. He was surprised to see Kurt standing there, a look of confusion on his face. David turned his head back to Blaine but he had already taken his seat next to Wes, who shuffled his chair away from him. Wes was scowling at Blaine as he cradled his gravel, he was obviously still mad at his friend. Blaine ignored Wes and went back to fiddling with his phone.

"Hey" David turned as he heard a small voice behind him.

"Hey Kurt, didn't know you were coming" David smiled at Kurt whose eyes kept flicking back to Blaine..

"Jeff talked me in to it" Kurt shrugged turning his attention back to the boy standing in front of him. "It was either come or he was going to ring Finn"

"Finn?" David asked, he didn't know a lot about Kurt yet, they hadn't really had chance to talk properly since he had arrived.

"My step brother, well body guard as he likes to think of himself. He worries about me so Jeffs now my honoury body guard while I'm here" Kurt rolled his eyes.

" Not that I need one" Kurt quickly added as he saw the questioning look on the other boys face.

"Okay, well Jeff makes a good bodyguard, takes it seriously, you won't get rid of him" David said.

"_Kurt Hummel I said to wait for me"_

Kurt and David both turned to see a scowling Jeff come marching over, dragging poor Neil by the hand behind him.

"I have Finn on speed dial you know" Jeff huffed as he came to a stand still beside the two boys waving his phone in the air.

"_For god sake Jeff_, I_ do not appreciate being dragged about like a flaming 2 year old_" Neil snapped angrily as he managed to yank his hand out of his boyfriends.

"Blame him" Jeff said pointing his finger at Kurt, who raised his eyebrows in question" I told him to wait for me, but, _oh no he _had to go wandering around the school on his own, make me worried because I couldn't find him"

"_He's 15 years old, _he's confined to this school" Neil stated exasperated " He doesn't_ need _you following him around like a ninja warrior."

"You've been following me?" Kurt asked furrowing his forehead, he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed.

"Well, no, not really" Jeff spluttered as he felt eyes on him, he tried to hide the fact he had been caught.

"Seriously, do you _want me_ to show him the book?" Neil asked crossing his arms across his chest challenging his boyfriend to deny it, it was like he was speaking to a 3 year old sometimes.

"You have a book, about me?" Kurt asked, he couldn't believe it, he was so not impressed, he crossed his own arms across his chest. He was not happy, this had Finn written all over it.

"You _seriously _need help , stalking the local fairy is just, creepy"

All four boys turned their attention towards were the voice had spoken from, there was a small smile on his face as his eyes remained glued to his phone.

_"What the fuck is he doing here, are we allowing any low life through the doors now?"_ Jeff snapped angrily as he strode forward and stood in front of Wes, his finger pointed in Blaines direction.

"Well they let you in didn't they?" Blaine looked up at the blonde haired boy.

Wes banged his gravel on the table.

"Hey anyone is allowed in the Warblers that wish to audition." Wes snapped at Jeff

"_He's not fucking auditioning"_ Jeff shouted in amazement at the same time that Blaine shouted. "I'm not fucking auditioning, you said nothing about fucking auditioning for this gay fest."

Wes banged his gravel continously as both Jeff and Blaine started shouting at him, he was beginning to regret his decision to have Blaine try out.

"**Why does he get to sit at the table anyway?"** Jeff shouted pointing at Blaine who just grinned.

"Because I'm unique, one of a kind" Blaine sat smugly in his chair.

"Order, order" Wes shouted banging his gravel again down onto the table, he hated being ignored, especially when he had his gavel in his hand. It was very disrespectful.

"Yea, well, every school has their local jackass, delinquent, under achiever and your ours" Jeff said his own smug look on his face.

"Yea well at least I'm not some butt fucking jackass" Blaine snapped his face crumpled with anger.

"A sweet butt it is too, one that you will never fuck" Jeff leaned in closer to Blaine who made to stand before Wes banged his gravel so hard on the desk that the whole table shook.

All around the room the other warblers groaned, they knew Blaine being here would only lead to trouble.

"_**I said fucking orde**_r" Wes shouted as he contiously banged his gavel.

"Okay Wesley calm down"

Blaine jumped slightly as Sebastian appeared beside him. He hadn't noticed the boy enter the room.

"_Shit Wes my ears"_ Jeff cried out slamming his hands over his ears.

"Didn't know Lucille liked it hard" Blaine snapped as he covered his own ears as he turned his attention away from sebastian.

"Yea well you will see how hard she likes it in a minute so enough of the potty mouth" Wes scolded the two boys pointing his gavel at each of them. "And _you_ will be auditioning otherwise Lucille here will find her way to a very dark place that's situated below your waiste." Wes said as he pointed the gravel at Blaine who just scowled at him.

"And you" Wes turned his attention to the sniggering boy in front of him" Go and sit with your boyfriend before I get Lucille's twin."

Jeff raised his hands in defeat and backed away from the table. Blaine couldn't help the slight grin to his face as he watched Jeff walk away..

"Way to _piss _Wes off Jeffery" David whispered to the boy as he walked past him.

"Well you can make it up to him later and shag that crappy mood out of him" Jeff grinned at a shocked David as he took his seat next to Neil, he had sat with Kurt on the sofa while the others were arguing.

_Fuck, does everyone know?_ David thought to himself as he watched a smirking Jeff sit down.

"Happy now" Neil muttered to the blonde next to him.

"What did I do?" Jeff asked a picture of inocence written all over his face.

"Nothing as usual" Neil huffed, he got up and walked to the other side of the warblers room and sat down next to Thad who had just walked in. Thad looked at Neil and then over at Jeff a confused look on his face.

"Fuck" Jeff mumbled as he slid down further into his seat.

"I'm sure he will calm down later" Jeff turned to face Kurt.

"Yea maybe" Jeff said absently as he turned back to look at his boyfriend who was refusing to look at him. "He's just so, moody lately, everything I do or say annoys him"

"Have you talked to him about it" Kurt asked Jeff who was sighing every few seconds.

"It's not that easy" Jeff sighed as he rubbed his face with his hand, how the hell does he talk to Neil when he can't even get his own head straight.

"I know but after, you know" Jeff looked back at Kurt noticing the distant look on his face he clasped his hand over Kurts. This small gesture brought Kurt out of what ever place he had disapeared to. Jeff knew his history, Kurt knew that Finn had filled him in. "If he's important to you, then it's easy."

"Maybe" Jeff sighed as he turned his attention back to Neil.

Kurt felt his skin start to prickle, he turned his head to the left and his eyes fell onto the most intense brown ones he had ever seen. Blaines face was filled with an emotion Kurt had only ever seen once before, and he didn't like it. It had always made him feel uneasy, like you were their property and no one was allowed to touch you. But why did Blaine look at him like that? He didn't even like Kurt, the silent treatment he had received since moving into his dorm proved that.

"Right order everyone" Kurt shook his head and Blaine broke contact as Wes banged his gavel on the table. He noticed Sebastian lean in and whisper into Blaines ear.

Kurt frowned as he watched Blaine fidget uncomfortable in his chair. His eyes quickly met Kurts then disappeared just as quick. Kurt couldn't read them properly but, he had this horrible feeling that they were talking about him and it made him uneasy.

"Right gentlemen I know that some of you are wandering why Blaines here" Wes said as he indicated to said boy beside him. The room errupted into grumblings and whinging.

"Order, order" Wes shouted banging his gavel once more, _god _he had never used it as much, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Hey give the guy a chance to explain" Everyones eyes fell on Sebastian who was standing very closely next to Blaines shoulder. Blaine was trying very hard to hide his discomfort but from what Kurt didn't know.

"Right, thankyou Sebastian" Wes seemed to choke on the name as Sebastian gave a curt nod.

"Now the reason Blaine is here is between me and the Deen but, he is here to audition" Wes looked pointedly down at the curly haired boy beside him. Blaine mumbled something but Wes ignored him. "So, if you can just give him a chance I'm sure he will surprise us"

"I doubt that, bet he can't even sing" Jeff shouted out "Probably sounds like a girl on crack" Jeff grinned at his own joke as a few warblers sniggered beside him.

"I don't think Neil appreciates you comparing him to a girl, let alone a girl on crack." Blaine sniped back a big grin on his face.

"Don't fucking bring Neil into this" Jeff made to stand but Neil was at his side before he had a chance. He jumped on his lap preventing him from moving.

"That's just sick, kindly don't shag in front of everyone" Blaine folded his face in dis-taste as he watched Jeff wrap his arms around the slightly smaller boy.

"Fuck you anderson" Jeff shouted as he pulled Neil closer, Kurt noticed the obvious hurt look on Neils face, it was like he couldn't understand Blaines hatred of him.

Blaine was about to shout something back when he suddenly backed off. Kurt noticed Sebastians hand rest on his room mates shoulder, this touch had instantly put a stop to what ever Blaine was going to say next.

"Jeff just leave it, he's only doing it to wind you up" Neil said trying to reason with his boyfriend. He was getting sick and tired of the constant battle between the two boys.

"_**Will you two shut up, Wes's gavel is giving me a headache**_" David shouted as he yanked the gavel out of his room mates hand. Wes snatched it straight back and frowned at his room mate, _no one_ touched his precious gavel, not even the boy he loved.

"Don't grab the gravel David" Wes sniped back at him.

"You see the trouble he causes" Jeff raised his eyebrows, gesturing to Blaine who sat unmoving on his chair, Sebastians hand firmly seated on his shoulder, as he made his point to his boyfriend . Every warbler seemed to have an opinion as they started whinging and grumbling. Even Wes's constant banging of his gavel, much to the annoyance of David, didn't shush them.

Suddenly the room went quiet as the sound of out of tune piano keys being played rang out around the room. All heads turned to see Kurt standing by the piano, a concerned and worried look on his face as he looked around the room. He couldn't believe the annamosity towards one boy, as far as he could see Blaine hadn't done anything wrong, well apart from the wise ass comments, just his presence seemed to iritate people, particularly Jeff.

"I don't understand the resentment for Blaine as I'm new here" Kurt looked over at his old friend, Blaine kept his eyes firmly fixed to the table before him. "But, from what I can see everyone is at fault here not just him." Kurt added as he looked around the room.

"You just haven't had a chance to see what he can do" Jeff muttered, quickly shutting up as Neil scolded him with his eyes.

"Maybe but, if he wants to audition I would very much like to give him a chance" Kurt was slowly loosing his confidence as his voice started to wobble slightly.

He was so used to keeping in the shadows that to be the centre of attention now was starting to unnerve him but, he had been so amazed and shocked at the hatred felt for his old friend, that he had just _had _enough. He had to stop this some how and the only way was what Mr Shu used to do when his old choir fell out.

"As much as we appreciate your input, Kurt" Kurt turned his attention to Sebastian, watching as he moved to the middle of the room."But, if I am not mistaken, you have not auditioned yourself for the warblers so you are not a member, so that means your vote does not count"

Kurt felt his skin crawl at the way this boy was looking at him, it reminded him so much of the sandman. Kurt looked aroud the room, he was right he was not a member, but if the only way to help Blaine was to audition then he would.

"Then I wish to audition" Kurts voice was quiet and slightly shaky, he had not sung propery for a long time, he had always kept in the background.

"Kurt you don't have to" Kurt turned his head towards Jeff, his face was full of concern and worry. Everyone watched as the two boys had a silent conversation, Jeff finally nodded a small smile on his face. Kurt turned back to face the boy who had pushed him to do this.

"Then if it is okay with the council" Sebastian turned to face Wes and David.

"That's great Kurt, of course you can audition" Wes said his face beaming as he nodded his head, he wanted Kurt to join as much a he wanted Blaine to.

"Kurts going to audition" Wes whispered as he nudged Blaine who was sitting quietly beside him, playing with his phone he seemed uninterested in his surroundings.

"Great, I'll put in big lights on a giant billboard" Blaine muttered disinterestedly raising his eyebrows, his eyes still glued to the contraption before him.

"Shut up" Wes whispered scowling at his friend. "Don't pretend you're not interested."

"I couldn't care less if the fairy wants to sing or not." Blaine placed his phone in his pocket and slumped further into his chair. Wes looked at him, he was not convinced.

"So Kuurrt," Kurt felt his skin crawl as his name rolled of Sebastians tongue. "What would you like to sing for us, I'm sure we would all like to hear those golden tones of yours"

Sebastian swept his arms around the room, Kurts gaze followed the movement. He suddenly felt all his confidence fall away as he saw expectant eyes watching him closely.

"Well...I.." Kurt couldn't form his words as he began to panic, he could feel his heart beating faster. He hadn't exactly thought this one through properly, he had just felt the urge to protect his former friend, feelings from years past raising their heads. His eyes fell upon the curly haired boy he had tried to protect, hoping that he would jump to his defence but, Blaine had his focus firmly on his phone again.

"well Kurt what's it to be?" Sebastian took a step closer towards him but, Kurt instinctively took a step back.

"Leave him be bastian" Jeff shouted from his seat.

"I'm only asking him if what he wants to sing, he was..." Sebastian responded a smug smile on his face as he saw the boy before starting to panic slightly.

"Look I'm sure Kurt is just nervous and unprepared" Kurt turned to the voice standing beside him, a boy with ginger hair, not much taller than himself was looking at him. "Maybe you would like some time to prepare, and try out another time."

Kurt just stood there staring at the boy he had never met before, his mouth was slightly open in confusion and shock.

"That's sounds like a very good idea Justin" Kurt turned towards Wes who had suddenly appeared before him. "Kurt, would you like to try another time?"

Kurt didn't know what to say or do, he could feel all the eyes of the Warblers upon him, a bead of sweat was starting to form on his brow.

"I...I...I have to go" Kurt mumbled in a small shaky voice, then he turned and almost ran out the room. He could hear an argument breaking out behind him, he couldn't hear the words but knew it was all about him. It was always about him, no matter what he did everything fell apart when he was around.

Kurt walked faster and faster through the corridors, he had to get away, any where but here. He jumped as he felt an arm suddenly grab him, he screamed as he felt himself being pulled along.

"SSHHH this way" The curly haired boy said as he dragged Kurt back through some door

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><p><em><strong>AN Hope this was okay as always read, enjoy review ;-)**_


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

_**Life on the edge**_

Kurt closed his eyes, breathing in deeply he tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. His breath was ragged and shallow, his forehead was starting to moisten from the sweat that was trying to escape his body. He had no idea what he was doing here, why he had allowed himself to be pulled, no dragged to this place. So many memories were starting to swirl around his mind, memories he had tried so hard to push away. Kurrt swallowed hard as he tried to open his eyes, get his barings. He had heard nothing since they had come hear, the breathing and footsteps had disappeared.

_God did he leave me here alone?_ Kurt panicked thought to himself, willing himself to believe that he wouldn't be that cruel, that _evil_.

Kurt bit his lip tightly as he pushed through his barriers and slowly opened his eyes. Swirls of colour appeared before him as his eyes shakily opened, he could feel his stomach starting to churn as his eyes began to focus. Kurt slowly turned his head to the left, his body pushed back tightly against the wall, his fingers gripping to the brick as if letting go would make him fall. His eyes fell on a form in the distance, a shadow agianst the light of the sky. Kurt swallowed and blinked his eyes as he tried to clear his foggy brain, he swallowed deeply again as his breathing started to ease realising that he had not been left alone.

"Blaine, please" Kurts voice was small and shaky as he pleaded with his former friend, his room mate. Blaine had dragged him through the hallways, up the stairs to the roof, the roof of all places. Kurt had panicked and gripped the side of the wall closing his eyes shut tightly, he had heard footstepas disapearing.

_Did he not remember? Did he do this on purpose?_ Kurts thoughts swirled around his head making him dizzy. He could feel the tightness in his chest growing.

Blaine hadn't said a word since they had arrived, he didn't know why he had run after Kurt, why he had felt the need to get him away from the Warblers, protect him. He didn't know why he had brought him to his sanctuary, the only place he felt right, safe.

Blaine sat on the wall his legs dangling over the edge, he peered down at the floor below, his mind fazed in and out of reality as he started to daydream. He had slipped into his own little world, a world where there was no pain, no anger, only peace. Nothing and no-oneelse existed. So many times he had come and just sat up here watching the school carry on around him. If he screwed his eyes and squinted they all looked like ants, and if he placed his foot just so then he could pretend to squash each and everyone of them.

Blaine lifted his leg, his foot raising just before he pushed it back down. A smile crept over his face as he repeated the movement over, and over again.

"Blaine, please"

Blaine was shook from his thoughts as a breathy, pleading voice swept over him. He frowned deeply, hehad forgotten he was not alone, forgotten he had dragged Kurt up to the roof. Blaine turned furrowing his forehead even more, irritated that he was pulled from his fantasy.

"Please, Blaine" Kurt tried to control his shakey voice but it came out more as a pleading. His breathing was becoming more irracted with each breath, his throat tightening drowning his pleas.

Blaine watched his former friend for a moment, he took in the pale shaking boy who seemed to be clinging to the wall. His brain was searching for something, something hidden deep in his mind. He shouldn't of brought him here, he should remember _why_ he shouldn't of brought him here.

Kurt was trying so hard not to pass out, his chest was becoming so tight, he felt sick as his breath became more shallow and sharp. His chest hurt, his head hurt, _EVERYTHING_ hurt.

_Why did he bring me here? Why is he doing this?_ Kurts thoughts whirled around his head, he was slipping further into the darkness. He hated the darkness, it consumed him and he couldn't escape it alone.

_Why won't he help me? Please help me? _Kurt tried to make him understand, but nothing would come out, nothing but a whisper.

Blaine swung his legs back over the wall, confusion written all over his face as he watched the struggling boy carefully.

"_Please... stop_" Kurt managed to get out between his breaths, his voice no more than a whisper, his eyes began to water as he tried to fight down his panic. He didn't want to get lost, he didn't want the darkness to come.

And there it was, Blaines brain suddenly kicked into life. He looked at Kurt and then down at himself. A memory hidden away for so long came rushing forward, the reason he should _**never** _of dragged Kurt up here.

Kurt was scared of hieghts, **no**, he was **_panic stricken, shit scared_ **of heights. He was so scared tht his body shuts down and he sinks into himself.

Blaine jumped off the wall and literally sprinted towards the pale, now visibly shaking boy. Blaine thought nothing of swooping the boy up into his arms just as Kurt collapsed. Without even a second thought of what it may look like to others he pushed the door to the roof open with his back and started down the stairs. He couldn't believe how light Kurt was as he pratically ran down the steps, pushing the door at the bottom with his shoulder making sure not to hit Kurts head on it.

"Blaine" Kurt whispered as he held on tight to the curly haired boy. Blaine could hear the panic starting to build even more in Kurts voice, his breath thick and shallow. Blaine could feel Kurts whole body tighten and shake as he carried him throught the hall ways.

Blaine said nothing, he couldn't trust his own voice as he ran quickly down the corridor, pushing through the door that led to the corridor that led to his and Kurts dorm room. He didn't let his mind think, he _couldn't_ _allow_ himself to think of how **_stupid_ **he was.

"**Get out the fucking way**" Blaine shouted as a group of lads stood in the corridor. He didn't even register who it was, or the fact that they were calling after him. He just had to get Kurt back to his dorm.

As he reached his door he turned and tried to push down the handle with his elbow. He tried to push his own panic down as e nearly dropped the shaking boy in his arms. He didn't know what to do, then he saw Wes raceing towards him with David, Neil and Jeff. They were the boys who Blaine had pushed through a moment ago, they all seemed to have worried expresions on their faces.

"Open the door" He said breathlessly as they all reached him at the same time.

"_**What the fuck Blaine?"** _Wes shouted his face full of confusion and worry.

"**_What the hell did you do?"_ **Jeff shouted at the same time,anger coming through in his voice.

"_**Just open the fucking door"**_ Blaine shouted his forehead furrowed in anger and frustration. He had no time for their questions, he had to get in his room.

Wes didn't think twice as he pushed down on the handle and ran through the door holding it wide so Blane could bring Kurt through. Blaine carried the still shaking boy, who had practically wrapped himself around Blaine to **_his_** bed, not Kurts but his own. He placed him gentlyy down on the bed then ran over to Kurts side of the room. He started pulling everything out of his draw to his side table. He was frantically looking now, his own panic growing as he searched.

"_Where the fuck is it_" Blaine growled in frustration as he reached for Kurts bags.

_**"Blaine what the hell did you do?"** _Jeff shouted angrily at the curly haired boy as he kneeled down beside Kurt. Jeff placed his hand on Kurts cheek his own face showed how scared he was. He didn't know how to help his friend..

"Kurt? Kurt?" Jeff cried as he watched the boy struggling for breath.

"B_laine_" Kurt whimpered, his face screwed up as tears started to run down his face, his breath was coming out shorter and sharper. He was loosing control, he could feel the darkness coming, swallowing him whole.

"_Blaine, shit, what the hell happened"_ Wes tried to talk to his friend as Blaine rummaged through Kurts belongings. He had no idea what the hell Blaine had done now.

"_What are you looking for?"_ Wes placed his hands on his friends arm but Blaine just shook it off. He didn't want to talk to Wes, answer his stupid questions, he just had to find..

"_Got it_**"** Blaine shouted triumphantly as he grabbed the plastic device from Kurts bag and ran back over to his bed.

"**Blaine what the fuck"** Jeff shouted, nearly falling over as Blaine pratically yanked him out of the way. Jeff fell onto his back, Neil ran to help his boyfriend.

Wes came back over to Blaines bed his face showed his concern, not just for Kurt but for his mad friend aswell. Blaine could get kicked out if the dean found out Blaine had hurt Kurt in anyway. He was on his last warning.

David wrapped his arm around his friends shoulder, no words were exchanged as Wes leaned into the touch, seeking the comfort there.

"Here Kurt" Blaine ignored Jeff and sat down next to Kurt, wrapping one arm around the shaking boys back, he held him up in a sitting position. With his other hand he held the device to Kurts lips, as if in sync he pressed the button as Kurt took a deep breath inwards.

Wes, David, Jeff and Neil stood there mesmerized, their brains trying hard to understand what they were seeing.

"Asthma attack" Blaine said to no one in particular as he kept his eyes on the boy in his arms. Holding him tightly as he tried to help Kurt calm down.

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><p><strong>AN_ Sorry it's short but needed to get this up so I can start moving the story along again. Thankyou for being patient while I've been away but I'm back now. Hope you will review please x_**


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N Thankyou for the reviews, I'm so glad that you are still willing to read my story. I hope this chapter will be worth the wait aswell. Read, Enjoy, Review :-)_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12 A NEW BEGINNING?<strong>

"How did Blaine know what to do?" Neil asked Jeff as he watched his boyfriend getting ready for bed as he lay in his bed. They had just come back from Blaine and Kurt's room ½ hour ago, it was now midnight and they had to sneak back to their dorms so as not to wake anyone who would snitch on them. They all had a curfew of 10 pm, not that anyone kept to it, well not anyone who had a life past school.

"Don't know, lucky guess" Jeff said tiredly as he flopped down onto Neil's bed, snuggling into his boyfriend. Neil pushed Jeff away as he felt the blonde haired boy nuzzle the side of his neck.

Jeff whined as he tried once again to get closer to his boyfriend, he didn't want to talk just sleep.

"He seemed.. Different with Kurt" Neil frowned as he tried to understand the pictures forming in his mind. He had never seen that side of Blaine as he helped Kurt, calming the boy down with touches and words.

He had noticed Blaine softly stroke his fingers through Kurt's hair, soothing the struggling boy. He seemed to be whispering words into Kurt's ear that no one but Kurt could hear. Whatever he was saying seemed to calm him down, help him. Blaine had refused to answer anyones questions his concentration all on the boy lying in his arms. Whatever walls he had built up over the years Neil had known him seemed to crumble when Kurt was hurting.

"Probably guilt" Jeff murmured as he tried to drift off to sleep, he had given up trying to cuddle his boyfriend.

"No it was... something else; you two seemed a bit more friendly towards each other too." Neil muttered, he turned to face his boyfriend frowning as he heard the soft snores coming from him.

"Jeff" Neil pushed his boyfriend slightly, not getting a response he shoved him a bit harder.

"What" Jeff mumbled grumpily, he hated being woken up.

"You and Blaine seemed friendlier towards each other" Neil repeated himself; the two boys had actually spoken to each other without the usual slanging match. Jeff had even asked the curly haired boy if he needed anything as Blaine carried on caring for Kurt.

"_No thank you"_ Blaine had responded taking Neil by surprise, no one else seemed to of noticed though.

"Mmmph, don't worry, back to normal tomorrow, go to sleep" Jeff mumbled sleepily not really listening; he snuggled further into his boyfriends side wrapping his arm around him, pulling him into himself. Neil groaned but decided not to fight it; he was tired too so he allowed himself to be pulled into the warmth beside him. He smiled to himself as Jeff kissed the side of his neck and sighed in contentment.

"Love you" Jeff whispered as he drifted back off. Neil leaned back further into his boyfriends' arms, thoughts of Blaine and Kurt disappearing from his mind as he listened to the soft snores behind him, loving the feel of Jeffs soft breath on his skin.

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><p><strong>IN BLAINE AND KURTS DORM<strong>

Blaine laid next to Kurt, the boys head on his chest as his fingers gently stroked through the sleeping boy's hair. With every stroke Kurt breathed steadily, it was like his fingers dictated every breath that slipped in and out of his body, ghosting over his lips. Blaine watched his eyes fixed on the sleeping boy, watching as his body lifted and fell with every breath. Blaine listened, moving his fingers, experimenting. If he moved quicker Kurt's breathing speeded up, he got more distressed, if he moved slower Kurt nearly stopped breathing. It was like he was Kurt's life line, like Kurt _needed _his touch, _needed _him to breath.

Blaine _hated that_, he didn't want anyone to _need_ him, _rely _on him, but he couldn't stop himself from _wanting_ this touch, this _closeness_. He hadn't realised how much he had missed it, how much he had _craved_ it. The problem he had now was how he could pull away from it again; push it to the side so he could carry on in his duty (as he saw it).

But, did he _really_ want to go back to the darkness? To the loneliness?

_Would it really hurt him to let someone in?_ _Let Kurt in?_ Blaine thought to himself. _Maybe Kurt could be the..._

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone beeping, the light flashing in the darkness of the dorm. He felt the heaviness wash over him again, the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew who it was, knew he shouldn't answer it but he couldn't stop himself.

Blaine reached over and picked his phone up; he saw the missed call was from who he thought it was. He jumped slightly as his phone beeped again, the name flashing in front of him. He swallowed deeply, a reaction he always had when he saw the name before him as he tried to fight the conflict that grew inside him.

Blaine looked at the phone and then at the boy beside him who had started to stir, mumbling in his sleep, a frown was forming across his forehead.

_Who does he answer? Who does he choose? _The conflict grew inside Blaine's mind and body. He didn't _want_ to choose, didn't _want_ to leave the warmth that was sleeping beside him.

_But did he really have a choice?_

Blaine knew the answer; it was the same answer _every time_ as he felt the darkness winning. There was no choice. The glimmer of light he had found, the warmth he had felt, just for a moment, started to fade, engulfed by the demons of the night.

Kurt started whimpering in his sleep as Blaine moved slightly away from him. Kurt moved his arms clinging tighter to him stopping Blaine from moving.

_"Blaine"_ The word slipped so easily out of Kurt's mouth, like a whisper in the night. _Pleading_ for him, as if he _needed_ him.

"Sshh, it's okay" Blaine whispered as he placed his phone back on his side table. Wrapping his arms back around the boy he made his decision, the light suddenly penetrating the darkness once more. He couldn't turn his back on Kurt, not now; he had managed to slip straight under his defences, under his wall without even trying.

_"What have you done to me Kurt_ _Hummel?" _Blaine whispered to himself as he went back to stroking his fingers through Kurt's hair, instantly soothing Kurt's whimpers'. Kurt snuggled further into Blaine's side his head on his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around Blaine's body.

Blaine closed his eyes as thoughts of what he had done and what he _knew _he should have done started to swirl around his mind. Blaine pushed the unwanted thoughts from his mind, he didn't want to think about that now; he would face the consequences of not answering his phone tomorrow. He would take whatever punishment was heading his way; he didn't care as long as he could come back to this, come back to Kurt, then it would all be worth it.

Blaine slid down further into his bed bringing the sleeping boy with him, he smiled to himself.

He allowed himself to fall into the calmest and deepest sleep he had had for a long time, the beep of his phone, the flashing of the lights falling further and further into the darkness. At that moment, at that time, they were unable to touch the curly haired boy as he allowed himself to get lost in the warmth that now surrounded him, for tomorrow will bring a whole new challenge.

Getting Kurt to forgive him.

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><p><strong>AN**_** Hope you like it, thought Blaine could do with a little ray of sunshine, some hope in the form of Kurt, but will Kurt forgive him? Will Blaine be able to let him in, let his guard down or will it be too hard, too much for him. Can Blaine cope with the new feelings that are beginning to take over him? Who is trying to ring him and what will the punishment be for ignoring his phone? **_

_**So many questions still to answer. **_

_**Until next time, hope you will review as I would like to know your thoughts on what will happen next. :-)**_


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N_ Well here's the next chapter, it may not be what you expect but if you know Blaine from the previous chapters then you won't be surprised. There's a slight hint in this chapter as to why he suddenly feels... well i will let you read and see if you can work it out, wouldn't want to spoil it. Enjoy :-)_**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 13<strong>

**STRUGGLING TO BREATH**

Kurt started to stir into life, he had had such a lovely strange dream, but now, as he felt the morning sun on his face he could feel it coming to an end. He squeezed his eyes together as he felt the tension beginning to form inside his head. His chest didn't feel too good either, although things were still a bit hazy he knew the signs, knew why he felt like crap this morning. He moaned slightly at the thought of waking up to a blinding headache and a chest that felt like someone had stomped all over it. He felt something warm stir beside him and suddenly he felt much better.

Kurt sighed deeply as he snuggled further into the warmth stretching his arm around what he thought was his pillow. He brought it in closer to him; he frowned as something wasn't right.

_Why isn't it squishy _Kurt thought to himself his eyes still very much shut tight as a frown formed on his forehead. He was refusing to open them and investigate. He tried once more to pull his pillow in towards him, although it moved it was all wrong, and _was that a moan?_

_Why is it moaning? _Kurt was confused more than ever now.

Kurt suddenly shot up, sitting upright his eyes wide open, his brain, still half asleep, he tried to make sense of what he was seeing and feeling.

"Why is my bed over there?" Kurt said sleepily to himself as he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, his forehead was more furrowed in confusion.

Kurt's eyes suddenly widened, his eyebrows disappearing into his hair. He swallowed deeply as it suddenly dawned on him where he was. He slowly turned his head and looked down at the bed he was in as he felt movement beside him. His eyes widened even more and his throat tightened, his heart started beating faster in his chest.

_Why am I in Blaine's bed?_ Kurt panicked to himself as he looked down at the sleeping boy whose arm was loosely around Kurts waiste. _He's going to kill me._

Kurt made to move but was brought to an abrupt stop by a sleepy arm tightening around him, his heart practically stopped beating as he held his breath; he daren't move a muscle, he didn't want to wake the sleeping boy.

Blaines arm loosened around Kurts waiste as he snuggled further into his pillow, the stirring boy breathed in, sighing deeply as he seemed to drift back off.

Very slowly Kurt lifted Blaine's arm, just enough so that he could slip underneath.

_Thank god for cheer leading practice_ Kurt thought to himself as he bent his body into an unusual angle, ignoring the ache in his chest. Slowly he slipped off the bed and on to the floor, pausing as Blaine moved to snuggle further into his pillow. After a moment Kurt slowly stood up and took a step back, he looked down at himself and then at the sleeping boy.

_Thank god we're both still dressed_ Kurt thought, god knows what he would do if they had both been naked.

As he looked down at the sleeping curly haired boy he couldn't help the small smile that found it's way to his lips. Blaine still slept in the same position, on his side, his knees bent up into himself, his hands tucked under his face. He looked so peaceful, his face didn't show any of the usual strains that filled it during the day. He looked just like the boy he used to know, so innocent, so _cute._

Kurt's face fell as he felt a pain grow inside his chest; he hated the way Blaine had been since he showed up. Hated how much he had changed since the last time he had seen him, okay it had been a few years and yes, Kurt had changed too, but there was just something heartbreaking were Blaine was concerned, something dark that was lying underneath the surface.

_"What happened to you?"_ Kurt whispered to himself as he slowly reached out his hand to touch the sleeping boy. He paused but still couldn't stop himself as he moved a stray curl from the boy's forehead.

Blaine stirred and Kurt brought his hand back sharply, he needed to get out of here. He needed some space to think about things, to figure out what he was going to do next. Blaine must of known that he had been lying beside him and yet...

Kurt shook his head as his brain felt like it was going to explode, he needed some air.

Kurt turned and walked straight out the dorm, he didn't know where he was going but he just _needed_ to go.

Blaine stirred in his sleep and reached out his hand, he moved it sleepily around as he tried to find the warm body that had kept him safe last night. He had never slept so well, no nightmares to invade his dreams.

Blaine frowned deeply when he couldn't feel what he wanted. He slowly opened his eyes searching for Kurt.

"Kurt" Blaine whispered sleepily as he sat up, his eyes blinking the sleep away. He looked over at the other boys' bed but saw it was empty. Kurt's stuff was still strewn over his bed and floor where Blaine had ransacked it looking for the boys' inhaler.

"Kurt?" Blaine called again his face creasing, he knew that he had gone; he couldn't hide the disappointment he felt as he fell back onto the bed. He sighed loudly as he ran his hands over his face and into his hair, his fingers tangling in the strands.

He couldn't stop the feelings that were suddenly surging through him, the voices running amok in his mind. He couldn't understand why he felt to empty, _so cold inside_, _the pain_ that was suddenly building inside him.

_How could he of been so **stupid,** of course he wouldn't want anything to do with him. Why would he? If he cared even the slightest he would have been here when he woke, talked to him and sorted things out. Just gave him a chance to... he didn't know what but to just do __**something**__._

Blaine scrunched his face up and pulled harder at his curls squeezing his eyes shut, his fingers digging into his scalp as he tried to calm himself down. He curled his body into himself as he tried to stop the pain that was running through him, the burning in his chest as his breathing became harder. He _knew _he was being irrational, _knew_ that what he was thinking and feeling was _stupid._ How could something as small as Kurt not being there when he woke send him into total overload. He hadn't felt like this since... Blaine tried to think back, think of when he was in this much pain and turmoil.

That's when it hit him; he hadn't allowed himself to feel anything, pain, loneliness, _love_. He had blocked everything and everyone out over the years, and it had started when Kurt had left him the last time. _Abandoned_ him when he _needed_ him the most, just like now, he had been there for Kurt last night but where was he now?

_**Where is he when I need him?**_The words swirled around Blaines head, sinking deeper and deeper into him, scaring him.

This was Kurt's fault; Kurt was always letting him down. He would let the boy in and then Kurt would run away.

_Why didn't he learn?_ Blaine's mind shouted at him _He was just like everyone else_!

Blaine pulled himself up into a sitting position he ran his hands over his face as he felt the tightness gripping his chest, squeezing him. His breath was coming out short and shaky as he found it harder and harder to breath, he tried to calm himself down.

"_Not now"_ Blaine whispered to himself _"Why now? **Please** not now!"_

He knew the sign's, knew what was coming, he had been feeling the edge of his panic growing since his decision. He was _**weak **_and _**pathetic**_, just as he had been told _**over **_and _**over again**_, like a mantra in his mind _**every single day**_.

His body was starting to shake, he let his fingers run through his hair, gripping each strand as he tried to pull them out of his head. He _hated_ this, _hated _his weakness.

"_Don't think about it, don't think about that_" Blaine let his hands fall and his fingers tangle in the bed sheets; he closed his eye tighter as he tried to control his breathing. He was starting to sweat from the effort, beads slowly forming on his creased forehead.

"Breath, breath, breath" Blaine chanted to himself over and over again, he breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. Just like he had been shown, but it wasn't working, _nothing_ was working.

His thoughts drifted to the secret hole in the bathroom, the hole that hid his box, his thoughts wandering to the contents. He didn't want to go there, didn't want to be dependent on it, he_ hated_ that box, _hated_ what was in there, _hated_ what it represented.

He needed to get out of here, he needed to escape, and he didn't care where he just _needed_ to go.

He jumped up off his bed and all but ran to the door of his dorm, ignoring the mess that was over Kurt's side of the room. Reaching the door he placed both his hands onto it and leaned into them, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, taking a moment to re-group. Again he breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth trying to calm himself down, he couldn't let anyone see him like this, too many questions would be asked.

After a moment his hands shakily reached down for the door handle, he slowly pushed down and pulled the door back towards him. Flinging it open he ran out and down the corridor, through the next door and down the stairs taking 2 at a time, then he ran until he was and out the front door.

He didn't notice the shouts, didn't notice the pushes as he ran into fellow students, he just needed to get out, to escape. He didn't hear his name being called, the feet running after him as he ran across the loose gravel outside, he just ran faster and faster .

"_Shit, where the fuck is he going?"_ David breathed heavily through his open mouth as he came to an abrupt stop, his body bent over, his hands on his knees as he tried to get oxygen back into his body. He spat on the floor as saliva built up in his mouth. His forehead glistened from the sweat of his sudden sprint.

"_I am... so... going to the... gym... tonight_." David breathed to himself as he closed his eyes letting his head drop forward, his hand moved to his side as he felt the beginnings of a stitch. He had been the last one that Blaine had bumped into as he made his escape. David had chased him for as long as he could and although he was a runner, he had had to give up. Blaine had _never_ out run him before, well no one had at Dalton, he was their leading sprinter, _but shit_, he just _could not_ _keep up_ with the curly haired boy.

David scrunched up his face as he slowly stood up, his body aching from the sudden sprint he had had to do. He felt physically sick at the thought that had just jumped to the front of his mind as he turned and walked back to Dalton.

"Shit, Wes is sooo going to kill me."

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><p><strong>AN**_** So what do you think? Do you understand why Blaine reacted the way he did when he found Kurt had disappeared without a word? After shutting people out for so long, when he finally let someone in (even if it wasn't his choice) he couldn't cope when they suddenly disappeared with out him knowing. He had gone to sleep on such a high that when he woke to find Kurt gone he felt abandoned, let down. Feelings from his past, and the fact Kurt had done the same thing before, made his feelings and thoughts go into overload. Blaine holds a lot of secrets inside, some he sees as a weakness even if others wouldn't.**_

_**In the next chapter we find out a bit more of what makes our boy tick and Kurts reaction when he finds out about Blaine absconding. **_

_**Please review because I always like to read any thoughts you may have about this story. Maybe some ideas you may have about what Blaine is hiding from everyone? Oh and Sebastian makes an appearance with another twist :-)**_


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N**_** This ended up being longer than I thought it would be, I have ended up splitting this chapter and taking it in a different direction. In this chapter there are 2 clues that links Blaine to two of the Dalton boys, I wander if you can find them and what the link could mean. Anyway carrying on reading and any ideas or thoughts are always welcomed.**_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 14 <strong>

**SECRETS**

Kurt sat on the stool next to the piano running his finger tips lightly over the keys. He hadn't meant to come here but after wandering the hallways he had ended up in the warbler's room. Maybe he was missing singing, maybe it was because this was where Blaine had _actually _acknowledged he existed for the first time. Okay, he had _dragged _him from the room without saying a word, but it was more than he had shown Kurt since he had been here.

Kurt's thoughts drifted back to his roommate and the events of yesterday, it had all come back to him as he had wandered the quite halls. The way he had felt when everyone seemed to gang up on Blaine, Sebastian questioning why he was there. Blaine grabbing him as he ran from the warbler's room, the roof, his asthma attack. His curly haired roommate carrying him back to their dorm, soothing him with his word and running his fingers through his hair.

_He had remembered, despite everything, Blaine had remembered._

Kurt absently reached up and touched his hair with his finger tips, a small smile played on his lips as he remembered how gentle Blaine's touch had been. He let his finger trace the side of his head until they skimmed his ear, he could still feel Blaine's warm breath against his skin, the words he had whispered still echoed in his ear.

"He remembered" Kurt's stomach fluttered slightly at the thought as he whispered to himself. It took Kurt by surprise as he felt the same old stirrings he used to feel from before.

"Who remembered what?"

Kurt jumped at the sound of a voice near his ear; his hand instinctively went to cover it, to stop it being tainted by who ever had crept up on him. He turned his head to see a dark haired boy standing just beside him, a big grin filling his face.

_God was I that out of it_ Kurt thought to himself, he hadn't even heard anyone come in, let alone manage to creep up behind him. Kurt pushed himself up and stood nervously moving so he stood next to the piano. His eyes fell onto the boy who was standing with his hands behind his back; he seemed to be rocking slightly. Kurt suddenly felt uncomfortable as he noticed the boy quickly skim his body with his eyes. He knew that look, he had seen so many times before and Kurt didn't like it one bit. Kurt folded his arms across his chest as if protecting himself from the eyes that were watching him.

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you" The boy said after a moment his eyebrows furrowing slightly he seemed to of picked up on Kurt's reaction.

"You were just I don't know... out of it" The boy laughed slightly, Kurt knew it was a false laugh, one that is used to hide someone's real feelings. This made Kurt feel as though he was back at McKinley; instinctively he let his eyes fall to the floor, his anxiety growing. He didn't know what it was about this boy but he made him _very _nervous, he had a sick feeling at the pit of his stomach that was slowly growing. The boy didn't say anything for a moment he just watched Kurt, he could feel his eyes on him skimming every inch of him and Kurt held himself tighter.

"I wouldn't let Wes see you in here" The boy said as he tried to make conversation, an edge building in his voice. "He's a bit protective of his warblers room, is our Wes. You don't want to know what happened to the last boy who came in here and messed with his piano" The dark haired boy laughed out loud, obviously amused by his own memories.

"I... I'm sorry I didn't mean... I didn't know..." Kurt stammered his arms growing tighter around his chest, a frown formed on his forehead as he inwardly kicked himself, what the_ hell_ was wrong with him, he thought he had gotten past all this.

"It's okay I was only joking" The boy laughed slightly, it was weird he seemed to be enjoying making Kurt feel nervous like this.

The boy reached out for him but Kurt instinctively took a step back. Kurt lifted his eyes and looked at the boy; he wasn't expecting the look that was plastered all over his face.

"I wasn't going to hurt you" The boy scowled at Kurt his voice deepening with a slight edge to it, the sudden change took Kurt by surprise.

"_Oh Dexter take a hike"_

Kurt and the boy turned to find Neil standing by the door; Kurt felt a wave of relief wash over him. He hadn't realised that he had been holding his breath until he felt the warm air escape from his lips.

"I was only talking to him" Dexter scowled at Neil, there was definitely no love lost there. "I wasn't gonna hurt him."

"That's good then, but it doesn't look like Kurt here wants to _talk with you_" Neil said as he took a step closer to the two boys, his eyes never leaving the dark haired boy. Kurt watched his eyes looking from one boy to the other, judging their reaction to each other. Neil seemed determined, if not slightly nervous, as he approached them while this Dexter guy eyed him carefully. He seemed to be looking for something but Kurt didn't know what. There was definitely a history here, but what? Kurt didn't know.

Dexter looked behind Neil his eyebrows arched slightly as she looked back at Neil.

"What no body guard?" Dexter asked a small lopsided grin appearing on his face. "Thought Blondie was glued to you side?"

"He's... busy" Neil said his voice slightly shaky; he seemed to fighting some inward conflict as he stood in front of the dark haired boy. He never once let his eyes move away from this boy. Kurt watched from the side lines, he seemed to of been forgotten, Dexter's attention now firmly on Neil. "I'm sure he will be along in a minute, he's never far away."

"I'm sure he will be" Dexter took a step towards Neil, who instinctively took a step back, his eyes falling away just for a second. Kurt could see in Neil's eyes that he had instantly regretted that decision.

Dexter's smile grew as he noticed the mistake the other boy had made. He walked towards Neil, this time the boy never moved a muscle and never let his eyes fall. Dexter moved to the side and he side stepped around Neil.

"See you around my _little wall flower_" Dexter leaned in and whispered into his ear, Neil visibly swallowed his face trying hard to mask the sudden panic that had started to rise inside of him.

Kurt stood for a moment not sure what to do as he watched Neil. His eyes seemed to be firmly fixed on the floor before him; they held a look that Kurt couldn't quite pick up on. It was only there for a moment, until Neil came back lifting his eyes to look at Kurt, but it was long enough for Kurt to notice.

"You okay" Kurt whispered, he took a step forward and placed his hand gently on Neil's arm. Although he was looking at him there was still something, something that Kurt couldn't put his finger on written in his eyes.

"Mmm" Neil said absently then he suddenly frowned lightly at Kurt. "Stay away from Dexter he... he's no good"

"Yea okay" Kurt wasn't going to argue he didn't like the boy anyway, he made him nervous, but the way Neil had said it made Kurt curious even more.

"Good" Neil seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as a little smile formed on his lips.

"**Neil Nicholas Thompson"**

Neil rolled his eyes and inwardly moaned as his full name was bellowed from the door way. Kurt jumped lightly his head turning to see Jeff marching through the warbler's door.

"_I've been looking for you every where young man"_ Jeff came to stand beside Neil quickly snaking his hand with his boyfriends, linking their fingers together. Kurt noticed how, even though Neil seemed to be annoyed at his boyfriend shouting at him, his body instantly relaxed from the blondes touch. It was like he grounded him.

"Jeff you are my_ boyfriend_, _**not **_my _gate keeper_" Neil snapped as he turned to face the blonde, but he still kept his hand firmly in his boyfriends, actually gripping tighter.

"Yea well you could of ..." Jeff suddenly stopped as he looked at the boy beside him, concern suddenly appearing on his face, his voice softening. "Babe you okay?"

Kurt watched as Neil looked at Jeff, he knew he seemed to be trying to hide whatever was going on inside him.

_Should I mention Dexter?_ Kurt thought to himself, but decided not to. If Neil wanted Jeff to know then he would tell him.

"Yea I'm fine, I just don't like my _boyfriend_ behaving like my _parents_" Neil's voice still had a slight edge to it as he averted his eyes from his boyfriends.

"Neil" Jeff sighed his face seemed to drop as he looked at his boyfriend who was now refusing to meet his eyes. Kurt felt as though he was intruding as he watched the two boys.

"I said I was fine" Neil's voice broke slightly as his resolve began to crumble. Kurt didn't know why but that Dexter guy seemed to of really shaken Neil more than he was letting on.

Jeff didn't say anything but Kurt could see how much he was worrying about his boyfriend. Jeff pulled gently on his boyfriends' hand, turning him with his other one; he brought Neil into his arms.

That was all it took for the tears to start falling from the slightly smaller boys eyes. His body shook from the silent sobs that escaped as he buried his face into Jeff's shoulder. Jeff wrapped his arms tighter around his boyfriend pulling even closer.

"When are you going to trust me" Jeff whispered into Neil's ear causing the boy to pull Jeff closer, Kurt had a feeling that this had happened before.

Kurt slowly backed away feeling the need to give the two boys their space as he turned and walked to the door. Kurt reached the door to the Warblers room; he turned to look back at the two boys.

He watched as he saw Jeff pull away slightly, he cradled Neil's face in his hands making sure that the boy locked eyes with him.

"I love you, you know that right?"

Neil looked at Jeff a questioning look on his face; it was like he was unsure whether to believe him.

After a moment Neil silently nodded allowing Jeff to kiss him softly on his lips. Jeff wrapped his arms around Neil and pulled him in once more, Neil's body sighed heavily as he clung to his boyfriend.

Kurt decided he would try and talk to Neil, he was hiding something from Jeff and Kurt felt it had something to do with Dexter.

Kurt silently pulled the doors to the room shut giving the boys more time to themselves; he felt that Neil would be embarrassed if any other lads saw him crying. Turning slightly his thought suddenly turned to Blaine, maybe he should go back to his dorm and speak to him, talk about last night.

"**Kurt"**

Kurt shook himself as he heard his name being shouted, he saw Wes running towards him with David in tow. Wes's face was folded slightly as he approached him, he looked worried.

"Kurt have you seen Blaine?" Wes asked breathlessly as he reached a shocked looking Kurt.

"What?... I..." Kurt couldn't get his words out as he stood in front of the impatient Asian boy.

_Why were they asking about Blaine? _

"Isn't he in his dorm?"

"No he went... running out of here... about ...half hour ago" David managed to get out as he doubled over, his hands on his knees.

"Yea and speedy here let him get away" Wes snapped at the boy beside him, his forehead furrowed in disapproval.

"Look I'm sorry... okay "David managed to stand up slightly, he held his hands up, he had obviously apologised a lot. "I wasn't expecting to do a 6 mile sprint this morning."

Wes looked at the heavily breathing boy beside him and raised his eyebrows at him in a questioning manor.

"Are you not supposed to be the _best sprinter in Dalton_" Wes said sarcastically placing his hands out in front of himself.

"Yes, SPRINTER" David replied putting emphasis on the word_ sprinter_. "Not, cross country sprinter"

"But didn't you beat Blaine last time sprinting cross country" Wes said as he turned away from his friend "Looks like someone needs to stop eating jelly doughnuts and work out a bit more"

David stood opened mouthed; words seemed to of lost him. Kurt just stared at the two boys his forehead creased from confusion.

"Anyway, what happened this morning?" Wes turned to a confused Kurt who had been lost in watching the two boys before him bantering.

"Ohm, nothing" Kurt said after a moment or two.

"Did you just call me fat?" David snapped at his Asian friend obviously put out with what Wes had said. Wes placed a finger up in front of David's face shutting him up instantly; David crossed his hands over his chest and sulked.

"What do you mean nothing?" Wes asked ignoring the scowling boy beside him. "You saw him right? I mean after last night I thought ..."

"I can't believe you just called me fat" David mumbled beside his friend, he was obviously hurt by his best friends' comments.

"_David shut up, you are not fat, you have a great body okay"_

Wes suddenly went bright red as he realised what he had said, Kurt stood with mouth gaping open as David stood grinning.

"So what actually happened this morning" Wes said as he tried to gloss over his embarrassment.

Kurt couldn't find his words; his brain was trying to catch up with the conversations that were going on.

"Kurt? This morning, Blaine what happened?" Wes tried again clicking his fingers in front of the boys face.

"What? Oh nothing, I didn't talk to him" Kurt suddenly felt awkward and a bit guilty as he explained what happened this morning to the Asian boy in front of him.

"So you just _left_... without waking him? Without saying a word to him? ...Without him knowing? " Wes frowned at Kurt as he tried to understand the fact that Kurt had just walked out the dorm without Blaine knowing.

"I... I just... "Kurt felt the door behind him suddenly open taking him by surprise. He breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped aside out of the way as Jeff and Neil walked out.

"What were you two doing in their?" Wes asked, his attention suddenly taken from Kurt by the fact the two boys who had just come out of _his_ warblers room. His face looked as if he could have seriously hurt them or something.

"You know no one's allowed in there without permission" Wes pointed at each of the boys standing in front of him.

"Chill Wesley we were just practicing" Jeff said rolling his eyes; he held Neil's hand firmly at his side. Kurt looked at Neil but he refused to look at him, he was obviously embarrassed about before.

"Don't tell me your thinking of trying out for solo again?" Wes whined, his face looked like he was in pain at the thought of Jeff trying out. "I remembered how it went the _last_ time."

"What? " Jeff's face was the picture of innocence as he held his free hand over his chest. "That was a fabulous try out, I should have got the_ lead_ last year "Jeff stood up proudly, a big grin on his face as Wes snorted, obviously he didn't agree with the blonde.

"Yea that was epic" David started sniggering as he remembered Jeff's try out last year.

"Bloody embarrassing" Neil murmured beside his boyfriend, Jeff turned to face him kissing his cheek lightly.

"_You loved it, especially the private audition."_ He whispered in his boyfriend's ear earning him a shy smile as Neil looked at his boyfriend. That had been the night they had properly made out, before then they had only shared kisses, they had decided to sleep in the same bed from then on _and_ said "I love you" to each other.

"What did you sing?" Kurt asked although he could probably imagine the type of song he sang.

"Do ya think I'm sexy" Jeff sang proudly his face breaking into a full grin as he swung his hips.

"I love that song" Kurt smiled a slight confused look on his face, why would Wes hate the song?

"It wasn't the song..." Wes started to say cringing slightly, before being cut off by a laughing boy beside him.

"It was the dancing" David broke into a full belly laugh, tears streaming down his face.

"Yeah it's burned in my brain; I still have nightmares about it" Wes folded his face as he visibly shook form the pictures forming in his mind. He turned and shoved David to shut him up making the boy laugh even more, holding his side as he tried to catch his breath.

"Why Wes I didn't realise I was your dreams guy "Jeff wiggled his eyebrows at the Asian boy, causing David to laugh even more as Wes scowled at both the boys. He was about to respond when something caught his eye.

"Oh shit" He said his face falling as his looked towards the door of Dalton. The rest of the boys turned to where Wes was now looking.

"Shit" David whispered, his hand instinctively moving, falling on to the small of Wes's back, bringing him in closer to his side, he watched the curly haired boy being led towards the deans' door.

"Fuck sake" Jeff mumbled to himself as he watched his old friend being dragged by the arm, he seemed completely out of it. Neil turned his eyes slightly so they fell onto his boyfriend; he frowned, his brain turning things over in his mind.

Kurt watched wide eyed as a police woman led his roommate to the door, he held his breath as Blaine turned and locked eyes with him. They were empty, lost somewhere inside his mind, void of emotion. Kurt couldn't hold the stare as he let his eyes fall to the rest of his face, shocked by the state he was in.

His hair looked as though it hadn't been brushed for days; he had a cut above his eye with what looked like stitches. He had a split lip and his eye was starting to blacken, dried blood stained the collar of his shirt.

"Shit it looks like he's been fighting again." David whispered to Wes, he felt the boys' muscles in his back stiffen.

"Fucking high as shit as well" Wes muttered to no one in general.

"How do you know?" David asked him, his frowned wandering how Wes could tell from here that Blaine had taken something.

"Seen it enough times" Wes sighed as he ran his hand over his face; he was losing the battle for his friend. He didn't understand why he was hell bent on destroying himself. "They are going to kick him out for sure."

"They wouldn't do that would they?" Kurt asked his voice filled with worry and guilt, was it his fault that Blaine had run off and messed up his last time at Dalton, he started to feel sick inside.

"People have been chucked out for less than what Blaine has done" Jeff answered Kurt as Wes just shrugged, lost for words as he watched his friend being pulled through the now opened door.

All 5 boys stood in silence, their eyes firmly fixed on the closing door, each wandering what was going on inside. Kurt couldn't help but think this was his fault, if only he hadn't left him alone this morning. He should have stayed and talked to him, maybe they would still be there now.

They all suddenly jumped, lost in their own thoughts, as the door suddenly swung open; It banged against the wall as Blaine came marching out his face full of anger. They stood opened mouthed, no one moved, they all knew this was not the best time to approach the furious boy.

"Blaine, wait!"

The 5 boys each turned their heads towards the deans' door, their eyes wide as a dark haired man came running out after him.

"Blaine" the man shouted

"Fuck off Cooper "Blaine responded but carried on walking, ignoring the stares that he was getting from the other students. They jumped out of his way as he stormed through the main hall, nearly pulling one of the doors off its hinges. The group of 5 friends could only stand there and watch as the man ran after him.

"Cooper?" Kurt asked absently his eyes still firmly fixed on the back of the man.

"Blaine's brother" Jeff answered as they all started to run after the two brothers, moving as one.

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><p><strong>AN _So what did you think? Did you find the two clues? Do you know where the links lead to and why they are connected to Blaine? Send me a review with your thoughts, and I will pm you back to tell you if you were right or not. We meet Blaines older brother next and what will happen when Kurt and Blaine see each other alone in their dorm room together._**


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N** For those who didn't pick up on the clue in last chapter, I will give you a hint, Neil is wall flower. You may need to read back to find out where this is mentioned. So the question is how does Dexter know Neil is Wall flower? The link would be Blaine, but this will come clearer in the next few chapters as Blaine begins to unravel. We understand a bit more of why Blaine is like he is in this chapter. I must say a big thankyou to my new BETA Mistabella for your help x**_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 15 <strong>

**PLEASE BELIEVE ME**

Blaine stormed through the foyer of Dalton, his body was starting to shake, out of anger or the coming down he didn't know. He yanked open the door _slamming_ it against the wall, the door bounced back as it swung on its hinges.

_How could they do this? _

_How could they call his fucking brother?_

_Who the hell do they think they were? _

_They had no right to call his fucking brother?_

He had never been as angry as he was right now, but was it really anger or fear that was raging through him. He had come so close to revealing everything to his brother but he had been so scared of what he would think of him.

"Blaine wait"

"_**I said fuck off Cooper"**_ Blaine shouted over his shoulder as he heard his brother shouting at him from behind. There was no way he was going to stop, to allow this chance that he would break down and open up.

"_**God damn it Blaine will you wait"**_Cooper shouted angrily at his younger brother, he was too old to go chasing him around the school. Cooper grabbed his brother's arm, pulling him to a sudden stop as he swung him around.

"_**Don't fucking touch me**__"_ Blaine shouted spit flying from his mouth as he yanked his arm back out of his brothers vice like grip. Both boys stood there panting heavily as they stared each other down. They used to be so close even though there was a 6 year age difference, but over the past couple of years it had deteriorated.

Cooper was a good foot taller than Blaine so his younger brother had to look up at him. He couldn't hide the disappointment from his own eyes as he looked into Blaine's. He knew that Blaine had taken something because his eyes were slightly glazed; his pupils' were dilated and he had dark circles under them.

Blaine saw the look, he knew it well. He couldn't help the guilt, the shame that was rising inside of him. He felt like he was going to explode as his body was wrecked with all the emotion running through him. He could feel the start of the coming down. This was the worst part and he needed to get to his room. He didn't have time for this. He couldn't let people see how much it hurt: how much pain he felt as the substance drained from his body. He turned and started to walk away but was blocked by his brother's body which was suddenly in front of him.

"_Get out my way"_ Blaine growled out through gritted teeth as he tried to side step his brother. His body was starting to shake slightly as the pain began to build. Cooper grabbed the smaller boys arm again as he tried to prevent him from going anywhere.

"_**I said don't fucking touch me"**_ Blaine shouted again, as he turned and shoved his brother hard in the chest, causing him to stumble back. Blaine turned and started once more to walk off, Cooper jumped in front of him once more..

"_**What the fuck is your problem? What the hell you even doing here?"**_ Blaine shouted his voice strained as his throat burned slightly. He stood looking up at the older man; his body was shaking again. He held his hands together forming fists as he tried to control them. He couldn't let his brother see, he couldn't deal with all the questions, the worry and concern.

"You, you're my _fucking problem._ I'm here because _you _can't keep your little_ ass_ out of trouble." Cooper stared down at his younger brother his finger jabbed at his brother's chest, frustration and anger building all over his face. Blaine looked up at him; his blood was beginning to boil. He could feel himself starting to sweat; he really needed to end this now.

"Yea well I never asked _you _to take _precious time_ out of _your perfect little life_, to come and sort out _your_ screwed up little brother. I told you I didn't want you here; _**I told you to fuck off out of my life!**_ "Blaine shouted jabbing his own finger at his brother, he put as much anger he could muster into his words; anything to get him away from him; anything to hurt him.

"Yea well it's a good job I didn't listen then isn't it, look at the state of you" Cooper grabbed Blaine's chin and turned his face so he could see his eyes better.

"So who did you fight this time? What _shit_ did you put in your body?" Cooper was losing his resolve as his voice rose; he was so full of anger and frustration, worry, hurt that his brother was shutting him out. He couldn't understand why Blaine was determined to screw up his life, why he wouldn't talk to him anymore.

Blaine pulled his head out of his brother's hand, he couldn't stand his brother touching him, and Cooper's fingers burned his skin. He turned his head away unable to look his older brother in the eye, afraid of what he might actually see in them.

"Blaine talk to me,_ please_" Cooper pleaded, no matter how angry he was at his little brother he loved him. He reached out to him, all he wanted to do was pull him in and wrap his arms around him, protect him.

Blaine took a step back from his brother, making sure he stayed out of touching distance. He couldn't breathe around him, his chest was tightening. He needed to go, he couldn't do this but he couldn't walk away either. Something was holding him there pulling him, stopping him from going any further.

"You know you can talk to me, tell me anything; I won't be angry with you..," Cooper tried again; Blaine kept his eyes turned away. He could feel his brother's eyes burning into him, searching for anything that will tell him why his younger brother was so angry.

"I won't tell anyone ... You know I can keep a secret"Cooper bent his head in the direction Blaine's eyes were, trying to make eye contact.

Blaine couldn't believe it as he laughed to himself in disbelief, his brother's words burning his ears.

"You're joking right" Blaine whipped his head back around, his forehead folded in on its self. His eyes were filled with anger and hurt, a deep pain that still burned within him. His chest was starting to throb; his hands shaking as he scrunched them up into a ball. He was on the brink, he could feel it.

"You really think I would confide in _you_... _**I wouldn't tell you anything**_" Blaine spat out his words, hate filling every part of his being.

Cooper looked down at his brother his face full of confusion; he couldn't understand why Blaine was acting this way.

"What? Why? You know you can trust me..."

"Trust you" Blaine laughed at him "The last time I trusted you I got a _kicking_."

Cooper looked at Blaine he had no idea what he was talking about; they hadn't been in contact for God knows how long. Cooper felt a pang of guilt as he realised he hadn't seen his brother for 6 months.

"What you talking about? I haven't spoken to you in what 6 months,_ and was because you wouldn't take my calls_" Cooper shouted back at his brother, both boys so lost in their argument that they didn't realise they were drawing a crowd. "So don't blame me for any fights you may have gotten yourself into here."

Blaine snorted at his brother in disbelief; _could he really of forgotten?_ Or did it just not matter to him. Cooper watched his brother, his mind ticking over all the times Blaine had been in a fight while he's been at Dalton. None had been so bad that they could be classed as a kicking, and Blaine had not told him anything that could be classed as a secret, _unless..._

"_Oh no, you cannot blame me for that"_ Cooper snapped pointing his finger at his brother; he shook his head. "That had nothing to do with me, I told no one."

"You told mum" Blaine all but whispered his words. The hurt and pain from that day was still evident in his voice.

"Blaine, I didn't know what else to do" Cooper sighed as he tried to make his brother understand. "I thought she could handle it better, I mean you were 11 and I was only 17..."

"She told _dad_" The anger in Blaine's voice was evident; Cooper furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He didn't get it; he didn't understand what Blaine was getting at.

"Look I'm sorry but what's the big deal, he was cool with it "Cooper lifted his hands up in front of him shrugging his shoulders, "He even protected you after those kids beat you up; he sent you here."

Blaine snorted again his brother really didn't get it, why would he. It was his word against his fathers, always has been.

"He sent me _here _so he wouldn't have to _deal_ with it, because he felt _guilty_..." The pain that he had felt on that day was still very much raw. He thought he had dealt with it. His father had apologised and tried to make it up to him by sending him here, but it still wasn't enough. _He went from one hell straight into another._

"What the hell are you talking about?" Cooper asked the visibly upset boy in front of him. He was trying to make sense from all that Blaine was saying, but more of what he _wasn't saying_. He didn't like the place his mind was taking him as Blaine's words started to sink in. "What did he need to feel guilty about?"

Blaine looked up at his brother his mind and body a swirl of emotion. He wasn't thinking straight he knew that, but he couldn't stop himself.

"It wasn't kids" Blaine said matter of fact. He watched as Cooper's face changed as little things started to slot into place, but he still didn't want to believe it.

Blaine knew he should keep his mouth shut but he couldn't: he was tired now he just wanted to go. Besides, something was compelling him to let one of his deepest secrets out, like an outside force pulling it from deep inside.

"What do you mean it wasn't kids?" Cooper looked confused and angry; as his mind went over the night Blaine had been rushed to hospital, after his father had found him. "You said you got jumped by some kids."

"I lied" was all Blaine said as he fought with his inner voice; it was telling him to back away, to back down before the _shit _hit the fan. Blaine watched the changing face of his older brother as he turned his little brothers words over in his head.

_Why would his brother believe him anyway? His mum didn't._

"_Okay,_ if it wasn't kids then who?" Cooper challenged him; he needed Blaine to tell him, to prove him wrong of what he was thinking.

Blaine looked away and that's when he saw them. His eyes fell upon the group of lads forming around them. He saw Wes, David, Jeff and Neil's faces filled with a mixture of worry and confusions. And then there was him; the reason why he had been unravelling these past few weeks.

The reason why he had been fighting within himself, questioning why he was doing all this, why he was still here.

_**Kurt.**_

The look on his roommate's face was unreadable; he was watching him, and his eyes were fixed only on Blaine. It was like he was trying to pull Blaine apart bit by bit from the inside out, bringing all his inner demons to the surface. Blaine hated and welcomed it, pushed it away but pulled it in at the same time.

Then Blaine's eyes fell upon the person standing just behind Kurt, right at the back of the crowd. He could feel the burn from the other person's eyes, the scolding, and the warning burning deep into his soul. The inner voice drawing him back into his body and mind, the one he was trying to fight. The one that was trying to break him, destroy him, devour his very being.

_**Sebastian.**_

Sebastian slowly shook his head, warning the curly haired boy, warning him to back off and _shut the fuck up._

Blaine let his eyes fall between the two boys, his mind and body in turmoil of what to do, who he should go to. What _he wanted_ and what _he deserved_ fighting inside of him, who would win; one will save him and the other will destroy him.

"**_Blaine"_ **Cooper shouted his brother's name as he watched him drift off into a trance. He had turned around when he saw his brother's face fall, filling with a mixture of pain and hope. He saw the group of boys behind him, he hadn't realised they had an audience. He needed to stop this, needed to talk to his brother in private.

"Blaine lets go talk in private" Cooper placed his hand on his brother's shoulder as he tried to get his attention. Blaine jumped back shaken from the trance he was in while his shoulder burned from the touch. He suddenly realised that his whole body was burning from a fire simmering deep within him.

Blaine looked up at his brother, he saw the worry and concern filling his face He couldn't do this; he had no strength left to fight, so he took the decision to finally come clean, but would he be believed.

"Dad" Blaine said quietly his voice hitching slightly, his eyes filling suddenly with unshed tears. Cooper looked at him with confusion all over his face, his forehead furrowing as he searched his brothers eyes.

"What? No it's Coop" Cooper misunderstood what Blaine was trying to say. "Your brother, dad's not here, it's just me."

Blaine could feel the burn as he felt Sebastian's anger grow from across the room. He daren't look at him fearing that he may instantly combust under his stare. He couldn't look at Kurt either, because if he did he knew he would break there and then.

"Dad did it" Blaine carried on as if Cooper hadn't spoken to him, "Dad arranged the beating"

His voice was so small, feeling like that fearful 13 year old boy standing in front of his mother. Remembering the disgust that had filled her face at his words, watching as she turned and walked away from him.

"_No you're lying_" Cooper pointed at his brother, his face folding with a mixture of anger and hurt running through him, he didn't want to believe it could be true. "He wouldn't do that not to his own son; I mean HE sent you _here_ to _protect you_"

The words falling from Coopers mouth mirrored his mothers on that fateful day, the day that started his downward spiral.

Blaine didn't say anything but just looked up at his brother. Blaine's face was now devoid of any emotion as he let his walls climb back up to their highest point. He knew Cooper wouldn't believe him, I mean why should he; Dad was a protector of the innocence, a helper for those who had been unjustly treated.

Cooper's face dropped as he couldn't _believe_ what his little brother was saying; his mind was in complete turmoil. He looked at Blaine then without a word he turned and walked away. Blaine watched his brothers retreating back, watched as he walked away from him, pushing his way through the crowd. Mirroring the way his mother had turned and walked away from him.

_Just like everyone else_ Blaine thought to himself; he felt like he was going to break inside, as he watched his brother disappear. He turned his eyes letting them fall back on each of his friends, all of their eyes were wide with disbelief; they were trying to understand what they had just heard.

Blaine's eyes landed on Kurt's again: his face revealing nothing but his eyes, his eyes showed the pain he was feeling inside, the pity for his old friend.

Blaine didn't _want_ his pity, he didn't want _anyone's _pity, and he didn't deserve it.

Then they landed on Sebastian, his face like thunder as he turned and stormed away. Blaine didn't feel a thing as he breathed in and then turned and walked away from the crowd. His body was shaking, from stress or from the effects of what he had taken; he did not know anymore. All he knew was that he had had enough; he just wanted it all to go away, to escape, and to just disappear.

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><p><strong>AN**_** OMG will this poor boy ever get a break? Could it really be true? His own dad arranged his beating when he was 11 years old? His own mum didn't believe him when he had told her about his dad. Now Cooper has turned his back on him, or has he? **_

_**I'm in the middle of writing the next chapter,it's not as angsty as we see a softer side to Blaine. Also we find out a bit more about his life away from Dalton as another secret is revealed. I will be throwing a couple of songs into the story at some point, I do like my songs :-). Hopefully next chapter will be up soon as I'm working on two stories at the moment. **_

_**Read, Review, Enjoy xx**_


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N**_** Just a short note to say that I had to split this chapter as it was beginning to get too long. It went in a whole different direction than I had expected. Just one warning, it does get a bit graphic near the end. I was debating whether to include the last part, but it is relivant to the three characters involved. Some people maybe surprised by Blaines behaviour in this chapter but things will come clearer over the next coupleof chapters. Please read and enjoy, and I hope nobody will be offended afterwards.**_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 16<strong>

**DEEPER INTO THE DARKNESS**

Blaine kept walking through the halls making his way to his room. He just wanted to hide for a while, escape from the hell he was in. He had just made it to his door, opening it slowly when he was pushed inside from behind. He didn't react as he stumbled into his dorm; he knew who it was, knew he would be waiting for him.

"What the _fuck_ Blaine?" Sebastian growled at the curly haired boy, watching as Blaine straightened himself up. Blaine smoothed down his blazer refusing to look the other boy in the eyes; he couldn't be bothered to fight anymore. He had enough pain inside him that some more wouldn't hurt.

"Are you determined to piss me off?" Sebastian stalked towards the other boy his face contorted with anger, his breath coming out deep and sharp. Blaine stood and looked at the taller boy his face and eyes devoid of any emotion.

"Just do what you have to do Sebastian I really don't care anymore" Blaine sighed holding his arms out to his side, giving him permission to do his worse. It had to be better than the hell he was in anyway.

"Do what I have to do?" Sebastian couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was shaking with anger. He was so close to hitting the boy in front of him: but he needed him later, needed him to make up for last night and today. No way was he taking the heat for Blaine's idiotic behaviour, again.

"Do you know what _shit you_ have put _me_ in?" Sebastian jabbed his finger at Blaine: his forehead furrowed from frustration. "It's bad enough that you ignored you phone last night: but to go awol today , get in a fight with some other loser, and get so_ fucking high _that your shaking with the come down."

Sebastian ran his hand though his hair then down over his face, this boy will be the death of him.

"Well maybe I didn't want to come down, maybe I wanted to stay as high as I could until everything _**stopped**_" Blaine spat out, his own face contorted not with anger but with the pain he was feeling inside.

"Fucking hell, _I knew it_" Sebastian looked at Blaine with disgust, "You know what forget it, you're a fucking liability. I'm not your fucking mother Blaine; I run a business, a business that you are screwing up. I don't need this shit all the time" Sebastian grounded out, his chest heaving from the effort. Blaine turned his head away refusing to look at the taller boy in front of him. "I gave you a break, time off so you can get yourself together, but you're more screwed up than ever"

"I...I can't do this anymore" Blaine's voice broke slightly as he tried to gain his composure. "I'm tired, I'm tired of being who I am... I'm drowning... I need to get back..."

"What? Get back what Blaine? "Sebastian interrupted him as he took a step towards the curly haired boy. He looked down at him, his eyebrows raised in question, his face still full of anger and disappointment. "Your friends?... Your family? ... Kurt?"

Blaine whipped his head around at the sound of his roommate's name, instantly anger sparked in his eyes.

"Leave him out of this; this has nothing to do with him." Blaine couldn't hide the fact that he was still hurting from what Kurt had done this morning, or was it his fears that Kurt would find out the _real him._

"Do you think they will want to know you when they find out? That Kurt will want anything to do with you?" Sebastian's voice was low but firm although there was a hint of something dark hidden within.

"Because if you're thinking of sharing anything that is going on in that screwed up little curly haired brain of yours..." Sebastian tapped the side of Blaine's head with his finger; Blaine shook his head away in anger. "... Like you did down stairs then believe me, they will look at you with disgust. They will walk away just like _everyone else_. As for Kurtie? He will not want to know a _little slut like you_"

Sebastian smiled darkly to himself; he knew he had hit a raw nerve with the smaller boy. Blaine looked away, unshed tears filling his eyes from the words he knew were true.

Nobody would want to know him if the truth ever came out, Kurt would never want to be anywhere near him.

Sebastian's whole demeanour suddenly changed as he looked down at the curly haired boy, watching as Blaine tried to control the tears that were threatening to fall. He both hated and loved it when Blaine pissed him off, it brought out the worse side of him. It helped him keep control of his emotions, but when Blaine was like this, lost and broken, it brought out another side to him. A side he rarely visited, a side no one but this _irritating, pain in the arse, gorgeous boy_ had managed to find.

He hated the way Blaine made him feel, hated the jealousy he felt when he saw the way Blaine looked at Kurt, _hated the weakness_ he felt for this boy. _He hated the fact he couldn't fight it_.

Sebastian sighed as he ran his fingers gently through the soft curls of Blaine's hair. He loved the way they tangled in his fingers, loved the way they fell as he pulled his hand away.

Blaine never flinched instead he closed his eyes, welcoming the touch. It wasn't very often that Sebastian allowed this other side to come through, but when he did Blaine welcomed it, _craved it_.

Sebastian ran his fingers down the side of Blaine's face, grazing over his cheek; he swiped his thumb over Blaine's skin wiping away a stray tear that had escaped. Blaine leaned into the touch allowing himself to be taken once more.

"_I would never leave you Blaine_" Sebastian whispered, he leaned down and pressed his lips gently onto Blaine's. He brought his other hand up to cup the boys face tilting it up towards him.

"Look at me" Sebastian whispered his breath ghosting the smaller boy's lips. Blaine slowly opened his eyes, some tears escaping from under his eyelashes. "I would never leave you, no matter what you do. I'm not like everyone else."

Blaine looked up at him unsure as to whether to believe him, he knew this was wrong, knew that this was just another way to control him. He couldn't stop himself from slipping as Sebastian moved in and kissed him fully on the lips, pushing his tongue through Blaine's closed mouth. He never waited for permission as he took what he wanted. Blaine responded instantly, it wasn't what he wanted, who he wanted but it was all he had, all he deserved.

Sebastian's kisses became more aggressive as he felt the heat rise within him, his trousers instantly becoming tighter. He wound his fingers tightly into the smaller boy's hair pulling on the curls. Blaine gasped in pain but felt his own arousal starting as he grabbed hold of the other boy's blazer.

Sebastian suddenly pulled away slightly, his breath hot and heavy against Blaine's lips.

"_Fuck me"_ Sebastian moaned, a slight desperation seeping into his words.

Blaine didn't hesitate as he pulled the boy towards his bed; Sebastian came willingly allowing the curly haired boy to lead him. Blaine felt the side of his bed against the back of his calves, in one slick move he had turned Sebastian around and pushed him down on to the bed.

Sebastian landed on his back pulling Blaine down on top of him, latching his mouth back onto Blaine's as he fell on him. Both boys groaned as their arousals rubbed together, Blaine instantly pushed down into the other boys groin as he kissed him furiously.

Sebastian didn't waste any time as he reached down and palmed the curly haired boy through his trousers. Blaine unlatched his mouth from Sebastian's and buried his head in his shoulder moaning deeply. Sebastian grinned to himself as he started to undo the other boy's trousers, Blaine allowing himself to be pulled in deeper.

Sebastian slipped his hand straight into Blaine's underwear pulling his hard member free of his clothes.

"Fuck" Blaine moaned deeply as Sebastian started roughly jerking him off, he could feel the heat building inside of him.

Blaine whimpered slightly as Sebastian removed his hand, gripping his curls he pulled Blaine's head back to where he wanted it. He pushed his lips forcefully onto Blaine's, sucking his tongue into his mouth. He loved the sound Blaine gave as he wrapped his tongue around the willing boy, driving it deeper inside Blaine's mouth.

"Shit" Blaine moaned into the hot warm crevice biting down onto Sebastian's lip. Sebastian loved it when Blaine lost all control, but he was even more turned on when Blaine took control from him.

Sebastian opened his legs and allowed Blaine to fall between them; he wrapped his long legs around Blaine's thin waist and pulled him in tighter. He ignored the fact that he could feel Blaine's hip bones digging into his calves.

Blaine groaned loudly into the other boy's mouth, he pushed down harder into Sebastian. His exposed hard member rubbing against the other boys trousers, he could feel how hard Sebastian was underneath him.

Blaine grabbed hold of Sebastian's wrists and pushed them forcefully high above his head, holding them in place as he grounded down harder and faster into him.

"_Keep them there"_ Blaine whispered as he pulled his hands slightly away from Sebastian's wrists. He bit down on the side of the shaking boy's neck, not hard enough to mark but just enough to make the other boy gasp.

Blaine lifted himself up further and looked deep into Sebastian's eyes. Their breath was hot and heavy and their eyes hooded from arousal. Sebastian pulled his wrists slightly, not enough to remove them from Blaine's grip, but just enough to get a response from him.

"_I said keep them fucking there_" Blaine's voice was hoarse as he gave his orders; this was the only time Sebastian allowed him to take control, the only time he had control over _anything_.

Blaine slid his hands down Sebastian's arms, his eyes locked firmly with the other boy's making sure he knew not to move them. Sebastian lay with his wrists above his head completely under Blaine's control, as he watched him.

Sebastian couldn't help the surge of new arousal shooting through his body as Blaine started to grind into him slow and steady. Blaine knew he liked it fast and hard, so him slowing it down only enhanced his control over Sebastian.

Sebastian decided to try and regain some control, he_ needed_ to gain some sort of control. He latched his mouth back onto Blaine biting down hard onto his lip, sucking in the loud groan that escaped Blaine's mouth.

Blaine suddenly pulled back moving away from the other boy, Sebastian whined as he felt the loss of the other boy's mouth, his body. He was about to protest until he felt Blaine tugging at his trousers releasing his own hard throbbing cock. He felt the fabric of his trousers roughly pushed down past his knees, exposing him completely.

Blaine wrapped his fingers around Sebastian's hard member and pulled hard. Sebastian groaned deep as he thrusted up into Blaine's hand causing Blaine to squeeze him, and pull him, even harder. He knew that Sebastian loved the roughness, the pain, it made him harder.

Blaine felt himself suddenly pulled forward as Sebastian grabbed his blazer and attacked his mouth again. He fell onto Sebastian, their hard members rubbing against each other, both boys moaning deeply as they rocked against each other.

"_Fuck me already"_ Sebastian growled as he pushed his groin hard up into Blaine, giving him a very strong hint of what he wanted, _needed _from him.

Blaine groaned deep as he spread Sebastian's legs wider, lifting him slightly as he positioned himself, ready to take the now begging boy beneath him. The hate he felt in himself spurring him on further.

"_**What the fuck?"**_

Blaine jumped up in surprise at the shout in his room. His eyes wide, like a deer caught in headlights, as he saw the group of boys standing by his door. He instantly started to tidy himself up zipping his trousers up, cursing to himself as he struggled. His hands were shaking now as he cursed to himself.

Sebastian looked up at Blaine and then at the boys, he couldn't help the smug smile on his face as he lay panting on the bed. His fully exposed member still very much hard, he made no move to cover himself up.

"Ooopps forgot to lock the door" Sebastian laughed slightly, as much as he enjoyed being fucked by the cute boy, seeing the look on the very red faced, curly haired boy was priceless.

Blaine turned and frowned at the half naked boy on his bed, his brain ticking over. Sebastian always locked the door; as soon as he comes in he _always_ locked the door.

Of cause, how stupid was he as he realised what was actually going on. He knew Sebastian must of planned this, knew that Wes would come looking for him. Blaine was just _too stupid_ to realise until it was too late.

"_Fucking hell Blaine_?" Wes came marching further into the room followed closely by a shocked and gaping David, Jeff and Neil.

Blaine ignored them as his eyes fell upon the boy standing further back, Kurt. Shit Kurt had seen him and Sebastian. He couldn't read Kurts expression, his face neutral but his eyes, his eyes revealed everything. He hated that look in his eyes, hated how it made him feel, hated that he had put it there. It was a look of disappointment and something else, was that pain he saw in Kurt's eyes?

"Maybe I should go" Sebastian said as he climbed off the bed straightening himself as he went, not hiding the fact that he had to tuck himself in.

"_Yea get the fuck out__** "**_Wes snapped to the boy, his face full of anger and disappointment as he looked at both the boys.

Sebastian smiled to himself knowing that this would push Wes further out of Blaine's life. He missed having the smaller boy all to himself, Wes just interferes too much.

"See you later Blainey" Sebastian said as he leaned down and kissed the shocked boy on the cheek. Blaine didn't react his eyes firmly focused on Kurt, which didn't get passed Sebastian.

Sebastian frowned as he felt the stirrings of jealousy rise within him. He had planned for them to find him with Blaine; it was the only way to get him where he wanted him. What he didn't expect was the feelings that this was bringing out in him, the loss of control he felt as he watched Blaine and Kurt.

Sebastian straightened himself up and started to walk out passing Wes as he went, he really needed to get his emotions in check before he ended up like Blaine.

"See you at Warblers later then Wesley" Sebastian slapped Wes on the shoulder then walked out the door.

"_I'll be back in a minute"_ Wes snapped, "_Make sure __**he**__ stays put_" Wes said to David as he pointed his finger at Blaine. David nodded, still in shock at what he had witnessed, the image of Blaine and Sebastian having sex was burned into his brain scarring his eyes.

Wes turned and marched out the room after a certain Warbler, leaving the group of boys gaping at Blaine.

"You're gay?" Jeff asked in disbelief, all these years and he had no idea Blaine batted for the other side. He thought he had a good gaydar that's how he got Neil, but he had no idea about Blaine, it didn't even flicker.

"Yeah" Blaine sighed too tired to even try and deny it; well he couldn't now even if he wanted to. He lowered his eyes from Kurt, he couldn't look at him anymore, he felt _so_ ashamed.

He made to move towards his dorm room door only to be blocked by a very determined David.

"No fucking way" David said as he placed his hand on Blaine's chest "Not this time. Sit down and wait for Wes "

He had already felt the wrath of his roommate after letting Blaine escape; he was determined not to feel it for the second time today.

Blaine kept his eyes fixed firmly on the floor as he turned and walked over to his dresser. Everyone watched as he started to turn each of the items on his table, facing the labels away from him one at a time and then turning them back. He needed to take control of all the emotions running through him. He let his mind drift off, shutting the outside world away, he couldn't deal with this _not now_. He felt the walls around him closing in, suffocating him. He needed his box but he couldn't not with everyone here.

Blaine started taping the desk with his free hand as he turned the items, he was unravelling, breaking. His eyes flicked every now and then to the door of the bathroom, _he really needed his box._

Wes marched, well ran, down the hall until he caught the other Warbler. He grabbed Sebastian by the arm and swung him around, if the other boy was taken by surprise he didn't show it.

"_What the __**fuck **__you doing Sebastian"_ Wes nearly shouted at him, his forehead folding with anger. "_You __**said**__ you would leave him__** alone**__?_ "

"Changed my mind" Sebastian shrugged his shoulders matter of factly, he made to carry on walking but Wes grabbed his arm.

"Changed your mind?" Wes said he couldn't believe it, they had made a deal." You can't just change your mind, we had a deal. We shook on it."

Sebastian laughed at himself; this boy was more stupid than he thought_. No one_ told Sebastian Smythe what to do.

"Then I'll tell you what Wesley, if you're not happy with the change in our deal, then why don't you go and tell Blainey _all _about it" Sebastian grinned at Wes while he frowned at him. "Tell him about our deal, tell him how you made me lead warbler so that I would stay away from him. Does it look as though he wants me to stay away?"

Wes straightened up and let go of Sebastians arm, anger filling him inside, he knew the other boy was right. He would _never_ tell Blaine about what he had given up for him, it would only make Blaine feel guilty. Blaine knew how much being lead Warbler was important to Wes.

"No I didn't think so, why don't you just trot along to your little play mates and leave Blaine to me" Sebastian sneered, Wes could feel the hate for this boy building up inside him, he knew Sebastian was no good for Blaine but there was nothing he could do.

"And don't even think about trying to take back the position of Lead Warbler" Sebastian leaned forward slightly making sure he invaded Wes's personal space, just to make his point clearer. "If you do, or tell anyone, then I may just have to turn my attention to that Dark Prince of yours"

Wes watched Sebastian turn and walk through the door into his own dorm room. His anger building up inside of him, then he turned and marched back to his friends' room. Determined to get to the bottom of why his best friend was determined to screw up his life.

Sebastian walked into his dorm his blood boiling from his encounter with Wes. How dare the _little shit_ try and tell him what to do.

"Hey Sebastian wandered where you got to" Dexter sat up on his bed, placing his phone on his side table. He had been waiting for him for at least an hour. Sebastian looked over at the boy his groin starting to stir again; he was still half hard from his frolic with Blaine.

"_Get undressed"_ Sebastian growled as he turned and locked the door.

"_Fuck yes_" Dexter breathed in excitement as he started pulling his clothes off.

Sebastian walked over to Dexters bed shelling his own clothes, his member hardening as he watched the boy lying naked on his bed. Dexter was already hard as he started to jerk himself off.

He opened the draw of Dexters side table and reached in to pull out a condom. Dexter watched his every move as Sebastian tore the packet open with his teeth. Sebastian's eyes fixated on the boy on the bed as he jerked himself.

"_Turn over"_ Sebastian growled his voice dark with arousal. Dexter looked hungrily up at Sebastians hard member as he slipped the condom on, swallowing deeply.

Dexter didn't waste any time as he scrambled to turn and knelt on all fours, he knew the look in the other boy's eyes, knew this was going to be_ very_ good.

Sebastian climbed on to the bed and knelt behind the waiting boy. He pushed his cock hard and deep into him, not giving Dexter anytime to prepare as he drove hard and fast. Both boys moaned deeply as Dexter pushed back onto him, making sure he took all of Sebastian into him.

Dexter buried his fingers deep into the quilt as he grounded himself, ready for the on slaughter. His breathing was coming out hard and fast as he felt himself pushed further to the edge. This would be quick he knew that, but hell, it would be so _fucking good_.

Sebastian grabbed the boys shoulder with one hand and wound his fingers into his hair with the other. He pulled Dexter back harder and harder as he pounded into him, taking all his frustrations out on the boy below him.

It wasn't enough though he still needed more, _craved more_. He wanted Blaine, craved the curly haired boy which angered him. There was only one thing that would help, the one other thing he needed.

He removed his hand from Dexters hair and reached around grabbing the boys already weeping cock. He started to jerk him off roughly with a punishing rhythm. Dexter moaned loudly pushing up into Sebastian and then down into his hand matching his rhythm.

Sebastian knew the harder and faster he drove the more Dexter enjoyed it, and he needed it himself tonight. He couldn't have Blaine so he would take this boy anyway he could.

Sebastian could already feel the wetness surrounding his cock as he drove harder into the boy. He looked down to see blood seeping from the boy's hole. This aroused him more as he felt the darkness wash over him, this was what he _needed_, what he _craved_ more than _anything_. He pushed harder and harder into the near screaming boy below him, pulling out until he could see the tip of his own member. He had never been as hard as he watched the blood coating his hard cock.

He could feel the building in his groin, the heat rising from deep inside. He knew Dexter was just as close as he speeded up the pace. Sebastian pushed his hips forward at a punishing pace, his hand pulling at the other boys' member just as fast and hard.

He drove one last time deep and hard into Dexter both boys groaning loudly as they came. Dexter slumped onto the bed Sebastian falling on top of him slipping out of him. Their bodies were shaking from the orgasm, their chests rising and falling from the best that either had ever had.

"_Shit, fuck"_ Dexter moaned "_that's was... god_"

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><p><strong><em>AN Well what do you think? I hope it wasn't too graphic for you but my story is M rated. If some of you were surprised by Blaines actions then there is a reason for this. And as for Sebastian and Dexter, they both share a certain dark side which they love to exploit. _**

**_Things become a bit clearer as Blaine is pushed further towards the edge and we begin to understand why he behaves in a certain way. Also someone who is a big part of Blaines life makes an appearance, and we see a totally different side to him. Oh and things take a turn for the worse for one of the boys when their past starts to creep into their present, but which one. Wes? David? Jeff? Neil? Or is it Kurt?_**

**_All this to come in the next few chapters._**

**_Please leave a review as I like to hear your thoughts. _**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N**_** Hi I won't add an authors note I will just let you read this chapter.** _

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 17<strong>

**AN ANGEL BEFORE ME **

"I don't get it, so you're gay? Who cares, why hide it?" Jeff asked completely thrown by what he had just witnessed. Of all the years he had known Blaine he would never have guessed that he batted for the other team.

"Now hiding the fact you're shagging Sebastian I can understand, that's just... eww" Jeff scrunched his face up and shuddered at the thought. "But, why didn't you tell me?"

Jeff reached out and touched his friends arm, forgetting the fact that they were supposed to hate each other. He didn't understand why Blaine had not told him. He was even more confused when Blaine flinched at his touch, he couldn't understand, he had never done that before.

"_Jeff just drop it now"_ David snapped slightly as he rubbed his hand over his face, he was beginning to get a headache and Jeff's constant questions was not helping. "I mean, why would he tell you anyway, you hate each other?"

Jeff turned his head towards his other friend, his face fell at David's words, he was right, they were supposed to hate each other. He turned back to look at Blaine and he watched him as he turned each item on his desk. His eyes were firmly focused on the task, his fingers taping out a steady rhythm. He looked so lost right now, just like the little boy he had befriended on their first day here.

He had been so caught up in their secret, and Neil, that he hadn't noticed how broken his friend had become. He hated himself right now, he knew what he needed to do, he didn't care what Blaine had said, he needed to put things right, Blaine needed him.

"Just leave it Jeff." Neil sighed as he watched the two boys. He had so many things going around his head, so many questions. He just wanted to go back to his room; he couldn't get his head around the fact that the boy who had belittled them and made crude remarks about them being gay was _actually gay_. He needed time to work things out in his mind before he confronted Blaine himself, and now was not the time.

Jeff turned his attention to his boyfriend, the boy Blaine had wanted him to protect, the boy he had fallen head over heels in love with. What would happen to them once the truth came out? Why_ did_ Neil need protecting?

Jeff knew that Neil was hiding something from him, and Blaine obviously knew what that was. It hurt him to know that his boyfriend didn't trust him enough to confide in him.

"It's obvious he doesn't want to talk." Neil indicated towards the curly haired boy who had not uttered a single word since Wes had left. "Just leave it, let Wes sort it."

Jeff turned back and looked at his old friend watching him; he wandered what was going through Blaine's mind right now.

_Should he try and tell Blaine what he was planning? _

No, he would try and stop him, but he couldn't just stand by and watch his friend disappear anymore.

Jeff sighed placing a tender hand on Blaine's arm letting him know he was still there. This time Blaine didn't flinch, didn't move away from his touch, instead he leaned into it slightly. That was all the confirmation Jeff needed, Blaine needed him, needed him to take control.

Jeff turned and walked away towards his boyfriend, who was now frowning at him confused. With every step Jeff took he could feel the end coming, feel his heartbreaking as he knew he would lose the only boy he had ever loved, but Blaine needed him now.

"Okay, let's leave him to it." Jeff slipped his hand into his boyfriend's linking their fingers. He couldn't help thinking that this maybe the last time he would feel the warm touch of the boy beside him. He looked down at their linked hands feeling his heart breaking inside.

"Jeff?" Neil's voice was uncertain as he looked up at his boyfriend. Jeff lifted his eyes to meet his boyfriends; he lifts his hand and runs his fingers gently through the hair on the side of Neil's head.

Neil swallows as Jeff smiles sadly at him, he was starting to feel sick unsure as to what was happening.

Without saying a word Jeff leads the confused boy out of the dorm room, Neil could feel his boyfriend's hand shaking as they walked. The unease feeling in the pit of his stomach was growing, something he hadn't felt in a long while. A feeling his world was about to come apart once more.

David watched confused as Jeff led his boyfriend out, the sudden change in Jeff's whole demeanour worried him. He turned back to the curly haired boy who was still focused on his desk. There was something going on between his two friends that he couldn't put his finger on. He had seen how Blaine had leaned into his old friends touch, the boy who he had said he hated.

_Why?_

He was suddenly shaken from his thoughts as the door came flying open, banging against the wall as Wes stormed in. His face was like thunder as he marched straight up to Blaine. Wes stood there for a moment watching the curly haired boy taking note of his actions as he carried on turning his items. He didn't seem to have noticed that Jeff had left and Wes was now standing in his place.

"_Well?"_ Wes asked through gritted teeth, his jaw tense from the effort to not shout at his friend. His anger had grown as he made his way back to Blaine's dorm, his mind swimming with everything that had gone on. Blaine had blatantly lied and promised him he was no longer seeing Sebastian, why he was surprised he didn't know.

"Wes maybe now..." David said taking a step towards the two boys. He had never seen Wes so angry before and he didn't like to think what he would do, but he was abruptly cut off by Wes holding up his finger to him.

"I'm waiting to see if Blaine here is going to enlighten me as to why, after he promised me he would stay away from Sebastian, _I walk in to find them shagging on his bed_!" Wes's voice rose as his anger got the better of him; he was really disappointed in his friend, if not hurt that he would lie to him.

"Look, I get that you may not agree with his choice, but it's still his choice." David tried to reason with his friend, he didn't understand why Wes was so angry.

"With all due respect David you have no idea what's going on here, so kindly keep out of what you don't understand." Wes snapped at his friend turning to look at him, before turning back to Blaine. He hated it when his friend shut him out like this, his anger grew as Blaine carried on turning his items. He was slowly losing him as he felt Blaine close off from him even more; this scared him more than he wanted to admit.

"_**Yea okay I have no idea why you are so angry at the fact that Blaine is shagging Sebastian, but you still can't tell him what to do or who not to see."**_ David shouted back because he was angry that Wes was having a go at him when he hadn't done anything wrong. Yea okay, he had taken the back lash on more than one occasion when someone had upset his roommate, but this was different.

"_**I can when he chooses to go down the road of self destruction."**_ Wes shouted his blood was boiling as he thought of the last time he had found out Blaine was seeing Sebastian. "When I know what happened the last time, and I have to watch and pick up the pieces when he's finished with him!"

Wes's voice hitched slightly as the memories of that day came flooding back. The picture forming in his mind of his friend lying on the bathroom floor covered in blood.

Okay this has happened before David thought to himself as he heard the change in his roommate's voice. David looked towards Blaine; he saw his body tense from Wes's words. So he was listening, he has just chosen not to respond. David had so many questions running through his mind as he watched his two friends.

Blaine was trying his hardest to shut everyone and everything out, turning his items over and over again, taping a rhythm out with his fingers, the same rhythm over and over again.

Wes was watching the other boy as well; he could feel his anger growing inside. He knew Blaine could hear him, knew he was listening to everything that was being said. Wes knew that Blaine was trying to gain control of the situation he had been found in. This was his friends way of shutting the world away for a moment until he was calm enough, and strong enough, to be able to lie to his friends _again._

"**Stop it, stop doing that"** Wes screamed at his friend grabbing his arms, turning his whole body to face him. He couldn't stand there and watch him, _allow him,_ to build up his walls in front of him. He wanted him to stop and talk to him, shout at him, anything, just tell him why he keeps doing this to himself.

Blaine refused to look at him; instead he turned his head back towards his desk. Wes knew even though he wasn't physically able to turn his items, he was turning them over in his mind.

That was Wes's breaking point, the point where he lost his own control. Wes let go of his friend, he watched as Blaine immediately went back to turning his items, tapping his rhythm out on the table. Wes swept his hand cross the desk pushing all the items on to the floor watching as they scattered. Blaine stood still for a moment, and then he bent to pick them up, his body shaking as he started to panic.

He couldn't believe his friend had done that, Wes knew how important this was to him. He had tried to explain it every time Wes had caught him doing this. Usually he waited until he had finished but not this time, this time he knew he had pushed Wes too far. He was so scared that Wes would leave him, would walk away like everyone else.

"_Don't you dare pick them up"_ Wes snapped as he grabbed his friend yanking him back away from the items. He hated to go this far, hated loosing it this way, hated knowing how this would break the boy in front of him.

"Wes stop it" David grabbed his friend and pulled him away from Blaine, he couldn't stand there and watch this, Wes was out of control_. "What the hell are you doing?"_

David held his friends arms so he couldn't move, holding him in place feeling his body shake under his grip. His heart broke as he saw the hopelessness in Wes's eyes; he knew that this must have been building for a while.

"What are you doing?" He asked his friend more softly, watching as Wes calmed down, realisation filling his face as he looked down at the mess he had made. He turned back to David, seeing the confused and worried expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Wes and David turned and looked towards their friend, pain filling them as they watched him. Wes knew he had gone too far this time, pushed too hard. He had broken his friend, not whatever secrets he was holding, not Sebastian_, but him_, his so called best friend.

Blaine was cowering on the floor of his dorm, wrapped up in his own arms as he rocked back and forth. His head was buried in his knees as he brought them up to himself; he was trying to make himself as small as he could. He kept repeating the words over and over again, his body shaking from the fear that was now surrounding him.

Blaine could feel the panic rising inside him, the tightness in his chest growing as he felt his breath catching in his throat. He had tried so hard to keep it at bay while Jeff was questioning him. The control he had felt as he turned each item growing inside him, the tapping calming the beat of his heart. He was able to control the tightness in his chest, able to breathe without it catching.

Then Wes had come in and destroyed his anchor, had taken his life line. His best friend had taken it all away from him.

_What was he supposed to do now? _Blaine's mind was in turmoil as his jumbled up thoughts swirled around his head._ Could he get his box without them following him? Could he really do that? Risk them finding out how weak he really was?_

Blaine felt the burn before he felt the touch; he flinched, moved away from the heat. He couldn't stand it, it was too much, and why did it burn each time? His whole body felt as though it was on fire.

"_Blaine I'm sorry"_ Wes whispered as he knelt down before his friend, he tried once more to reach out to the trembling boy. Blaine flinched away again; it broke Wes's heart that he had done this to him. He knew after the last time that Blaine was too far gone, he wouldn't let anyone near him now, and he would have to wait until Blaine came to him. If his friend would again, Wes wouldn't blame him if he never spoke to him again.

David looked down at his two friends not knowing what to do, how to help. He had never seen them like this before, he had seen them argue but that was more like a game to them. This was different, this was heartbreaking.

"Blaine"

Wes jumped slightly as he felt Kurt kneel beside him, his voice soft but with a hint of uncertainty. They had forgotten he was there, so wrapped up in themselves they had forgotten Kurt was still in the room.

Blaine stilled slightly as he heard the soft sound surrounding him. The burn eased to a gentle warmth, a glow that started to fill his body. He felt his chest ease, his breathing slowing as the warm heat flowed through him.

Kurt reached out his hand and placed it gently on Blaine's, he tensed slightly but allowed the touch. Kurt ran his hand slowly, step by step, up Blaine's arm to his shoulder. He was barely touching him, just the tips of his fingers grazing Blaine's arm. He could feel the tension escaping the boy's body, the shaking slowing down to a slight tremble. He placed his other hand on Blaine, mimicking his previous movement until both hands settled on the boys shoulders.

Wes stood up next to David, both boys watching, mesmerized by what they were witnessing.

Kurt moved his hands in a slow steady movement, allowing his touch to calm every part of Blaine's body.. They watched as the once shaking boy calmed and his body relaxed, his breathing easing as his words stilled. All that was heard was Blaine's breathing as he relaxed into the touch.

Kurt rested his hands on either side of his roommate's face, Blaine's breath hitched slightly from the touch. He let Kurt lift his head, his eyes still closed tight. Kurt leaned forward and placed his forehead on Blaine's, he whispered softly to him, words that only he and Blaine could hear.

David and Wes watched transfixed as Blaine wrapped his arms around his roommates pulling him in close. Kurt wrapped his own arms around Blaine letting his former friends head fall and rest in the crook of his neck. Blaines warm, but still shaky breath, tickled his skin causing his own breath to hitch slightly.

Blaine felt his body start to welcome the warmth, craving the warmth as it filled his body. He wanted more, needed more as he started to lean in towards it. He felt his body reacting to the touch, moving on its own accord, his arms falling and wrapping themselves around the warm body. He pulled it closer, _impossibly closer_, he wanted to be surrounded by it and never let go.

The two boys were so lost in their own little world that they didn't notice David and Wes leave the room.

Wes allowed himself to be led out by David, his hand firmly gripped in his roommates. He took one last look back at the two boys on the floor, he watched for a moment as Blaine curled deeper into Kurt's arms. Kurt's lips moving as he let whispered words fall from his mouth, easing his friends mind.

Wes felt his hand being tugged; he turned round to see David looking at him. His eyes matched Wes's as unshed tears shone from them. He allowed David to pull him away from the room as he closed the door behind them, leaving the two boys still wrapped in each other's arms.

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><p><strong>AN**_** Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter I enjoyed writing it. Did you pick up on the way Blaine reacts when someone who cares about him tries to touch him? **__**When Cooper tried to touch him it burned Blaines skin the same as when Wes tried to touch him. When Sebastian touched him he leaned into it. **_

_**The reason for this is because Blaine doesn't think he deserves the warmth and comfort he would recieve from anyone who tries to show they care about him, so it burns him as it too much and he can't cope so he pulls away. He does, however, think he deserves the burn that he feels from Sebastian so he leans into it, even if it hurts. I know that he has hugged Jeff and not felt the burn, this was because that was Blaines choice, he chose to comfort his friend. **_

_**And then there's Kurt. Why was it that when Kurt touched Blaine all he felt was warmth and peace? Infact he reached out for it and pulled it closer towards himself.**_

_**Well I won't explain that now, I will let you throw around some ideas. It will become clear later on though when Kurt explains. **_

_**Anyway please review and I hope to have next chapter up sometime over the weekend.**_


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N_ Hi everyone sorry about the length of time it has taken me to update, but I have a treat for you. I will be uploading another chapter today, so you get two today :-) I am also nearly finished with the next one too. Blaine's secret is getting closer to being revealed, you may be able to guess from the ending of this one. There are some clues in here if you can find them. Anyway I will let you read and enjoy, please review xx_**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 18<strong>

**THE WINDOWS OF MY SOUL**

Kurt ran his fingers through Blaine's soft curls; he could hear the boys' breath deepening as he began to calm down. Kurt didn't know how long they had been sitting there on the floor, but he knew that they needed to move. It must be getting close to dinner time as he felt the soft rumbles of his stomach; they had missed lunch which meant Kurt was behind in his routine. He couldn't lose anymore of his routine otherwise he would suffer later. The only problem was the way Blaine was curled up into him, clinging to him like he was afraid to let go, that Kurt may disappear.

Kurt had missed this, more than he would like to admit. Blaine had always been a cuddler, always needed those touches even if it was just shoulders or knees. It was like he needed the reassurance that Kurt was still there, as if Kurt was Blaine's anchor. This actually scared Kurt, he wasn't sure he could be that now, not like when they were kids, not after everything he himself had been through.

Kurt could feel his body stiffening, could feel the ache growing in his shoulders and back. He needed to move, he really didn't want to, but he knew he should.

"Blaine." Kurt whispered stilling his fingers so they just rested in the tangle of curls. Blaine let out a small whine as he moved closer to Kurt, nudging his hand with his head. This made Kurt smile slightly, despite the Neanderthal skin that Blaine hid behind, all of the walls Blaine had built up over the years, he still liked to snuggle. His hair had always been Blaine's weakness, the comfort he received from the touch amazed Kurt sometimes.

"We have to move Blaine." Kurt tried again a bit louder, the ache in his body winning over the warmth of Blaine's body.

Blaine's next move took Kurt by surprise; he suddenly stood up instantly moving away from him. Kurt was slightly confused as he watched the change in his roommate; he saw the tension appear back in his body. Blaine's walls had shot back up, he was closing off once more, but Blaine couldn't hide the pain that flickered in his eyes.

Kurt pulled himself up; ignoring the ache in his body he took a step towards him. Blaine automatically took a step back folding his arms across his chest. This hurt Kurt but he refused to acknowledge just how much.

Blaine could feel his panic growing, his walls shot up the moment he had left Kurt's arms. The warmth now gone he was suddenly very cold, very alone, he wrapped himself in his arms. He hated the coldness, hated how it bore deep within him, he wanted the warmth back, wanted Kurt. This scared the hell out of him, the way Kurt made him feel safe, and the way he had always made him feel safe just by holding him. He had really missed Kurt but he was so scared to let him back in. Scared that he would leave him again if he knew, knew how broken he was, how he had allowed himself to fall deeper into the darkness.

"Blaine I didn't mean that I wanted...I just had to..." Kurt tried to explain but was quickly interrupted.

"It's fine." Blaine whispered as he let his eyes flicker down towards the mess on the floor, he needed a distraction. Kurt watched as he became focused on the clutter, he started rocking slightly on his feet and Kurt could see the agitation building.

Kurt knew that he was itching to fix it, to make the items perfect again. He wandered how bad his OCD was, how deep it actually went. From what Kurt had witnessed today and over the past few weeks, he had come to realized that Blaine tended to _hide _behind his disorder, used it as a means to distract the people around him, to stop them getting too close.

Kurt took a step towards the mess and knelt down; he could feel Blaine's eyes fixed on him, watching his every move.

Blaine watched his roommate pick up his items and place them on the desk one at a time. No one had ever touched his stuff before today; they had always left him alone to deal with it. This was not supposed to happen; Kurt was just supposed to leave him to it not help.

_Why was he helping? He shouldn't be helping!_

Blaine watched as Kurt picked up his things, until last night not even Wes had touched his stuff. It was the one thing Blaine still had control over, the one thing that was still his. Blaine could feel his inner turmoil growing, the voices getting louder, the panic once more starting to set in.

_Why are you letting him touch your stuff?_

_Leave him alone Kurt is only trying to help?_

_No his trying to take over, invade your private space!_

_No Kurt just wants to help!_

"I'll do it." Blaine quickly said as he stepped forward and took his items from Kurt's hand, he couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't want Kurt's help, didn't _need _it, he needed to gain control again. If he let go of this one thing what would he be left with?

"It's okay, I don't mind, I just want to help" Kurt said as he let Blaine take the gel he was holding from him.

"It's fine." Blaine stood and placed the gel back in its spot on the dresser "I don't need any help, its fine, I'm fine."

Kurt watched the sudden change in his old friend's body at his words; he could see the walls building back up to surround him once more. Kurt felt Blaine pushing him away as he carried on placing everything back in their rightful place.

Blaine placed his things back, turning them once before moving on to the next one. He could feel Kurt's eyes on him watching his every move; he instantly pulled up his walls around him, shielding himself from everything and everyone. He didn't want to push Kurt away, to fall back into the cold and dark void that was his life. He wanted to keep his old friend close, pull Kurt in so he could drown in the warmth that surrounded him when Kurt was near. The only problem with that was, that would mean letting his old friend see him, not the person he allowed others to see, _but see him._

_Could he do that? _

_Could he risk losing him forever if Kurt saw what he had become, what he had allowed himself to become?_

_You know he won't understand. _

The voices started once more, piercing through his mind.

_He will understand if you show him why._

Could he really show Kurt?

_No, he will never understand, he will never want you, love you. _

The voice was right, no one could love him, and how could he expect anyone to love him, to understand if he couldn't do that himself.

_Shut up leave him alone!_

_No one will want to be anywhere near you when they find out!_

Blaine wasn't sure he was ready for that, ready for people to know, for Kurt to know, but he so wanted someone to know. Someone to see him, to ask the right question that could maybe free him.

They all ask questions, but not the one question he needed them to ask. If they asked that one question then maybe he could show them that one part of his life that he was not ashamed of? The one reason he was still here, the first stepping-stone into his own personnel nightmare.

But would they truly understand?

"Blaine."

Blaine snapped out of his thoughts and turned his head around at the sound of Kurt's voice, his eyes falling on his old friends. They stood there for a moment just lost in each other as they began to take the first steps to reconnect, even if neither of them realized that was what was happening.

"I'm sorry." Blaine whispered his voice breaking slightly as he tried to fight the tears that were threatening to fall. He hated how weak he felt when he was near Kurt, how no matter how high he put his walls he still felt open.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Kurt took a tentative step towards Blaine watching as he fiddled with the sleeve of his blazer. His fingers seemed to scratch the underside of his wrist, Kurt had noticed Blaine do that a couple of times since he had been here, always when he was feeling too closed in. Yet Kurt could still feel the cracks in his friends' walls, he didn't understand why but he needed to be close to him, hold him, protect him.

"You weren't meant to see." Blaine unconsciously took a step towards Kurt, his mind was screaming at him to back away to not go any further, but his body wasn't responding, it was moving on its own accord.

"No one was supposed to see." Blaine's voice was so small; it broke slightly when he saw the questioning look in the other boy's eyes. He had said too much, revealed more than he had to anyone before, but Blaine couldn't stop himself. It was like Kurt was pulling every part of him apart, boring into his very being as he searched for answers.

"To see what Blaine? What are we not supposed to see?"" Kurt asked as he took another step, each time allowing Blaine to make the next move. If he moved forward then so would Kurt, if he backed away then he would back away too. It had to be Blaine's decision, Blaine's choice in what he does next.

The only problem was that Kurt knew he was starting to fall, fall into a place he had no idea how to escape from, a place he had been before.

_Did he really want to go back there again? Would he even survive this time?_

"Me... and Sebastian," Blaine whispered his voice filling with shame, his eyes showing the hatred he felt towards himself "No one was supposed to see, no one was supposed to know."

"Why? Why do you hide?" Kurt whispered as they stood just a hand touch away from each other. Kurt would go no further; the next step would have to come from Blaine. If he took that step then Kurt knew he had broken through the first wall of his old friend's defences, but what would he find underneath?

Blaine's breath caught in his throat as his mind raced, he wasn't expecting that, wasn't ready.

_He asked the question? How did he know the question?_

_No, that's not the question, not the full question; he needs to ask all of it._

"I... I don't..." Blaine stuttered over his words, he wasn't ready for this, he never thought any one would ask.

"Why do you hide from yourself?" Kurt watched as Blaine's eyes showed his panic inside, the turmoil he was feeling was evident, but there was also a slight, just a glimmer, of relief in there to.

Kurt wondered if anyone actually looked at Blaine, looked into his eyes. His friends eyes held everything you needed to know about him, everything he was feeling inside. This was the one place he couldn't hide from; it just needed someone to work out what the jumble of emotions that ran through him and what it all means.

Kurt watched as Blaine's eyes flickered through a serious of emotions, he suddenly realized that he had asked something important, something that his friend was fighting to answer.

_Your eyes are the windows to your soul, if you look, really look, you will see._

The words that were once whispered to Kurt swam around his mind, distant memories threatening to push through. He blocked them as he looked at the boy in front of him; this was about Blaine, not him, but Blaine.

"I... I hate what I see." Blaine's voice was so small that it was no more than a whisper. " Who I am, what I've become."

Kurt stood for a moment searching his old friends' eyes for the crack that sometimes appears, the crack where he could squeeze through. Kurt knew it was close as he felt the change in his friend's body, his shoulders slightly slouched, the fight starting to ease out of him, but then it was gone as Blaine took a sudden step back.

Just like that, in a matter of seconds, everything changed.

The whole atmosphere in the room changed, Blaine's body suddenly became stiffer, shut off as he reached inside his blazer pocket. The boy's walls visibly shot up, too high for Kurt to even attempt to climb over.

This instantly confused Kurt; he had no idea what had happened for the sudden change to appear. That's when Kurt heard the constant beeping over and over again.

Blaine fumbled with his phone, his hands starting to shake slightly as he read the message.

"I have to go." Blaine mumbled his voice heavy; he didn't even look at Kurt as he turned and walked towards the door. It was like he was trying to hide once more, Kurt wondered if Blaine knew how open his eyes were once someone took the time to see.

"Blaine, wait." Kurt ran, he reached out and grabbed Blaine's arm, he knew he should have waited until Blaine allowed him near, but he had to try and stop him.

"Don't, please." Blaine yanked his arm out of Kurt's grip as he felt it burn for the first time. He didn't want him touching him, not now, not when he had to go to _that place_.

He didn't want to think about where he was going, didn't want to soil his thoughts with that and Kurt. He needed to keep them separate, he knew that now, that way he could still have Kurt without the burn.

Kurt was helpless as he watched his old friend basically run out the room. He knew he should follow him, stop him but something still held him back. His fear of being dragged back in, into that darkness was raising its ugly head. He didn't want to run from his friend but right now he couldn't run after him either, he hated himself for allowing his own fear, of what he might find, drag him back down.

Kurt suddenly lunged for the door flinging it open, he started to walk faster down the hall. No matter how much he was fighting the instinct to run in the opposite direction, Blaine _needed _him. He had been so close to revealing his secret, no matter how hard it would be, Kurt couldn't walk away from him, couldn't turn his back on his old friend.

Kurt almost ran through the halls, through Dalton's foyer and out the main doors. There was no sign of Blaine; Kurt ran towards the front gates. Stepping out onto the grounds he looked around, searching for any sign of his friend. He breathed a sigh of relief as he just made out Blaine walking fast down the street just in the distance.

"Blaine wait!" Kurt shouted a he ran after his friend, Blaine couldn't of heard him as he turned the corner without turning around. Kurt started to sprint after him ignoring the pain that was starting to burn in his ankle, in shoulders, in his whole body.

Kurt ran to the end of the street and turned the corner just in time to see Blaine, he was standing just a little way ahead, and his back was to him. Blaine was looking at his phone, and then he looked up the street. He seemed to be waiting for something, or someone.

Kurt stopped running and stood still, unsure of what to do next. He was just about to move again, to call out when he saw a car pull up beside his friend. He watched, his forehead furrowed in confusion as Blaine climbed into the front. Kurt's mind was full of questions as he watched the vehicle speed off into the distance, taking his friend with him.

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><p><strong>AN**_** What do you think? Any idea what Blaine's secret is? Please review as it makes me write quicker :-) xx**_


	19. Chapter 19

**_A/N Sorry but no Klaine in this chapter, but they will be back soon. Not a lot to say other than this is what happens when people don't talk to each other. When people just assume they know what the other is thinking or feeling, misunderstandings happen._**

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 19<strong>

**MISUNDERSTANDINGS**

David and Wes lay on Wes' bed their backs leaning against their pillows. David had his arm wrapped around his friend's shoulders as Wes rested his head on his chest, his eyes fixed on the ceiling above him. Wes hadn't questioned the fact that David had held his hand all the way to their dorm room. When they had entered David never let go, he just led Wes over to the bed and pulled him down. He had instantly wrapped his arms around him letting his friend silently cry on his shoulder. David knew just what Wes needed without being asked. They stayed like this for a while until Wes' tears had stopped flowing.

"I broke him David" Wes whispered his voice slightly hitched from the pain and guilt he still felt inside. How could he have done that to his friend, one of his best friends even though he pushed Wes' buttons. He should have kept his cool when he had found Blaine with Sebastian, but he couldn't stand all the lying. He couldn't stand by and let Blaine go through all that crap again.

"Wes it wasn't your fault" David's voice was soft as he tried to reason with his best friend, make him understand that it wasn't his fault. Blaine obviously has a lot of problems, more than any of them had realized.

"No, I knew what it would do to him, I knew and yet I still did it. I pushed him too far." Wes could feel the tears fighting to escape from his eyes once more as his guilt got the better of him. He hated himself right now, hated how he had lost control; he was supposed to be the voice of reason not the one who lashes out.

"What do you mean?" David asked his forehead furrowing; he turned so he was now lying on his side. He moved his arm from around Wes and propped his head up with his hand. He was now looking down on his friend, his head hovering just above Wes's.

Wes sighed as he felt the loss of David's touch instantly, he didn't want to think about how much he longed for times like this where they would just lie and cuddle.

Wes turned his head slightly to look up at his best friend, the love of his life, could he tell him what he knew about Blaine? Could he trust him to keep his secret?

"He has OCD, he likes things a certain way and when they get... messed up... he doesn't cope." Wes didn't know how much he should reveal, he had promised Blaine that he would keep anything he found out to himself.

"Okay, but that's not exactly a secret, I mean everyone knows about his OCD. We all know he can get a bit tetchy if things are not put exactly right" David said matter-of-fact as he looked down at Wes. Wes sighed David really wasn't getting it, he would have to go a bit further. Wes pushed himself up slightly so he was now eye level with David.

"It's not just a matter of getting tetchy, it's more... he gets ... he gets angry, with himself." Wes paused slightly as he tried to gather his thoughts, it didn't help that David was looking at him, distracting him. He knew he shouldn't but he just couldn't help the thoughts that were developing in his mind.

"I don't understand," David edged a bit closer, whether he knew what he was doing Wes didn't know. All Wes knew was his own heart rate had just soared, and it was playing havoc with his mind and body, he was finding it hard to focus his thoughts. "Why would he get angry with himself?"

"I don't know, he just ... he just needs..." Okay Wes's brain has completely gone loopy, he could have sworn David's eyes had just slipped down to his lips.

"He just needs what Wes?" David asked when he friend stopped talking and just stared at him. His voice had dropped as he had this sudden urge to... David tried to shake the thought that had suddenly appeared in his mind, this was not the time.

"He just, he needs to feel in control, he hates ..." Wes never got to finish his sentence as his words were swallowed up by David's lips on his. It wasn't a passion filled kiss, just a touch of the lips with just enough pressure to take Wes's breath away. He instantly closed his eyes at the touch, pushing slightly back as he resisted the urge to deepen the kiss.

It didn't last long but Wes's lips tingled from the sensation as David pulled away, his eyes staying shut for a moment longer. Wes didn't want to open his eyes, to see the regret he knew that would be filling David's eyes.

"Wes?" David whispered as he waited for him to open his eyes, to at least acknowledge what had happened. David was getting worried now, he hadn't planned on kissing Wes, well not yet anyway, but watching and listening to his friend he couldn't help it. Now he was worried he had gone too far, that maybe Wes didn't want to kiss him. Maybe that's why he wouldn't open his eyes? He didn't want to hurt David by rejecting him? But no that can't be right, because Wes had kissed him back, David was sure of that.

Wes kept his eyes tightly shut, he didn't want to open them and face the reality of the situation, and he wanted to stay here where he could still feel David's lips on his. If he opened his eyes he didn't think his heart could take the rejection he knew was waiting for him.

"Wes, look at me" David tried again as he lifted his hand and gently placed it on Wes's cheek.

Wes opened his eyes but kept them turned down towards the bed. He refused to look at the boy who was about to break his heart once again. Instead he pulled away and climbed off the bed; he walked across his dorm and opened the door. He could feel David's eyes watching him, burning into him, wanting him to turn around and look at him. The only thing was, Wes couldn't, he couldn't let David see how much that kiss had meant to him, had hurt him. David had built his hopes up with that simple touch of the lips, and then knocked them down with the rejection Wes knew would be coming.

So he left, walked out, walked away from the only boy he had ever loved like nothing had happened. That was better than facing his heartache, wasn't it?

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><p><em>AN** Hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry again that there was no Klaine. So what did you think? Did you see the misunderstanding between the two boys? I think Wes has been effected more than he will admit to himself by Davids behaviour. I don't think Wes knows what to do where David is concerned, he wants more from him but doesn't actually believe it will happen. I think David has a whole lot of explaining to do if he wants his friend to listen to him. **_

_**Will the boys sort out their feelings for each other? **_

_**Who will make the first move and put their heart on the line? **_

_**The next chapter should be up soon, I was hoping to put it up today but I'm full of cold so the brain isn't working lol. I will try and update tomorrow. Please review and let me know what you think of this chapter xx**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N Hi guys finally got this chapter up, ended up re-writing it a couple of times. I hope you like it even though there is no Klaine xx**_

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><p><strong>NEVER LET ME GO<strong>

Neil sat on the bed in his and Jeff's dorm, his elbows settled on his knees as he rubbed the underside of his right wrist with his thumb. His eyes were focused on the floor in front of him, his forehead furrowed as his brain tried to make sense of what had just happened. Jeff was leaning nervously against the windowsill his back facing the window. He watched his boyfriend, well he hoped he was still was his boyfriend, his heart breaking with every moment that passed.

Jeff wasn't sure what to do, should he leave? Should he stay? He opened and shut his mouth as he tried to think of something to say, changing his mind at the last minute. His forehead creasing as he got more annoyed with himself.

_I should have just kept my mouth shut!_ Jeff chastised himself for the millionth time. Things had gotten a little out of control earlier. _Maybe it was just too much for Neil?_

"If all you are going to do is sit there and make fish faces then ... just leave. " Neil said his voice low with a hint of annoyance; he clearly wasn't in the mood for Jeff's antics."It's very distracting."

Neil never moved his eyes; they remained focused on the floor in front of him.

"Do...Do you want me to leave?" Jeff stammered, his heart started to race as he waited, he didn't know what to do for the best, and he had never been in this situation before.

Neil turned his head slowly his eyes falling upon his boyfriend; he could see how nervous Jeff was. For some reason whenever Jeff got nervous he became very still, his usual fidgeting and bouncing ceased altogether, well apart from the fish faces. It was like he froze on the spot, unable to move, unable to function in his normal way.

"No." Neil said softly as he turned his head back around, he really didn't want Jeff to leave. He still didn't know what he was going to say, it had completely taken him by surprise.

"Neil, I..." Jeff started to say as he breathed a sigh of relief, at least Neil hadn't chucked him out.

_That has to be a good sign, right?_ Jeff thought to himself as he swallowed deeply, trying to quell his nerves. He stood up and took a step towards the other boy, but Neil stopped him as he raised his hand.

"Don't, just, stay there." Neil whispered his voice breaking softly, he still refused to look at Jeff. " I just need to think."

Jeff took a step back and slowly leant back onto the windowsill, he nodded as if to say okay. He didn't trust his voice at the moment, didn't trust himself not to break down and beg Neil's forgiveness. He was going to do whatever Neil wanted, even if it meant he stayed there all night. Anything to make sure this boy didn't dump him, Jeff didn't know how he would survive if he lost this boy.

Neil placed his arm back in its original position, he started rubbing his wrist again as he thought back over the last 2 hours.

**_EARLIER_**

_**"Jeff, will you just spit it out, whatever you want to say, just say it. " Neil snapped, he was getting agitated as he watched his boyfriend pace their room, he was getting worried now. "You've been pacing for about an hour now, what the hell is going on?"**_

_**Jeff stopped in front of Neil and looked down at him, his eyebrows knitted together as he tried to figure out what to say. His mouth opened and closed as his words failed him. How the hell was he supposed to tell Neil that their relationship was based on lies and deception? He felt his whole world was about to collapse around him, his chest tightened at the thought, a sick feeling building in the pit of his stomach.**_

_**"Jeff seriously, you're really worrying me now" Neil was almost pleading now as he looked up at the blonde. His eyes filled with uncertainty, his fear of what Jeff was hiding. Jeffs heart broke at the sight before him, he watched as Neil's eyes filled with water as he tried to contain some sort of composure.**_

_**"Are you breaking up with me?" Neil asked his voice so quiet that Jeff nearly missed the question. "Did I do something wrong?"**_

_**"What?" Jeff moved quickly to sit next to his boyfriend wrapping his arms around him, he hated to think that Neil thought he had done something wrong, that he was breaking up with him. "No, don't even think that, I would never break up with you." Jeff pulled away from Neil slightly and linked their hands.**_

_**"Cause if I did I can fix it, change how I behave." Neil sounded desperate as his mind worked over time, he tried to figure out what he may have done. He looked down at their entwined hands gripping them tightly.**_

_**"Is it because we haven't ... you know?" Neil shyly indicated towards the bed a blush creeping on his cheeks. Jeff looked at him confused, he had no idea what Neil was getting at. He looked down at the bed."If you want to, you know, move things forward more, I can try."**_

_**Jeff suddenly caught on to what Neil was trying to say.**_

_**"God, Neil, babe no, it's not that. I don't care we haven't done... it yet" Jeff's eyes widened, he realized that Neil thought he was dumping him because they hadn't had sex yet.**_

_**"I know you want to, but I just... I could try" Neil started to rub the underside of his wrist with his thumb again. "I know you get... frustrated with us, with me, and we have been going out for a while. Maybe we should..." Neil shrugged his shoulders, he tried to make it sound like not such a big deal, but inside he was absolutely scared shitless at the thought of giving himself completely.**_

_**Now Jeff felt like a heel, had he been putting pressure on Neil without realizing it? Okay he may be getting frustrated, well very frustrated, but he would never dump Neil because of it.**_

_**"Babe no, I don't care if we don't have sex" Jeff instantly placed his hand gently on his boyfriend cheek pulling his face around to face him. Jeff felt like shit as he saw the anguish in the other boy's eyes, he knew Neil wasn't ready for anything like that."I will wait until you are ready, no matter how long it takes . "**_

_**Jeff smiled slightly as he tried to ease the other boy's mind, Neil looked deep into the blonde's eyes, looking for any sign that he was lying or stringing him along. Finding nothing but love and understanding he nodded, smiling slightly back as he tried to calm his nerves.**_

_**"Besides, that's why they invented masturbation." Jeff gave Neil one of his cheeky grins as he wriggled his eyebrows. **_

_**Neil's eyes flew wide and a deep blush crept all over his face at his boyfriend's words, Jeff couldn't help but laugh slightly. Neil was so cute when he blushed, and Jeff knew just how to make the boy glow.**_

_**"You ... you do that?" Neil asked his voice faltering slightly, he had no idea his boyfriend masturbated. He blushed even more when the stirrings in his body shocked him slightly at Jeff's words, pictures started to form in his mind. He had never been comfortable with that side of a relationship, but with Jeff it was different, he just had to get past his mental block. Jeff dropped his hand from the blushing boys cheek and placed it in Neil's linking their fingers so four hands were joined together.**_

_**"How the hell do you think I've survived this long with such a hot and sexy boyfriend?" Jeff said matter of fact with a smile gracing his lips, he still couldn't get over the fact that Neil didn't know how gorgeous he was.**_

_**"Shut up" Neil blushed as he shyly averted his eyes from the now grinning blonde. He never understood what Jeff ever saw in him, he knew Jeff could do a lot better than him. **_

_**Jeff always got a lot of attention from other guys, the mixture of blue eyes, blonde hair, and bubbly, confident, personality attracted a lot of attention from both sexes. Neil had been waiting for the day when Jeff would get sick of waiting for him to put out, and move on to someone who could give him what he wanted, what he needed. It had scared him more than he wanted to admit when he thought today was that day. Neil had never gotten that sort of attention, well tell a lie he did, but he never welcomed it. It always made his skin crawl, made him feel physically sick when anyone showed him that sort of interest. Apart from Jeff, he was different, Jeff was... well Jeff was just Jeff. Neil always felt safe when ever Jeff was around, even before they got together.**_

_**"I love you. "Jeff whispered as he looked down at their entwined hands his face turned serious again as he realized that he still had to tell Neil the truth. **_

_**"You know that right?" Jeff asked as he looked back up at Neil.**_

_**Neil watched the sudden change in his boyfriend, he knew something was wrong.**_

_**"Just tell me." Neil said, he tried to keep the concern he felt out of his voice, he could tell that whatever Jeff had to tell him, Jeff really didn't want to. **_

_**Jeffs eyes were filled with unshed tears as he nodded, he knew there was no going back this time, he had to come clean. He just couldn't find the words though; no matter how hard he tried he still couldn't find the words.**_

_**"Is there someone else?" Neil's voice hitched slightly at the thought of Jeff being with someone else, he looked away from Jeff not wanting to see the truth in his eyes."I would understand if there was, I know I can be ..."**_

_**"What? No there is no one else." Jeff again was taken back that Neil still didn't believe he was the only one for Jeff.**_

_**"Why do you do that?" Jeff asked the mousey haired boy, Neil turned and looked up at his boyfriend through his eyelashes. "Why do you always think I will go off with someone else cus we don't have sex? Do you really think I am that shallow?"**_

_**Jeff didn't mean to shout as he stood up from the bed, but this was one subject that really grinded on him. He had lost count the number of times this conversation had come up.**_

_**"I don't think you are shallow Jeff, I'm just saying I would understand if you wanted to look elsewhere for... relief" Neil couldn't look at the boy who was now standing in front of him, how could he get Jeff to understand that he may never be ready for that part of their relationship. **_

_**Jeff stood looking down at his boyfriend his mouth gaped open slightly, he was dumbfounded. Had Neil just gave him permission to sleep with other people?**_

_**"Let me get this right," Jeff said pointing his finger at Neil, he was upset now, he didn't want to sleep with other people. "You are giving me permission to sleep around? And you're alright with that?"**_

_**"I'm not saying that I will like it, but I know boys our age are at their highest... peak." Neil couldn't say the word, it got stuck in his mouth, his eyes looking anywhere but Jeff. "I just don't... I just don't want you to regret being with me, I don't want to hold you back from being happy."**_

_**"Oh my god you are so infuriating!" **__**Jeff threw his hands in the air as he turned away, he felt like shaking Neil until he understood, shake some sense into him.**_

_**"I don't understand why you are getting angry." Neil pointed out as he stood up, he didn't get Jeff, he was offering an open relationship, something that would suit them both.**_

_**"You don't... why I am... are you serious?" Jeff turned to face his boyfriend, his eyebrows raised in amazement. He had no idea what was going on, what was going through Neil's head to even suggest such a thing.**_

_**How the hell had they gotten to this point?**_

_**"Most boys would jump at the chance of having an open relationship" Neil didn't know why he was getting angry, maybe it was to hide what he was really feeling inside "I don't see..."**_

_**"Wait, " Jeff's eyes narrowed slightly as a thought jumped into his mind, his heart stopped as it raced through him. "Do you want to see other people? Is this what all this is about?"**_

_**"What? No!" Neil's eyes opened wide, how could Jeff think he wanted anyone but him? "I never wanted anyone but you and I never will, I just..."**_

_**"Just what?" Jeff asked not believing a word Neil was saying. "If you don't want anyone else then why bring it up? Why even suggest seeing other people?"**_

_**"Because... I just want you to be happy, to have the relationship that you want. To be with someone who can give you everything that you need and deserve." Neil shouted as his emotions overcame him."I don't know if I can ever give you that side, I don't know if I will ever be ready for sex. I know you want more I know you were trying to tell me that just now, but you are too nice to tell me. I was just trying to make it easier on you!"**_

_**Neil dropped back on the bed defeated, he hated fighting with Jeff, tears started to flow down his face. His shoulders slumped as all the fight went out of him; he was so tired of feeling, god he didn't know what he was feeling anymore. All he knew was the thought of Jeff being with someone else shattered his heart into bits, the pain bored deep within him. **_

_**Jeff looked at his boyfriend watching as the tears broke free. J**__**eff knew it wasn't really what Neil wanted, but he had no idea why he would suggest such a thing. All Jeff knew was that Neil had just revealed more in those few minutes than he had ever done before. He knew Neil had low self-esteem and sex was a big issue with him, but he never had an idea how big an issue it was. Jeff moved forward and kneeled in front of the crying boy, he tried to look into Neil's eyes but the boy kept turning away from him.**_

_**"Neil look at me." Jeff grabbed Neil's hands holding them still as Neil started to rub the underside of his wrist. He still refused to look at the blonde boy in front of him, Neil hadn't meant to say all that stuff. He was just so scared of losing his boyfriend that he would agree to anything, no matter how much it would hurt him. Jeff had done so much for him, Neil didn't think the boy even realized how much he had helped him. He just wanted Jeff to be happy, and if sleeping with other people made him happy then that's how it would be. He just felt so exposed at the moment that he didn't know what to do, he was just trying so hard to not break down completely.**_

_**"Babe please, look at me."**_

_**Neil couldn't stop himself as he turned his head, his eyes fell upon Jeff's. It shocked him slightly, they were a mirror of his own.**_

_**"I do not want anyone else, all I want is you." Jeff made sure he held Neil's hands tight, his eyes fixed on the other boys making sure he did not turn away. "I love you so much that I never thought it could even be possible. I don't care if we never have sex as long as I can still fall asleep next to you, holding you in my arms and wake up with you still there. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, okay I'm not going to deny that I want to take that next step with you, but only when or if you are ready. I do not want, or expect, you to do anything you are not completely comfortable with. I would wait a lifetime if it meant I could still hold you, still love you."**_

_**Neil's breath caught in his throat, his heartbeat quickened at his boyfriend words. He wanted so much to believe him, but he didn't know, he just never thought he was good enough for Jeff, for anyone.**_

_**Jeff could see that Neil was still unsure, he didn't understand, he was still thought Jeff would leave him one day. **_

_**Why doesn't he believe me? Jeff thoughts were racing through his mind. What do I have to do to convince him?**_

_**"Marry me"**_

_**Jeff had shocked not only Neil, but himself when the words had fallen from his lips. He hadn't exactly planned them but it was too late to take them back now, but did he even want to take them back?**_

_**Neil's eyes had widened at the other boys words, to say he was taken back was an understatement. He had literally stopped breathing for a second, as the words swam around his mind.**_

**BACK TO NOW**

"Did you mean it?" Neil asked his voice shaking slightly with uncertainty. His eyes moved to his hands, he couldn't look at Jeff fearing he would see regret in his eyes. "What you said, did you mean it?"

Jeff looked at the other boy watching as he rubbed his wrist. He had always wondered why Neil did that when he was nervous, he had asked but Neil never answered him, he would always change the subject. Usually by kissing him, Neil knew that Jeff lost all ability of thought when he kissed him.

"Yes." Jeff said without hesitation, he had already come to the realization that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this boy. He had gone over his own words and how he felt, imagining different scenarios. How he would feel if Neil was not in his life? His heart had almost stopped when he thought of never waking up next to this boy. The shy, and uncertain boy who had stolen his heart, so that was never going to be an option.

"Even if I can't give you... sex?" Neil looked over at his boyfriend; he needed Jeff to understand that that side of their relationship may never happen.

"Neil Davies" Jeff started to walk over towards the other boy; his steps were small but determined. He kept his eyes fixed on Neil as he watched him, Jeff could feel Neil trying to see deep within his soul."You are the love of my life; my heart literally stops when I think of never having you next to me." Jeff came to a stop in front of Neil, their eyes never left each other as Jeff kneeled before him.

"There is only one cure for that, and that is..."

Jeff leaned in and kissed Neil hard on the lips, taking a chance that he had read the signs right. His heart soared as Neil returned the kiss. Jeff's hand rested gently on the side of Neil's cheek, he pulled away slightly resting his forehead on the other boys.

"I would masturbate the rest of my life if it meant I could at least Kiss you anytime I want." Jeff couldn't help the smile that crept on his lips as he felt Neil's intake of breath at his words.

"Jerk." Neil whispered, although there was a hint of playfulness there.

"Is that a Yes?" Jeff asked pulling away just far enough so he could see his boyfriends eyes looking at him.

Neil was still unsure as to why Jeff could ever love him, but he was sure of one thing. Jeff was his soul mate, he loved him more than life itself, and even one minute spent away from the blonde boy was too long.

"Yes."Neil only just managed to get his answer out before Jeff's lips were firmly fixed back on his.

Obviously Jeff was going to take full advantage of being able to kiss his boyfriend, no fiancé, whenever he liked. So he might as well go on as he means to, starting now, he was going to kiss his fiance any time he liked and was never letting him go.

As he kissed the other boy hard and deep, Jeff totally forgot about what he wanted to tell Neil, he got lost in the feel of his fiancé's lips on his. He was enjoying the way Neil fingers started to card their way through his short hair, pulling gently. Jeff let Neil pull him down on to the bed, he made sure he landed gently on top of the boy, he didn't want to startle him.

He knew he would have to tell Neil eventually, but he was enjoying himself too much to worry about that right now, it could wait until another day.

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><p><em><strong>AN Well I hope you liked this chapter, I know there was no Klaine but they will be back. I hope this chapter gave you a little insight into Neils character, he plays a role in why Blaine behaves the way he does. Things will become clearer as we see a part of Blaines life outside of Dalton, that is coming up in 2 chapters. Blaine life is very complicated, he tries to keep each section seperate, making sure they don't entwine together. But will they stay that way or will a certain coiffered haired boy squeeze his way into each section of Blaines life.**_

_**Please review and let me know your thoughts xx**_


	21. Chapter 21

_**A/N Hi everyone this is the next chapter in this story, sorry no Blaine but Kurt is in this one. Blaine is back in the next chapter and hopefully I can update this weekend. Please leave a review ass it always makes me write quicker. :-)**_

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><p><strong>A Plan Is Formed<strong>

Kurt walked into the canteen ignoring the pain that was beginning to grow in his ankle. He knew he should take his medication, but he needed to find the others first. He was an expert at masking not jut his emotional pain but his physical too. A trick he had learned while he was at his old school while dealing with his "issues", as he called them.

He scanned the canteen looking for the familiar faces, his eyes landing on them, he moved swiftly across the room. As he moved closer he couldn't help but notice a change in the dynamics of the group. There wasn't much difference between Jeff and Neil, Jeff was seated so close to Neil that he was practically sitting in the boy's lap. Neil seemed to protest, complaining that he couldn't eat his food as Jeff's body restricted his movements. Jeff would just grin and steal a quick kiss from the other boy before offering to feed him, causing Neil to blush and give a shy smile rolling his eyes as he took the food.

The main difference was that they seemed content, Kurt couldn't put his fingers on it but something had changed. Mind you the way the two boys seemed to gravitate towards each other, Jeff needing to make sure at least some part of his body was touching Neil, and Neil welcoming it, although he did protest, fascinated Kurt.

The difference that really had Kurt's attention was, Wes and David. Although they were sitting next to each other they seemed to be on opposite ends of the canteen, it was like a canyon had appeared between them. Kurt thought that maybe it was because of what happened with Blaine, but a sixth sense told him it was more than that. Something had happened between the two boys that neither seemed to be acknowledging. Kurt had gotten good at reading peoples body language, it was what had kept him sane over the years.

He pushed his thoughts away as he reached the table; he had to focus his attention on Blaine right now.

"Hey Kurt!" Jeff said as he noticed Kurt appear by their table. Everyone looked up, they watched as Kurt sat cautiously down. As much as his ankle was hurting him, his back was starting to twinge too.

He really should take his medication Kurt thought to himself, but made no move to get them.

Jeff gave him a questioning look as he watched his friend slide into his chair. Kurt gave him a small smile to reassure the other boy; he knew that Finn had given Jeff the heads up.

"How's Blaine?" Jeff asked straight away before anyone else had a chance. He wasn't totally convinced that Kurt was okay, Finn had told him Kurt was good at hiding things, but he had decided to go with it. He would ring Finn later and fill him in. "Is he okay?"

The other 3 boys looked at Jeff; it took them by surprise that Jeff was showing any concern for the boy who had made his life hell over the past year and half.

"What?" Jeff asked as he saw the questioning looks on the other boy's faces.

"I thought you hated Blaine?" Neil asked his boyfriend, sorry fiancé, a questioning look on his face when Jeff looked as though a deer caught in headlights.

"Well, it's obvious he has issues, you know about being gay," Jeff hurriedly tried to explain his sudden interest in Blaine's well being. "And if he's screwing Bastian, then he needs all the support he can get." Jeff gave a small smile; even he knew it was a lame excuse.

"Right!" Was all Neil said, obviously he wasn't convinced, there were cracks starting to appear in his boyfriends supposedly falling out with Blaine. Neil couldn't put his finger on it but something was very off.

"So... how is Blaine?" Wes asked cautiously, he wasn't sure if Kurt would be angry with him after earlier.

Kurt turned his attention to Wes; he noticed that there was a uncertainty, or was that fear to his question. He obviously still felt guilty over what happened in the room after Jeff and Neil had left.

"Oh it speaks."

Everyone turned their attention to David who was still staring down at his plate, pushing his food around it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Wes asked a touch of annoyance was in his voice, he turned his head towards his roommate.

David turned his head and looked at his Asian friend, for a moment he just stared at Wes; it was like he was searching for something. He opened his mouth, as though he was going to say something, but then closed it again changing his mind.

"Nothing." David mumbled as he turned his head away looking back down at his plate.

Wes looked at his friend, his own disappointment showed on his face. He pushed away the pain that was starting to appear again from earlier. He didn't know what he was expecting from David, what he hoped he would say, no tell a lie, he did.

"Look I don't know what's going on with you guys."

Wes turned to face Jeff; it took a lot of effort to take his eyes off the boy he loved. From 'The Look' on the blondes face Wes knew he had picked up on the obvious tension between himself and David.

"You've both been in a funny mood since you got here, but we need to focus on Blaine."

Wes suddenly felt guilty at the mention of his friend's name. He still hated himself after what happened earlier. He averted his eyes and took a deep breath, Jeff was right; their focus should be on their friend, anything else can wait.

"You're right" Wes looked up at his friends. "Blaine comes first, Kurt how is he?"

Kurt took a moment to focus his brain, he had lost his train of thought as he listened and watched the others. Kurt took a moment before he spoke, he didn't know how much he should say, but if he and the others were going to help Blaine he had to be honest with them.

"Not good, it took a while to settle him down ..."

"_Shit I knew it, fuck it; I knew I went too far."_ Wes berated himself, interrupting Kurt as he felt the guilt shoot through him.

_"Fuck!"_ He buried his head in his hands willing himself not to cry.

"Hey stop it, we talked about this it's not your fault Wes." David placed his arm around his friend Wes leaned right into it.

Kurt noticed that despite whatever was going on between the two boys, they still gravitated towards each other, finding comfort in each other.

Kurt wandered if they realized just how much they meant to each other as he watched David trying to calm Wes down. He placed a soft kiss to the side of Wes's head, which Wes once again leaned into.

"What happened? He was fine before we left, well not good after being caught with that ass of a slime ball, but he was okay." Jeff was confused as to what could have happened after they had left.

"Don't call him that Jeff!" Neil chastised his boyfriend, no fiancé. "No matter what we think of Sebastian, Blaine obviously likes him, maybe even loves him. He might not be anyones obvious choice, but maybe Blaine sees something we don't."

"Sebastian doesn't do love, he does _fuck buddies_, and if Blaine is tapping that he must have a screw loose."

"_You don't know anything Jeff so shut the fuck up_!" Wes snapped at the blonde taking everyone by surprise. "You have _no_ idea what's going on between Blaine and Sebastian."

"_What the fuck you having a go at me for, I'm just saying..."_

"He's gone guys!" Kurt shouted as he stood up, shutting the others up instantly, well the whole canteen actually as every eye turned towards their table.

Kurt shrunk back into his seat as everyone started to whisper, staring at him. He hadn't meant to shout that loudly, but the squabbling was getting on his nerves. It was like being back at his old school, and they needed to focus aback on the problem at hand, Blaine. He couldn't care less if Blaine was messing with this Sebastian kid, well he did but he didn't want to admit it to himself, all he cared about was finding his friend.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Wes asked leaning in, his voice was low so no one other than the people at their table could hear him. That is the last thing they needed to broadcast was the fact that Blaine had disappeared again.

"We were talking, then he just left." Kurt said he didn't know how much he should reveal, he still wasn't sure if he could really trust his new friends. He knew these guys were different from the others he had encountered, but he still had some trust issues he was working through.

"What, you got him to open up? What did he say?" Wes asked he couldn't hide the fact that he was a little curious as to how Kurt had got Blaine to talk, if not a little jealous.

He had tried so many different ways to get his friend to confide in him, but none had worked. Then Kurt came along and within a couple of weeks Blaine was starting to open up. He knew he shouldn't have these feelings, he was glad Blaine was talking, but he couldn't help it.

"Nothing really, but I think he wanted to." Kurt knew he couldn't hold back, these guys were Blaine's friends, even Jeff. Yea they had argued constantly since Kurt had arrived, but earlier Jeff had seemed genuinely concerned about Blaine.

"Okay, but he left, just walked out?" David asked before Wes bombarded Kurt with questions, he could see that his friend was struggling slightly. He knew Wes was desperate to learn what Kurt and Blaine had talked about. After seeing the way his friend had lost it earlier he decided to take over.

"Well, he got a text, then he left..."

"Where did he go?" Jeff asked Kurt his forehead creased slightly out of concern. "Did you go after him?"

Kurt looked at the boys as they waited for his answer; he really didn't want to admit that he had frozen and thought about walking away from Blaine.

"Yea, he left school and got into a car." Kurt left out the part where he had chased after Blaine, fearing that he had lost him.

"A car? What sort of car? Who was driving?" Wes started bombarding Kurt with questions, Kurt started to panic he didn't have the answers. Why didn't he have the answers?

"I don't know, it was a black car, I couldn't see the number plate it was too far away," Kurt said he felt guilty, if he hadn't of paused he might of been able to stop Blaine from leaving. "There were two people in the front, but I couldn't see their faces. "

"Isn't he banned from leaving school?" Neil pointed out, as much as Blaine had given him a hard time, he knew that coming to terms that you were gay was hard for some people. Maybe Blaine just needed friends who cared about him.

"Yes he is, that's why we are going to try and find him and bring him back." Wes said with determination. He was going to help Blaine even if the boy didn't want it.

He stood up and started to walk towards the canteen door followed closely by the others. He stopped abruptly as a body literally jumped in front of him. Wes cowered at the boy in front of him, he was in no mood for Dexter's games.

"Is everything okay boys?" Dexter asked as he looked at each boy.

"Yes everything is fine Dexter." Wes grounded out through gritted teeth, he really didn't like this boy, he made his skin crawl.

"Just that I noticed Kurt's little outburst and I was kind of worried." Dexter smiled at the slightly taller boy making Kurt uncomfortable as he felt his eye run his body. "You alright, Kurt?"

"Leave him alone Dexter and yes everything is fine." Jeff said as he grabbed Kurt's hand and pushed past Wes and David dragging Kurt and Neil with him. He didn't know why he had done that, all he knew is that as soon as Dexter had appeared Neil had gripped his hand tighter. He had felt this sudden urge to protect, not only Neil, but Kurt as well, so he had grabbed Kurt's hand taking the other boy by surprise.

"Yea , what he said." Wes replied to the questioning look Dexter was giving them, he grabbed David's hand and pulled him, their previous discomfort between them forgotten as David let himself be led out.

Dexter watched them go his forehead creasing, he reached for his phone.

"We may have a little problem," He said into the phone as he began to follow the group of lads. "Redwood wasn't exactly careful, he was seen."

Dexter listened intently to the voice on the other end; a small smile appeared on his face.

"Yea okay, I'm on to it." He placed his phone back into his pocket; keeping a safe distance he followed the lads into the courtyard and out of the school.

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><p><strong><em>AN Well it looks like Dexter is going to put a spanner in the lads plan to help Blaine. I Wander who he was talking to on the phone? And incase you missed it Blaine is Redrow. This will be explained in later chapters, as well as why Neil is called Wallflower._**

**_As always please review and I will try and get the next chapter up as soon as as I can . xx_**


	22. Chapter 22

Hi everyone, I am so sorry i have not updated in a YEAR! Omg I had not realised it had been that long. My life has had such a big upheaval, I will not bore you with the details, and things spiralled out of control for a bit. I am doing better now and I have started to write the next few chapters in this story. I have 3 chapters already written but I just need to go over them a bit more. I must apologise again as I feel I have let you all down and kept you all hanging for too long. I will make sure I upload the new chapters this week and then it will be weekly after that. I hope you are all doing well and will forgive me for leaving you all for so long. I may end up re-writing some of the chapters before I update as the story doesn't flow as well as I would have liked. Please bear with me as I make these changes, I will let you know when they are done before I post up the new chapters.

Sorry once more xx


	23. Chapter 23

**FALLING APART**

Blaine sat in the back of the car he glanced over at the two men in the front. He sighed to himself as he watched them talking and laughing. It was like they didn't have a care in the world. Blaine wandered how they could be so indifferent, even though they knew where they were taking him, knew what would happen. They never spoke to him, never acknowledged him; they just picked him up, chatted between themselves, dropped him off then came back for him. It was like he wasn't even there; he was invisible. Sometimes he wished the other bloke would pick him up. Okay he tended to leer at Blaine, making inappropriate comments as his eyes raked over his Dalton uniform, but at least he wasn't invisible, at least he felt like someone _noticed_ him.

_Your friends notice you!_ The little voice inside Blaine's head chastised him.

He allowed his mind to wander to the guys at Dalton, picturing their faces, hearing their banter, their laughter. It brought a small smile to his face, but then his mind decided to torture him as it drifted to Kurt. Not the Kurt he knew from before, but the Kurt now, the perfect, beautiful Kurt that had come back into his life. He felt his heart tug at the thought of the boy, his smile faltering as the pain started to grow inside of him.

_No not Kurt not now_, he couldn't think of him now, not where he was going, he had a job to do and nothing could get in the way. He tried to push all thoughts of the boy from his mind. It was no use though; no matter how much he tried Kurt was there, he was_ always_ there. Even in his darkest hour, when he found it difficult to climb out of the abyss that was his life, Kurt was the one to pull him through. He may not have been there in body over the years, but he was always there, _always _in Blaine's thoughts.

There was so many times that Blaine had been tempted to just escape and run to _his_ Kurt. He had lost count the number of times he had stood at the bus stop, not knowing which direction to go, but wanting to _just go_ so much. Then he would remember that Kurt had left him, just like everyone else had. The time that he needed his best friend, the boy he had loved from the first moment (even though he had no idea what love was back then), Kurt had walked away without even a goodbye.

When he had found out about his father, what he had done, when his mother had just walked away from him after he had told her, that was when he had given up all hope of finding _his_ Kurt. He had lost faith, he had been broken, and the only one to catch him was _Sebastian_.

Blaine's heart and mind darkened at the mere thought of the other boy, his body had become heavy and weary. Sebastian had shown him that the only person he could rely on was_ himself_; the only person he could trust was the one starring back at him from the mirror.

Sebastian had been there the first night it had all started, provided him with the release, he had given Blaine the box. From that moment his life had spiralled out of control, sucked into the black hole it had become today. He didn't realise until it was too late, before he was in too deep that Sebastian had manipulated him, turned him into the person he was now. If only he had known back then, if he had just seen through all the lies that the other boy had dealt him, things could have been so different.

It was his own fault though, no one was to blame but _himself, _not even Sebastian, he had made all his own choices. He had tried so many times to escape, to run, but he was always dragged back.

The nights were the worse, during the day he could build his walls as high as he wanted. Protect himself from being hurt, or hurting other people by not allowing them to get too close. He could control what happens to him or those around him, but the night, he has no control in the night. The night is when the demons appear, the night is when there is no escape. The only problem is, that since the beginning of the new school year, since the arrival of Kurt, his demons were everywhere, and he couldn't escape them.

He should hate Kurt, hate the fact that Kurt had brought out all his inner demons, made him feel, but he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't hate his Kurt. Kurt had appeared at the time when Blaine was at his lowest and had given up, at a time when he was ready to move on.

He had no idea why Kurt had just appeared at Dalton, he knew something had happened at his old school from the little that Wes had told him. Kurt seemed just as surprised as Blaine had been when their eyes had locked for the first time. Blaine had wanted nothing more than to just run and fall into his old friend's arms, breath in the scent that he had missed so much, but he couldn't.

It was too late, Kurt had come too late, he had left it too long, and the decision had been made. No matter what Blaine may be feeling now, what pull he may be having towards the other boy, what he wanted was never an option. Sebastian had made that clear on that day, he had seen it in his eyes as he had looked at Kurt. When they had all disappeared, well when Blaine had chased them all from his room, Sebastian had made sure that Blaine knew who and where he belonged. Blaine knew he had no choice but to make sure Kurt stayed as far away from him as possible, but it seemed the mousey brown haired boy, with the piercing blue eyes, had other ideas.

Blaine's mind drifted back to that first day. He _hated_ the way he had behaved, hated showing Kurt that side of him. He saw the hope, then the hurt and confusion that were written all over his old friends face, and the unshed tears in Kurt's eyes.

_Those eyes_, Blaine could get lost in those eyes; he always had even back then. Every time he used to look in them nothing else mattered, everything just melted away, and it was just the two of them left in this world. That's why it had hurt so badly when Kurt left, there was no more escape for Blaine, no shelter for him.

Now Kurt was back and it was like before, but not like before, because Blaine was beyond help. Blaine was broken beyond repair, but that didn't stop his old friend from trying.

Kurt always knew what he wanted, what he needed without being asked. Blaine could feel himself being pulled back into the safety of his old friend, but Blaine couldn't allow that. Though he had come _so close_ last night, he had almost made that step. Lying next to the other boy, caring for him after his attack, he had wanted to feel whole, to feel _normal_, but then Kurt had left _again._

Blaine had wanted _so much_ to wake up next to the boy, but Kurt had disappeared. He couldn't handle it; handle the feelings and thoughts running through him, so he had _run._ He hadn't intentionally gone looking for a fight, but he had had an argument with his supplier. At least he had let go of most of his frustrations, he hadn't even cared when Mandy had turned up. She was a cop who was seeing his brother, well i think they are still together, things had become strained between them when Blaine had started getting into deeper trouble.

_God Cooper,_ _why did he have to turn up today? Why couldn't he just have stayed away like he had told him to?_

The truth was though, he had missed his brother. He may still have been angry with the older Anderson, but he missed him more than he had realised. The only problem was he couldn't let Cooper see what his younger brother had become.

_So why did you tell him about your father? _The voice questioned him. _You knew he would go and have it out with him, confront him?_

The truth was Blaine didn't really have an answer, he was so tired, tired of his life, tired of fighting, of running. Something was pulling at him, trying to drag his demons to the surface, making him face them. He didn't know Kurt was there until Cooper had walked away, he could feel the energy radiating from the other boy. Then he saw Sebastian standing just behind Kurt, he let his eye fall between them and that was when Blaine had understood why he had told his brother, Kurt.

Kurt was the reason he was falling apart again, why he fell apart in his room after, not Wes, not because he had been caught with Sebastian. Okay the fact he had been caught with Sebastian, the fact Kurt and the others had seen him, seen through one of his lies had made him panic. He had never intended on any one seeing him in that position.

He didn't care that everyone had found out he was actually gay, even after the hard time he had given them, but seeing him fucking someone like that, desperate, angry, aggressive, hurting them even though Sebastian was enjoying it. That had made him panic, made him feel ashamed. No one was supposed to see that side of him, he hated that side of him more than he hated Sebastian, this side of him was only ever shown to Sebastian. But now they had seen, Kurt had seen. The look on his old friends face clouded his mind, the pain he saw in those blue eyes burned him.

In his room Blaine had felt Kurt's eyes upon him, watching him; it was like he was trying to bore into his very soul. Call him out on all his lies like he could see right through him. He couldn't stand it, couldn't cope, he needed to ground himself so he had tried to tune everyone out, focus on his heartbeat as it sped out of control. The taping the turning of his stuff, it was all supposed to calm him, help him escape the excuse of a life he was living.

The only problem was it wasn't working, he could still hear Kurt even though he spoke no words. Then Wes had knocked all his stuff, he had never done that before, he had always walked away. Blaine knew he had pushed his friend to the limit, disappointed him far too much. Blaine was so afraid that he was going to lose Wes; that he would just give up on him and walk away. He had never seen him so angry before.

Blaine hadn't known what to do, how to make things okay again, he couldn't escape, couldn't calm the voices screaming inside his head. His heart was beating too fast as it tried to break free from the confines of his rib cage; he could feel the beating in his ears drowning out everything else.

Then Wes had tried to touch him, tried to help him, calm him, but Blaine couldn't let him. He didn't deserve his forgiveness, his kindness, it just burned too much. He hated the way he had hurt his friend, let him down again. He was on an emotional rollercoaster and he could feel his walls collapsing all around him, he couldn't keep them up, it was too fast as the bricks fell away.

Then Kurt was there, touching him, guiding, helping him, and calming him. Blaine felt himself reaching out for him, gripping him, holding him as tight as was possible, because it didn't burn. Blaine didn't understand, Kurt didn't burn him it just tingled.

He had nearly told Kurt everything earlier, his walls were so far down that he wanted to so much, but then he had gotten that stupid text. That text had brought him back to the real world, the world without Kurt, without his friends. So he had left, walked out, but he had walked much slower than he would normally. He was secretly hoping Kurt would follow him, stop him, but he hadn't.

Maybe he was waiting for that one person that would care enough to catch him in his lies? They had come close, but just not close enough, he had always been able to cover up anything that he may have let slip.

Blaine was suddenly abruptly brought back to reality as he nearly fell out the car door. He began to frantically look around him, momentarily forgetting where he was; his eyes fell up on the familiar face at the open door. It took him a moment to register the person before him, but then it all fell back into place. He turned to face the two guys in the front, they were still sitting and talking, their laughter stung his ears as they waited for him to leave the car. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't realised that they had stopped and arrived at their destination.

"Sir" The man said as he moved his hand to indicate that Blaine should exit the car. Blaine looked up at the man, his face impassive. He let his eye fall onto the men in the car, they were still oblivious to him, he was still invisible.

Blaine slipped off his seat belt and climbed out, he straightened his jacket before nodding hello at the man.

Blaine walked towards the doors of the hotel, he paused as he watched the doors turn, people exiting and entering. This was something he needed to do every time he came here, it helped him cope, stopped him from having a panic attack. He had been punished the last time it happened because it had attracted too much attention.

"Are you okay sir?" The doorman asked as he came to stand next to him, his voice low so only Blaine could hear him. Blaine just nodded as he kept his eyes fixed on the door, he couldn't lose count otherwise he would have to start all over again. It was getting harder each time and he could feel the beginnings of the tightness in his chest, his breath shaking slightly as it escaped between his lips.

"Are you visiting someone here?"

_What's with all the questions?_ Blaine thought to himself his eye trained on the doors, 10, 11, 12. _He knew he wasn't supposed to talk to him?_ He was _invisible_, _always invisible._

13, 14, 15, 16

"Sir?" The doorman put a hand on Blaine's shoulder making him jump slightly. Blaine turned to look at the man taken a back slightly by the concerned look on his face. He had never looked at him like that before, never shown an ounce of concern for his well being.

_So why start now?_ Blaine thought to himself, but as Blaine starred at the guy he noticed the subtle differences. His features were the same but his hair was slightly longer, his eyebrows were not as bushy as they normally were. His build was slightly bigger than usual, his shoulders broader. The main difference was the eyes, his eyes were blue with a hint of grey and... _Warm? Concerned? friendly?_

Didn't they used to be brown, cold and hard? Hateful?

Blaine was confused, this was a different guy, he looked the same but not the same. Blaine decided he was starting to lose his mind; it had been a long emotional day so his brain must be playing a trick on him.

Seeing things that were not there, but he secretly hoped were there.

Blaine shook his head slightly as he tried to clear his mind, he let his eyes fall away.

"I'm fine, thank you" Blaine whispered nervously before stepping through the swinging doors, he knew he shouldn't look back but he couldn't help it. In all these years no one here had ever asked if he was okay, no one had even acknowledged him.

It startled him slightly as he noticed the doorman was still looking at him, he could read the questioning look in his eyes. Blaine swallowed as he held his gaze for a moment, he could feel the tightness in his chest, felt his pulse quickening. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, but not a bad wrong which really confused him.

He closed his eyes and then he turned and walked into the lobby of the hotel.

Blaine walked across the foyer, he glanced over towards the desk making eye contact with the concierge there, and then he turned back and headed towards the lift. He didn't need to look to know the man had picked up the phone, he could feel his eyes on him as he walked. It was the same every time he came; he had made the mistake the first time of actually going up and asking him where he had to go.

That day when he got back to Dalton was when Wes had found him in his bathroom, covered in blood from a cut on his eyebrow and a split lip. He had never seen his friend so scared for him, when he had told him Sebastian had done it he went mental. He asked so many questions that Blaine couldn't answer because of the shame he was feeling. That was the day he decided to keep as much from his friend as possible, protect him, he hated seeing Wes that upset because of him.

Blaine pressed the button and waited a few seconds, he heard the beep and the doors to the lift opened. Blaine stepped in and turned around as the doors started to slide together. He reached out his finger and pressed the top button, the pent house.

Blaine stood silently watching the lights move up the numbers, he started to count each number silently. Each number taking him closer to his shame, each number closed a part of his heart and mind until it was fully closed.

The lift came to a sudden stop and the doors slid open, he straightened his blazer and pulled slightly on his tie, then he stepped out into the hallway.

When he had first stepped out he had marvelled at the decor, he had never been in anything this amazing before. His eyes had widened at the marble floor and walls, potted plants lined the way tall and shiny. Blaine had wandered if they were real or not, but had never dared to touch them, fear of making the leaves unclean. Now he never gave the place a second glance, everything looked dingy and dirty, unclean to him now, even though it remained the same.

Walking with steady footsteps he made his way across the floor into the living room. He allowed his mind to wander, escaping anywhere but here.

"You're late."

Blaine jumped slightly, his eyes fell upon the man seated on the sofa in front of him. He had been so lost in his escape that he never clocked him until he had spoken.

He was a dark haired man with a slight build, not tall but maybe average height. He was always well dressed in a dark suit and a red shirt, never a tie. The man was well spoken, he never raised his voice or used foul language, and he didn't need to. Just by the tone of his voice and the way he carried himself, people never questioned him, there was just something about him that people feared.

"S...Sorry sir" Blaine stammered his eyes falling to the floor; he joined his hands together behind his back. His thumb found the underside of his wrist and he started to stroke it in a gentle circle. Instantly the motion started to calm him, well as much as he could calm himself being here.

"Time is money Mr Anderson." The bloke's deep voice sounded through the room, vibrating through Blaine's body, burning him to his very core.

"Yes sir." Blaine walked past the man, his eyes firmly on the floor; he headed towards the door at the back. His hand paused slightly on the handle he could feel the man's eyes boring into him. He felt himself shudder slightly, the man had never watched him before, and normally he would just sit there silently, maybe reading a paper.

What the hell is going on? Blaine thought to himself as he remembered the look on the face of the doorman, the fact that he had spoken to Blaine too. Blaine shook his head; he was over thinking things, seeing things that were obviously not there. His brain was definitely a bit haywire today with all the upheavals he's had to deal with.

Blaine closed his eyes 1 more week, Blaine murmured to himself.

"Everything okay Redrow?" The man's voice pierced through his ear, echoing around his head.

Blaine jumped once more his eyes flying open wide; he looked up at the taller bloke beside him. The man seemed a lot bigger, more intimidating when he was this close into Blaine's personnel space.

When had he gotten so close? Was Blaine so out of it that he was slowly losing all reality around him?

Blaine took a small step to the side his eyes falling onto the door handle, his hand hovering just out of reach of it. He couldn't breathe with this looming man so close to him.

"I...I'm fine." Blaine couldn't hide the shaking in his voice, the nervousness that was growing inside of him.

Blaine's hand fell onto the handle and turned it, he pushed the door open and walked through closing it behind him.

In the middle of the room was a king size oak bed with deep purple silk covers, big soft pillows were arranged at the top. Blaine always thought they were too big for the bed, but then he was no interior designer. Wooden post were attached to each corner, Blaine hated those posts hated what they signified, hated the feel of them.

He cast his eyes around the room, his eyes falling onto the large window on the other side. He walked over slowly, each step getting heavier and heavier as the window drew closer.

He came to a stop in front of it, the sun always seemed brighter here, even on the coldest day. He looked out of the clear glass and watched the world pass by for a moment. He slowly lifted his hands hid fingers reaching out for the cord on each side. His eyes still trained on the oblivious world outside he grabbed the ties and pulled the slightly, letting the cloth fall before him, blocking out the world outside and covering the room in darkness.

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><p><em><strong>AN** _I've decided to put this chapter up now, I hope its okay as it's been a while, hope there are not too many mistakes. This should give you more of an insight as to what secrets Blaine is hiding from his friends. One of them finds out sooner than he had planned and he has to deal with their reaction to it, which was not what he had expected. Hoping to post more chapters this week, see you all soon xx


	24. Chapter 24

**THE BEGINNING OF THE END**

"So what do we do now?" Jeff asked as they walked back through the Dalton doors.

"I don't know!" Wes mumbled frustrated as their search for Blaine was unsuccessful.

"But we've got do something?" Jeff all but whined his forehead furrowed as Wes kept walking, his frustration at the fact the Asian boy had practically ordered them back to the school. He didn't understand why they were giving up, why Wes was giving up. Wasn't he supposed to be Blaine's best friend, supposed to be looking out for him?

"Jeff just leave it, there's nothing..." Neil tried to calm his boyfriend down; he could see Jeff was beginning to lose it.

"No we can't just give up, we have to get out there and _keep looking!"_ Jeff shook off Neil's hand that he had placed on Jeff's arm; he ignored the hurt look on his boyfriends face. Jeff grabbed Wes's arm pulling him to a stop, making the others bump into them. Wes yanked his arm out of the blondes hand and turned to face him.

_"What would you have me do Jeff_?" Wes growled as he tried very hard not lose his temper and yell at the blonde.

"Keep searching... Keep trying!" Jeff snapped, he couldn't believe that Wes was just not going to keep looking. "If the Dean finds out he left the premises again they will kick him out!"

" Jeff this is not the place for this..." David tried to interject, this was a quickly building into a full out argument. He knew that if these two carried on the Dean would find out about Blaine any way, but he was interrupted by Wes.

_"Don't you think I know that?"_ Wes getting pissed off with but he couldn't hide the worry that came over him. "But what do you expect me to do. We've searched nearly everywhere; he won't answer his damn phone..."

"Well maybe if you hadn't gone off on him he wouldn't off run off!" Jeff snapped letting out all his frustrations, anger and guilt spill out through his words. He knew it wasn't fair to throw that back in Wes's face, he knew how guilty the Asian boy felt about that, but he was so damn worried about Blaine, the thought that his friend could get thrown out of Dalton scared the hell out of him. Whatever was going on with Blaine would only get worse if he didn't have his friends around him, even if they had to keep their friendship secret for now.

Everyone fell silent their eyes wide from how strong Jeff's words had came out. Jeff even shocked himself; he immediately regretted his words when he saw the face of his friend fall, the guilt he couldn't hide was all over his face.

"Wes, mate, I'm sorry, I didn't..." Jeff tried to apologies, but Wes just cut him off pointing his finger in the blondes face.

"_This is not my fault!"_ Wes couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice, his eyes holding the unshed tears that were threatening to fall, making Jeff feel so much worse.

"_If anything this is your fault!"_ Wes continued pointing his finger at Jeff who stood there gobsmacked at Wes's words. _"I mean why the hell are you even helping? You hate the guy? Where the hell have you been the past year while your best friend was fucking up his life? Why do you even care you?"_

"_I care!"_ Jeff shouted back, "_Okay, we may not see eye to eye at the moment but that doesn't mean I want to see him mess up his life!"_

"Come on you two enough, don't do this here!" David tried to reason with the two boys, he placed a hand on Wes's chest as he tried to put some space between the two of them, but Wes ignored him and pushed his hand away causing David to sigh deeply running his hand over his head.

"_Really, well you could have fooled me_!" Wes said sarcastically. "What exactly did happen between you two anyway? One minute you're the best of friends and the next you hate each other! You've been at each other's throats ever since you and Neil got together. Why is that?"

"_That's none of your damned business, that's between me and Blaine!" Jeff_ spat back, he knew Wes was just lashing out because he was worried about Blaine, but the other boy had no idea that he was still friends with Blaine, that he had tried to get him to open up. He hated the fact that he couldn't tell anyone that he had been trying to help, that he hadn't abandoned his best friend.

"_Really, well it effects all of us because we have to listen to you go at each other every 5 damned minutes. So I think we have a write to kn..."_ Wes stumbled back his eyes wide as he felt Jeff push past him, their argument forgotten_. "Hey? There's no need to get physical!"_

"_Where the hell have you been?"_ Jeff snapped as his eyes fell upon the person that was standing just to the back of Wes.

Wes spun around and came face to face with the boy they had just been arguing about. Their eyes locked on each other and Wes couldn't help but feel relief when he saw Blaine was safe, even though he was royally pissed at him.

"_Jesus Blaine_ we've been looking everywhere for you!" David came forward a mixture of worry and anger in his voice.

"Why?" Blaine asked as he finally managed to pull his eyes from Wes's, although he could still feel them on him. He had witnessed the argument between his two best friends and it had ripped at his gut making him feel sick inside. It was his fault that they were arguing, his fault that Jeff was getting the brunt of Wes's frustrations..

"Why? Kurt said you were upset and you ran off, got in the back of some car..." Jeff started to say his forehead creasing from his confusion. Blaine searched the group of lads, his eyes falling on the boy at the back.

"Well Kurt was wrong, I never left the building." Blaine kept his eyes on Kurt, the anger showed on his face. Not at Kurt, but at himself for being so stupid, he had nearly got caught. Kurt flinched slightly as he thought the anger was directed at him.

"I...I was worried about you." Kurt stuttered, he wasn't scared of Blaine, not anymore, especially after seeing him earlier. Just old habits don't just disappear, they linger in the background.

Blaine felt his resolve weaken, Kurt was worried, and these guys had been searching for him for hours because they were worried about him, cared about him. He wanted so much to tell them everything, to let them help him. His eyes fell on each of the boys in front of them, finally landing on Neil. The reason he was doing all this.

Neil frowned as his eyes met Blaine, the boy who had shown on more than one occasion the dislike he had for Neil. Neil was feeling conflicted, he had been worried about the other boy just as much as the others even though Blaine had made his life hell since he had got with Jeff. He had always felt it was his fault the two friends had fallen out even though he had no idea why. He was also confused by the way the other boy was staring at him; Blaine was looking at him with sadness in his eyes.

Blaine looked away, he couldn't take it anymore. He looked at his friend, the one who had been there for the past year, fighting his corner. Wes saw the resolve breaking in the boy before him; he knew it was now or never, there was a window, a crack that if he could just squeeze through he might be able to pull his friend back with him.

"Blaine, I..." Wes took a step towards his friend, his hand reaching slightly for the boy in front of him.

"Blainey boy there you are." Sebastian came up and stood next to Blaine flinging his arm around the smaller boy's shoulder, instantly Blaine whole demur changed.

"You should have woken me; you know I hate afternoon naps on my own." Sebastian pouted and then grabbed Blaine's face, kissing him fully on the mouth.

This earned a few gasps and whispers from any Dalton boys that passed by, they couldn't believe that _Blaine Anderson,_ the boy who verbally assaulted anyone who was gay, _was gay himself!_ This news flew around Dalton as phones started pinging pictures that had been taken as evidence.

Sebastian let Blaine's face fall from his hand as the other boy pulled away, a big smug grin forming on his face, while Blaine stared at the floor.

He couldn't bear to see the disappointment in their eyes, especially Kurt s. Not that he would admit that to himself.

_"You were with him?"_ Wes asked, hurt and betrayal evident in his voice.

"But Kurt said..." Jeff frowned, he was so confused, Kurt wouldn't have lied, there was no reason to. So that meant Blaine was lying, _but why? What the hell was he hiding?_

"Well Kurt should stay out of my business. Just because we share a dorm doesn't mean he can stick his nose in my business, and spread lies just because I don't want him near me!" Blaine was now once again looking right at Kurt. "Was that why you left your old school? Were you sticking your nose in where it wasn't wanted there too?" Blaine made sure he words came out sharp, his tone evident that he didn't take too kindly with Kurt butting in on his private business even though the pain inside him was burning his very being. He saw the way Kurt's face fell, his eyes growing wide with every word that fell from Blaine's mouth, his eyes filling with water as he listened to his old child hood friend.

Kurt couldn't believe his ears, why was Blaine being so mean to him? _Where was the boy from earlier?_ _From 4 years ago?_

Kurt suddenly just turned and ran towards the doors to his right, ignoring the pain in his ankle and body.

_"You're an__** ass**__ Anderson!"_ Jeff snapped at the boy in front of him before running after Kurt.

_"What the hell Blaine, that was uncalled for, he was really worried about you. We all were!"_ David snapped, Blaine flinched slightly, David never raised his voice at him, never snapped at him, but now Blaine could see that the other boy couldn't hide the disappointment in his eyes before he left taking Neil with him. Neil had been standing there just staring at Blaine, his brain ticking over as he tried to work out the other boy.

Blaine watched them go, he felt sick inside, and he didn't think he could hurt anymore, but he was wrong when his eyes fell upon Wes. Wes just stood there, his face blank, no words falling from his lips.

"What nothing to say?" Blaine asked his friend as he tried to hide how scared he was; scared because he knew he had gone too far.

Wes just shrugged as he turned and walked away, Blaine felt his stomach drop as an uneasy feeling washed over him.

"Wow that was... "Sebastian couldn't hide the grin on his face.

_"Fuck you Sebastian!"_ Blaine spat at the boy next to him his face contorted with the anger, guilt and hurt he felt. _"And don't you ever fucking touch me again!"_ Blaine pushed Sebastian in the chest with such force that the other boy stumbled back, taking Sebastian by surprise. Then Blaine stormed off out the doors of the school, he turned a corner and ran, sprinting to the back of the school grounds, every part of his body burned as he ran.

He reached the furthest point and bent over letting the contents of his stomach spill over the floor in front of him.

After 10 minutes Blaine wiped his mouth and fell to the floor tears streaming down his face. The pain he was feeling was worse than anything he had been through before, he felt his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He had no one left, he had pushed everyone away from him, and now Wes was done too. He had pushed the Asian boy too far. Blaine tried to stop, tried to control the tears that was falling from his eyes as he rubbed furiously at his face with his hands. He couldn't do this anymore; he could feel himself breaking inside and out. He didn't know how much longer he could hold on.

Blaine reached inside his pocket and pulled out his phone.

_I need to see you ~GA_

He typed out quickly slipping the phone back into his blazer pocket as he pulled himself up, he didn't wait for a reply. He didn't notice that the phone had slipped past his pocket landing on the soft grass beside him. Blaine moved quickly, almost running as he made his way back out of Dalton.

The boy slipped from behind the bushes that he had been hiding behind. He reached down and picked up Blaine phone, he watched the retreating back of the other boy as Blaine faded into the distance. He placed the phone into his pocket and walked back towards the school.

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><p><em><strong>AN** So what do you think? Any ideas as to what Blaine is hiding? Who do you think he is texting? And who picked up his phone that he had dropped? Oh and don't worry i haven't forgotten the reason Kurt has transferred or his own issues, they come to light sooner than he would like._


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N Trigger warnings in this chapter and the next one for suicide attempt. Please do not read if this will bring back any unwanted painful memories. xx**

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><p><strong>CRYING SILENTLY<strong>

"Kurt..." Jeff called after the hobbling boy, his limp was more pronounced as he partially ran to get away from everyone. Jeff was really worried about his new friend; he didn't seem to be looking after himself. "Kurt please hold up?" Jeff cried desperately grabbing the boys arm, stopping him in his tracks.

"_Jeff just leave it okay_!" Kurt snapped at the blonde boy, instantly regretting it when he saw him flinch. He knew that Jeff was just looking out for him after the run in with Blaine, but he just wanted to be left alone.

"I'm fine!" Kurt said trying to sound convincing but he was a mixture of anger and hurt.

"Really?.. Because after what Blaine said, just ignore him, he's an ass.." Jeff placed his hand gently on the other boys arm; he didn't believe for one second that Kurt was okay. "He just..."

"He called me a_ liar_ Jeff, I know I saw him get in that car...I was so worried about him, we all were, and he lied to us... and then he ... why did he lie? " Kurt didn't want to think about the other stuff that Blaine had said, he couldn't deal with that as well as deal with the fact Blaine had lied right to his face.

"I don't know Kurt, but are you sure that it was him you saw? " Jeff felt unsettled as he watched Kurt's forehead furrow even more, because Jeff was now calling him on what he had supposedly seen. "I mean I'm not calling you a liar or anything, just maybe you were mistaken, I mean, Sebastian kind of made out that Blaine was with him, that they were, you know together..."

Jeff rambled as he watched Kurt's face fall, he didn't want to not believe Kurt but, he had been forgetting his meds lately and Jeff was sure he was skipping meals. He wasn't sure what the effects were if you just suddenly stopped taking the tablets, he had never been in Kurt's situation himself.

"You... You don't believe me" It was more of a statement than a question as Kurt's voice broke slightly.

"Kurt I'm not saying..." Jeff tried to back track as he started to feel sick in his stomach, the last thing Kurt needed was his so called friend thinking he was a liar or making it up.

"Just... leave me alone Jeff! " Kurt took a step back raising his hands in front of him stopping Jeff from reaching for him. He couldn't help the tears that had started to fall, the hurt he felt was unbearable as he turned and walked away from the blonde boy, ignoring the pain in his ankle as he hurried towards his dorm.

"Kurt please, I'm sorry" Jeff cried out after his friend, he felt like shit, _fucking Blaine fucking Anderson, _Jeff thought to himself as his forehead furrowed.

Jeff watched as Kurt ran away from him,_ god_ he felt like such a_ shit_. He knew that Kurt would not have handled him thinking he was mistaken about Blaine, especially after what happened at his previous school.

God he was a shit friend, he needed to fix this somehow, he needed Neil. Needed to feel him in his arms to help him stay grounded, to just make everything alright, but he needed to do one thing first before he went looking for his fiance.

Jeff pulled his phone out of his pocket and sighed, _i should have done this before now_ he thought as he dialled Finns number. Things were getting to out of hand and he felt it was his fault.

Kurt all but ran to his door, he couldn't bear to be around anyone at the moment, his tears fell freely as he scrambled into his room. He slammed the door behind him and slid to the floor, his hand covering his mouth as he tried to quieten the sobs that came from him, his body visibly shaking.

This was supposed to be a fresh start for him, a new beginning, but ever since he came here, ever since he had found his old friend everything was sliding out of control, back to how it was before.

Kurt buried his head into his drawn up knees, he couldn't go through this again.

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><p>"You go to be okay?" David asked Neil as he watched him sitting on the bed, he was worried about him. He had noticed that the boy hadn't been right for a couple of days, and now he just seemed so lost. He would need to have a word with Jeff, find out if anything had happened. No one wanted a repeat performance of the last time.<p>

"I'll be fine David, Jeff will be here soon" Neil smiled up at the other boy, trying to convince him that he would be okay on his own. "Go and find Wes he will need you."

David nodded he was really worried about the Asian boy, he had been quiet as soon as he had seen Blaine. He knew how worried he had been about him, how stressed he had been. He thought that Wes would have ripped into his best friend, let go of some of that stress but, he hadn't aid anything, just stood and watch everything play out. That had worried David more than the shouting and chucking things around the room. When Wes went quiet like that it meant that he was at the end of his wits, he closed in on himself and it was up t David or Blaine to bring him back round. Now it was just up to David to sort out his friend being as Blaine was the reason Wes was at that point.

"Okay, call me if Jeff isn't back soon" David said pointing his finger at Neil, raising his eyebrows as he made sure Neil understand that in no certain terms was he to sit here alone all night, wallowing.

"Fine" Neil rolled his eyes as he gave David a small reassuring smile, or he tried to anyway. "go and make sure Wes is okay"

David paused slightly before turning and leaving the room, closing the door to the room behind himself he walked away to his own dorm, he didn't notice the boy hovering around the corner who slipped in through the closed door.

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><p>Jeff walked into his dorm; he had been on the phone for about a couple of hours talking to Finn, filling him in. He had managed to stop Finn from speeding down to Dalton and kicking Blaine's ass and dragging Kurt out of the school and back home. He also managed to convince his friend not to tell Burt just yet, he wanted Finn t try first.<p>

He knew that Kurt wouldn't appreciate the fact that he had dobbed him into his brother, especially when said brother will be turning up tomorrow.

He sighed as he saw the small figure lying on his bed wrapped up in the duvet, his eyes closed as he faced the wall. He walked over shaking off his blazer and tie and toeing off his shoes as he slid in next to the boy. He couldn't be bothered to get changed, he just wanted to feel his fiance in his arms. He smiled to himself as he wrapped his arms tightly around Neil pulling him into his chest, he still couldnt believe that Neil had said yes to him.

Jeff felt Neil tense slightly at the contact and then relax back into Jeffs body. He does this every time and Jeff had vowed to find out one day, but not now, now he just wanted to feel his fiances heartbeat in his hands as he placed them over Neils chest.

"I love you" Jeff whispered as he kissed the top of the smaller boy's head falling into a deep sleep quickly.

He_ didn't_ notice the stray tear that had fallen from Neils eyes at the contact, at the words.

He _didn't_ hear the silent sob that escaped the other boys mouth as he tried to calm himself down.

He _didn't_ notice the pain that ran through Neil's body as he tried to keep everything together, he didn't notice how broken he was.

He _didn't_ notice the darkness fall across the room as Jeff lay beside the now eerily stilled boy beside him, the vacant eyes that were now staring at the wall in front of him.

He _didn't_ notice when Neil pulled himself out of Jeffs arms, sliding out of bed.

He_ didnt_ feel the tender kiss that Neil had placed on the sleeping boys forehead, the quiet "I love you" as Neil whispered in Jeffs ear.

He_ didn't_ hear the quiet footsteps as they made their way to the bathroom.

He _didn't_ notice as the door closed behind Neil, the light switching on.

But,_ he did_ notice the loss as his arms began to feel empty as he felt for Neil finding his side of the bed empty.

He _did_ notice the quietness as he strained to hear Neils beating heart that lulled him to sleep each night.

He _did_ notice how quiet the whole room was; only the ticking off the clock filled the silence.

He _did_ notice the darkness that filled the room, as he slowly opened his eyes wandering how long he had slept.

He _did_ notice the slither of light protruding from the bathroom door.

He_ did _notice how his heart suddenly stopped beating as a sick feeling began to fill his whole body.

He _did_ notice how his body was shaking as he crossed the room, his hand clasping tightly at the bathroom handle, swallowing as the silence became more deafening. Even his own heart beat, that was now beating so fast as it tried to escape his body, could not fill the quietness that enveloped him.

"Neil" Jeff whispered his voice shaky as he pulled the handle down.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion as he pushed the door slowly open, just in case he frightened the boy. The light filled the darkness of the other room as Jeff felt his whole world collapse around him.

"Neil! baby nooo!" Jeff fell to the floor beside the boy lying motionless before him.

He _did _noticed the redness running down his fiances pale skin, the scream that was filling the air as he pulled his fiance to him.

He_ didn't_ notice as his room began to fill with bodies, their eyes focused as they watched the other boy rocking the seemingly lifeless body.

_He did_ notice as he was yanked away from his fiance, his screams filling the hallway as he tried to reach him again.

He _did_ notice as the boy he loved was rushed passed him, the paramedics pumping at his chest as they tried to save him.

He _did_ notice as the ambulance screeched out of the Dalton parking lot.

He _did_ notice as he looked down at his hands, how red they were, he couldn't see his own skin, just redness.

He_ did_ notice the shocked, questioning and _accusing_ looks on his friends faces.

This was his entire fault!

_He didn't notice how much pain his fiance was in!_

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><p><strong>AN****_ Oh no that was not supposed to happen, but no matter how many time i have re-written this chapter it always came to this. Will Neil survive his suicide attempt? Who was the boy that visited him before Jeff turned up and picked up Blaines dropped phone? Who is Blaine texting? what will Blaine do when he finds his phone missing and hears about Neil? Who will get blamed for all this? And why did Neil try to kill himself? So many questions to answer! So many secrets to reveal as everything becomes unravelled! Please review and let me know your thoughts, sorry for any mistakes written xx_**


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